How To Tell Your Kids You’re Separating or Divorcing
I recently appeared on The Marilyn Denis Show on CTV. We discussed the issues, considerations and preparation going into the conversation to tell your children about your separation and divorce. We also talked about this very critical conversation. Click on the link to see the interview
http://www.marilyn.ca/parenting/segments.aspx/Daily/October2011/10_18_2011/DivorceGuide
I also provided a tip sheet…..here’s what I had to say
Divorce expert Deborah Moskovitch shares tips on how to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce.
Telling Your Children About Your Divorce
- That it was a mutual decision to separate; avoid laying blame on one parent.
- You, their parents, love them very much and that the divorce is not their fault
- What their lives will look like in concrete terms. For example: what will stay the same and what may change. Try to provide your children with security and routine.
Telling Your Children You’re Getting Divorced
I was interviewed on The Marily Denis Show discussing: How Do I Tell My Kids I’m Getting a Divorce
Click on the link to hear the full interview, and outlined below are the tips we discussed http://www.marilyn.ca/parenting/segments.aspx/Daily/October2011/10_18_2011/DivorceGuide
Divorce expert Deborah Moskovitch shares tips on how to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce.
Telling Your Children About Your Divorce
- That it was a mutual decision to separate; avoid laying blame on one parent.
- You, their parents, love them very much and that the divorce is not their fault
- What their lives will look like in concrete terms. For example: what will stay the same and what may change. Try to provide your children with security and routine.
To place an order or for more information email info@thesmartdivorce.com
How to Get a Military Divorce
There are differences between a military divorce and a civilian divorce. Tune in to The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio, to learn about these differences
Our guest, Matt Hamel is a family law lawyer who understands military divorce. With legal skills forged in the crucible of the Military Justice System, Matt is an unyielding advocate for military wives, female service members and the children of military families.
Recognizing the lack of easily available information about military divorces and Virginia law, Matt joined forces with the Hofheimer/Ferrebee law firm to co-author an informative book about Virginia family law and it’s impact on military families. Equally important, the book discusses entitlements due military wives as a result of their marriage to military members.
Armed with knowledge as a former Navy JAG officer and motivated with an advocate’s passion to help women through the family crisis of divorce, Matt also wanted to honor female military spouses who often serve their nation in quiet desperation as their family life unravels. Thus, he not only co-authored this book, but he also joined the Hofheimer/Ferrebee firm in order to represent women exclusively in divorce and custody matters. Matt’s not just “talking the talk,” he’s “walking the walk.”
Topics in this program include:
- What makes a military divorce different from a civilian divorce
- Where should a military divorce occur
- How will deployment and new duty stations impact child custody arrangements
- Do I need to be married for 10-years to my military spouse to be able to get a portion of his retirement?
- What is the Survival Benefit Plan and is it worth it to elect this?
- Will my medical benefits cease upon my divorce (health benefits are free to military members and their dependents)? What about medical benefits for our children after the divorce?
- What is a 20/20/20 spouse and what is a 20/20/15 spouse?
- And, so much more!
Get Your Questions Answered- How to Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce
I’m taping a guest appearance on Marilyn Denis on Tuesday, October 18, 2011. Are you struggling to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce? The Marilyn Denis Show can help you figure out what to say. Email us at relationships@marilyn.ca. Write in with your questions today!
The Joys of Being a Single Parent: A Dad’s Point of View
Our guest on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio, is Bruce Sallan who shares his story of becoming a first-time dad, to a son, four days after his 40th birthday, less than 9 months after getting married (they got pregnant on the honeymoon). His second son was born three years later. When Bruce’s sons were still quite young, he left his job as Vice President ABC Motion Pictures for Television to become a full-time dad and to care for his ailing parents, the classic “sandwich” situation.
Shortly thereafter, his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the state. He became a full-time single dad, in his late-forties. Hear Bruce share his lessons and musings on being a single dad.
Topics in this program include:
- Reactions from friends and acquaintances about being a single stay at home dad
- The inherent differences in the parenting styles of mothers and fathers
- How gender differences affecting parenting, friendships and dating
- A single dad’s view on custody and the children’s best interests
- Triumph over heartbreak; new ventures and lessons learned
- The real importance of being a single parent
How to Make Your Marriage Last
5 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married
This article first appeared on The Huffington Post, Weddings
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/5-questions-to-ask-before-married_b_977064.html
While it sounds rather obvious, picking the partner that’s right for you is a sure-fire way to keep the love flame burning and your marriage last.
As a divorce consultant and educator, I’ve learned so much about why relationships don’t work — and the bottom line answer is that not enough communication and introspection have taken place to make the relationship work. People don’t really understand themselves and their partners. And, consequently, they make decisions to pair up for all the wrong reasons.
According to HuffPost blogger Jennifer Gauvain, 30 percent of women have an inkling before they walk down the aisle that they are going to marry the wrong person. If you want to ensure that you are in the 70 percent majority and are marrying for love and all the right reasons, I’ve outlined some thoughts and considerations. If you don’t know the answers to these questions, it is better to start the conversations now, before you say “I do,” than after and say “I want out.”
Considerations and Conversations:
1. Do you and your partner have similar social values and outlooks on life?
2. Have you discussed finances? Are you or your partner bringing in any debts to this union, and if so, do you have a repayment strategy? Are you a spender or a saver? What about your partner? And, if your spending styles are drastically different, how do you plan on overcoming these differences and work towards common goals?
3. Do you have similar life goals, like starting a family? Work ethic? Lifestyle? And if these ideals don’t mesh, then ask yourself if you can realistically overcome these differences together. If you can’t, is it in your best interest to stay together?
4. If you want children together, have you discussed religious issues (especially important if this is an interfaith relationship) parenting styles and family values?
5. Next on the agenda is to ask yourself what you want and need from a partner. Many people today are looking for their “soul mate” and someone to complete them. But, someone can’t make you happy, only you can really make yourself happy.
There is work required to really get to know your partner — isn’t it worth the effort to ensure a lasting, loving marriage? And remember, don’t expect that things will change once you get married. If your partner didn’t change while you were dating, what is going to be different once you are married? What you will have to change is yourself, your reaction to those behaviors and attitudes that you didn’t necessarily agree with.
Difficult conversations, constant communication, trust, respect and honesty, while not guarantees, will certainly help in keeping your soul mate in your soul, and not under your sole as you walk all over each other.
If you’ve made it this far and still want to say “I Do,” congratulations and may you have a long, happy and healthy partnership together.
How to be Smart About Divorce
I am both proud an honoured to be a guest on Family Matters with Justice Brownstone. This is by far one of my most informative and personal interviews; Justice Brownstone digs deep as I share my research and lessons learned so that anyone can have The Smart Divorce. He also delves into my own divorce journey, so that viewers are empowered with information and knowledge. Tune in tonight, October 4, at 10:30pm on CHCH TV.
If you are interested in learning more about The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit ,which Justice Brownstone speaks so highly of, please email info@thesmartdivorce.com for more information.
Why Families Matter
Trailblazer” isn’t a term often associated with divorce professionals. With the divorce rate hovering around 50 per cent, and over a million children annually experiencing their parent’s divorce, it is critical that couples understand the impact of divorce on families, children, the individual and society.
What I find most astounding is that the divorce rate rises with subsequent marriages ( http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/divorce-myths-debunked/a/30888) – this only demonstrates that people are not learning from their mistakes, and/or not taking the time to understand their own needs and expectations. This only serves to demonstrate that significant learning and education need to be provided. It’s easy to see why divorce has spawned a lucrative industry.
Without trying to sound too self-important, I am proud to have been referred to as a trailblazer because I transformed my pain into a career that helps so many others. I am passionate about educating the public about divorce — the process, and the significant impact upon an individual and the family. Getting through my divorce was not easy; it was full of emotion, and needless to say significant legal bills. I learned many lessons along the way of my long protracted divorce journey, which is how I came to write The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Experts (Chicago Review Press, 2007). I wrote the book so that I could share my pain and others could heal from the lessons. I personally interviewed over 100 of North America’s foremost divorce professionals, so that others could be empowered with knowledge, and avoid my mistakes — while saving time, money and their sanity.
My role model for becoming a trailblazer in the divorce arena is Justice Harvey Brownstone. Justice Brownstone, Canada’s first openly gay judge, is single-handedly transforming the public image of the judiciary and enhancing access to justice. The public is desperately hungry for reliable, accessible information they can turn to about a myriad of issues impacting on relationships, parenting and the well-being of kids. With so many ways of looking at the family, and the many configurations, Justice Brownstone will also explore a number of issues related to same-sex relationships including marriage, adoption, parenting, surrogacy, and so on.
There aren’t any judges in Canada, and only a handful in the United States, that actually go out on a limb to share their wisdom and expertise without judging. It isn’t often that I write about other individuals, but I felt that furthering the cause to promote a new television show called Family Matters was in order. This is a talk show created to educate and enlighten parents and families about issues that are of importance to the modern North American family. Justice Brownstone wants parents to get the best possible information, directly from a judge, about the realities of family court and the alternatives available to litigation, so that parents could make informed decisions about how to resolve parenting disputes in a way that meets the best interests of their children. The show will deal with everything from open marriages to sexual addictions to online security and privacy to relationship formation, sustenance and dissolution.
Divorce is far more than obtaining a separation agreement; it’s managing emotions and finances, as diverse as a business transaction and the children’s best interest. This journey is creating a new normal for divorcees who question what normal is, and don’ t want to be identified with labels. Separation and divorce are filled with many nuances, hidden agendas, and fears. It’s time people really stepped up to the plate and learned what’s involved before they make the decision to separate, rather than learn while they divorce. Perhaps we can all learn a lesson or two about why Family Matters — and maybe the negative impact of divorce on children, the family and society can be lessened. You can start by tuning into Family Matters with Justice Harvey Brownstone.
To learn more about this groundbreaking show, check out the website at www.familymatterstv.com.
Tune in October 4, 10:30pm on CHCH and watch my interview with Justice Brownstone
Forgiveness: How to Let Go
The Power of Forgiveness
The forgiveness journey – how to make it happen
Our guest, Mark Rye is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Skidmore College. Mark’s research interests are in the field of positive psychology. He has studied the impact of forgiveness on post-divorce adjustment and has developed and evaluated interventions designed to help divorced individuals forgive their ex-spouse. Recently, he has become interested in how forgiveness of an ex-spouse relates to parenting approach.
In this informative and thought provoking interview we discuss what is forgiveness, and how to achieve it – so that angry thoughts do not hold you back from moving on. We explore how forgiveness is a journey and how your thoughts, feelings and behavior can transform you.
This is a very powerful and forgiving program! If you have any questions about this topic, please email Mark Rye at mrye@skidmore.edu
More information and resources may also be found at the Fetzer Institute http://www.fetzer.org/resources
- Topics in this program include:
- Strategies for letting go of your anger
- What is forgiveness
- Understanding the forgiveness journey
- What does research show about the relationship between forgiveness of an ex-spouse and post-divorce adjustment?
- Forgiveness interventions
- What are some of the unique challenges that divorced individuals face with respect to forgiveness?
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