The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Can Divorce Really Be Smart?

The Smart Divorce — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:12:38 +0000

Did you know that divorce is a process?

di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.

If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.

Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”

Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/can-divorce-really-be-sma_b_1235584.html?ref=divorce

To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com

http://tinyurl.com/6mkkvub

Filed under: child support, children, Children's Bill of Rights, divorce, Divorce considerations, emotional divorce, legal divorce, smart divorce, The Smart Divorce, understandning divorce Tagged: business partnerships, dictionary definition, divorce, huffington post, huffingtonpost, marital relationship

Helping an Employee Through Divorce

The Smart Divorce — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:56:37 +0000

Breakups can take financial toll on employers, emotional toll on colleagues

By Deborah Moskovitch

I wrote this article for the HR Reporter which appeared in the January 30, 2012 edition.

Divorce or the breakdown of a relationship is an extremely emotional process. People are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process. Their world is turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.

Close to 50 per cent of marriages in North America end in divorce. The divorce rate rises to a staggering 60 per cent and higher for subsequent divorces by these same individuals. Clearly, we need to employ strategies that will get everyone, including those caught in the middle — often the children — off the “divorce-go-round” and on to a better life. We need to encourage healthy new beginnings, even when divorce looks like an end.

On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks number two — second only to the death of a spouse or child. People often feel overburdened and lack confidence so it’s not surprising many buckle under the pressure.

Divorce undoubtedly reduces a worker’s productivity. Research by Integrated Organizational Development in Waynesville, N.C., pegged the cost per worker going through a divorce at about $8,300, assuming an average wage of $19.50 per hour and a 50 per cent to 75 per cent drop in productivity. It also includes days missed as the worker takes time off to deal with the legal, financial and psychological issues related to divorce.

For the full article, click on the link:

HR Reporter_Helping an employee through divorce – Moskovitch copy copy

Filed under: divorce consultant, Divorce in the workplace, Divorce information, Employees and divorce, The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit Tagged: death of a spouse, divorce rate, hr reporter, lack confidence, productivity research, stressful life events

Can Divorce Cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

The Smart Divorce — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:50:40 +0000

Did you know that PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, affects more than just service members in the military? PTSD results from exposure to a traumatic event, such as divorce – which could impact on how children’s lives unfold.

Dr. Robert J. Cipriano Jr. (www.simcipgroup.com), a preeminent Licensed Psychologist in Florida who specializes in police psychology and works for one of the largest police departments in the Southeastern part of the United States, shares his knowledge, experience and expertise on this manageable and treatable disorder.

Dr. Cipriano draws on his years of field experience to explain how trauma and violence can impact an individual’s psychological wellbeing; specifically recognizing signs and symptoms of the disorder, how it manifests, and how to work and interact with those who may suffer from it.

Topics include:

How to recognize the symptoms of PTSD
How stigma affects those that suffer from PTSD
Growing up in a household with someone who has PTSD
Helping children cope when a parent has PTSD
The myths and magical thoughts that others may have surrounding PTSD, especially stigma
Enhancing of Communication Skills & Interpersonal Relations

Join Deborah and Steve on the journey to understand this disorder. Could you or a loved one have experienced PTSD as a result of a high conflict divorce or a traumatic event in your past? Listen and learn, as Dr. Cipriano so wisely comments – “Education is empowerment, and empowerment can overcome fear, hopelessness and helplessness”.

Dr. Cipriano can be reached at info@SIMCIPGROUP.COM

To listen click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/can-divorce-cause-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

Filed under: Divorce considerations, Marriage and divorce, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, relationships, The Smart Divorce Radio Show Tagged: conflict divorce, police psychology, post traumatic stress, psychological wellbeing, traumatic stress disorder

I’m on Family Matters TV

The Smart Divorce — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:58:00 +0000

If you live in Ontario, tune in tonight- January 24, to hear my interview on Family Matters with Justice Brownstone. It’s on CHCHTV @10:30, and repeated on Saturday at 6:30.

This is a one-on-one conversation with Debrah Moskovitch, author of THE SMART DIVORCE. Learn how to minimize conflict and enter into child-focused decision-making. Learn how to reinvent yourself from an ?ex-partner? to a ?co-parent?. And best of all, learn how to surround yourself with the people you need to maximize your opportunities for success in dealing with an ex-partner.

If you miss the show, or it isn’t broadcast in your area,this episode is now available on DVD. Please go to: https://www.createspace.com/327510 to order copies.

Filed under: Deborah Moskovitch, divorce, Divorce considerations, divorce consultant, Divorce information, moving on post-divorce, The Smart Divorce, TV appearances

The Financial Realities of Divorce

The Smart Divorce — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:31:49 +0000

The Finances of Divorce

A client came into my office the other day in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired once her divorce became final.

After a few more tears and 30 minutes of talking, she began to understand how the “emotional divorce” could impact “the legal divorce.” What this means is that there are two sides of divorce to wade through — the emotional and the legal. Divorce is upper-case Emotional, and if not managed properly, it can wreak havoc on the legal process and financial outcomes. While it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other — you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process — but the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and usually have to be managed at the same time.

To read the rest of my article which appeared on The Huffington Post, click on the link

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/the-finances-of-divorce_b_1214050.html

Filed under: Deborah Moskovitch, divorce, divorce consultant, emotional divorce, finances, financial considerations, Huffington Post, legal divorce Tagged: emotional divorce, financial outcomes, huffingtonpost, legal divorce, legal processes, what this means

Ten Signs Your Spouse May be Planning to Divorce You

The Smart Divorce — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:07:47 +0000

In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, we discuss The Ten Signs that Your Spouse May be Planning to Divorce You.

Many times, especially in long-term relationships, spouses drift apart. They may not be having sex much, if at all, and their intimate conversations and sharing of day-to-day life experiences may cease to exist.

You would think that these signs, alone, would be enough to cause partners to wonder if their relationship was in trouble. It seems, however, that this pattern of distancing themselves was a slow, eroding process, and for some, they feel it was the normal progression of a long-term relationship.

If you and your partner have lost the connection that you once shared, it’s possible that your partner has considered, or could even be planning, a divorce, without your having any knowledge of it. Deborah reveals the signs that your spouse might be seeking a divorce, as originally mentioned inThe Globe and Mail article, by Tralee Pearce

Click on the link to listen:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/ten-signs-your-spouse-may-be-planning-to-divorce-you/

Filed under: divorce, Divorce considerations, divorce consultant, Divorce information, divorce options, emotions of divorce, Steve Peck, The Smart Divorce, The Smart Divorce Radio Show

How to Help Your Friend During Divorce

The Smart Divorce — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:32:16 +0000

I was recently interviewed by Jen Kirsch at Canadian Living Magazine about being a friend – to a friend during divorce. This is what we discussed:

How to help friends going through a divorce or breakup

By Jen Kirsch

You don’t always have to know the right thing to say — just being a good friend who’s there is often enough.

Nothing is as heartbreaking as watching someone you really care about experience divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. These are life-altering events, and they almost always result in the person going through a messy grieving process in order to pick up the pieces and move on. Of course you want to be a good, reliable friend, but what exactly does that entail?We asked Deborah Moskovitch, a divorce consultant and educator and author of the book The Smart Divorce(Chicago Review Press, 2007), to share her tips on helping a friend weather the divorce storm.1. If you didn’t like her ex, keep it to yourself
People can make off-the-cuff remarks that can be really hurtful. For instance: “I never liked him in the first place,” or “You’re better off without that loser,” says Moskovitch. “These comments can trigger your friend’s own insecurities, and make her feel ashamed for being with her ex.”If you bad-mouth her ex, your friend may internalize your comments and think they reflect on her. You could be doing more harm than good, so avoid using put-downs or confessing how you really feel about her ex. “With time, the divorced couple may become amicable and you’ll have said things that can’t be unsaid,” Moskovitch reminds us.

To view the full article and see all 5 tips, click on the link

http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/friends_and_social_life/how_to_help_friends_going_through_a_divorce_or_breakup.php

Filed under: Deborah Moskovitch, divorce, feeling better, Friends; Friendships, healing post divorce; moving on, smart divorce, Stress and divorce

Holidays Alone and New Traditions

The Smart Divorce — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:45:56 +0000

Divorce Source Radio’s Steve Peck has a discussion on spending the holidays alone, with DSR The Smart Divorce host, author and divorce consultant, Deborah Moskovitch.

We share our different backgrounds as we discuss Deborah’s experience of being alone during Hanukkah, and Steve’s during Christmas. We also touch on the difficulty of being newly divorced at other major life events and celebrations.

As the program progresses, we become a bit more philosophical, as we discuss why and how couples fall out of love in the first place. And we ask the question, “Are those in high conflict divorces actually more in love with their spouses, and soon-to-be exes, than those who divorce with a mutual understanding that they have both simply fallen out of love?” What do you think? Write us your thoughts at DivorceSourceRadio@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you.

To listen, tune in to:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/spending-holidays-alone-and-beginning-new-traditions/

Filed under: celebrating holidays - Easter, Passover, Christmas and, celebrations, Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce information, Divorce Source Radio, Happiness, Holiday celebrations, Loneliness, Rosh Hashanah, Thanksgiving, The Smart Divorce Radio Show, Yom Kippur Tagged: hanukkah, smart divorce

Moving Out and Moving On: Overcoming Domestic Violence

The Smart Divorce — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:48:25 +0000

Our guest, Sharon Zarozny of Brilliant Exits (http://www.brilliantexits.com/) shares her personal story of overcoming the trauma she experienced as a victim of Domestic Violence and abuse. Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, and Sharon was hard pressed to believe that this was happening to her. Fact was, as an educated woman who’d traded in a successful career to be a stay at home mom, there was no wayshe and her daughters were the “victims” of that ugly phrase “domestic violence.” Sharon’s family had the trappings of a privileged life thanks to her husband’s thriving surgical practice. He was a brilliant Ivy League grad. It just didn’t add up.

If you can identify, get a copy of Susan Weitzman’s book Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages or check out nottopeoplelikeus.com. Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. In your world that swirls with “unreals” and craziness, you’ll find this book/site a gift of validation. You’ll know you are not crazy.

Also visit The Weitzman Center and download the free Care Kit provided. It too will help you understand and safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. When you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. Often the upscale abuser has the means, power and leverage to hire a legal dream team and use the courts to further the abuse.

To learn more about Sharon’s story, read her article that appeared in The Huffington Post:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sharon-zarozny/are-you-brave-enough-to-l_b_837390.html

To hear this important interview click on the link below

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/overcoming-domestic-violence-moving-out-and-moving-on/

Filed under: anger, divorce, Divorce Source Radio, Domestic Violence, Helping Children, Marriage and divorce, moving on post-divorce, Radio Show, The Smart Divorce Radio Show Tagged: huffington post, legal dream team, victim of domestic violence

Moving on When Your Ex Has Moved On

The Smart Divorce — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:07:52 +0000

The following article recently appeared in the Huffington Post

This article first appeared on more.ca http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/when-your-ex-has-someone-new/a/18818

“How could I have been replaced so quickly!” my friend Beth wondered.

We were discussing her husband’s soon-to-be new wife; she felt shock and disbelief as to how he could find a new “serious” partner so soon after their divorce.

Our ex-spouses’ new partners was the focus of discussion one afternoon with my friends and I, while keeping Beth company. Her children were out — at their father’s (and Beth’s ex-husband’s) wedding.

While none of us were jealous or angry about our ex’s new partners, we all certainly had different feelings about the matter.

Mary, the introspective one in the group, had a very objective opinion. She was happy for her ex’s new union and actually felt “lucky.” Her reasons were practical: “I didn’t think that my ex could handle the kids on his own, his girlfriend is a nice person and is good to the kids.”

To read the whole article and view comments click on the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/moving-on-when-your-ex-ha_b_1010219.html

Filed under: dating, Dating and Divorce, Deborah Moskovitch, Divorced Parent, emotions of divorce, Huffington Post, Magazine articles, More.ca article, The Smart Divorce