The Smart Divorce® Weblog

How to Be Smart About Mediation

The Smart Divorce — Wed, 16 May 2012 21:54:54 +0000

Understanding what mediation is as a process, and finding the right mediator, are critical elements to developing smart and long lasting parenting and financial agreements that are predicated on informed, thoughtful decision making. A good mediator will discuss what your goals are for the process, what is important to each of you and will help you to craft a plan that addresses those goals and intentions. This is important to understand, as all mediators are not created equal!

Our guest, Cara Raich, (http://www.srmediators.com/mediators/cara-raich-esq/) (http://mediatetrix.wordpress.com/) explores the specifics of mediation in this episode of The Smart Divorce, with Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck. Cara is a mediator and attorney who specializes in helping people find non-adversarial resolutions to conflict. She mediates a wide range of cases including divorce, family conflicts, and organizational and civil disputes.

Cara is dedicated to helping her clients avoid the challenges and acrimony that frequently accompany adversarial proceedings. She does this by enabling her clients to come to realistic and informed agreements that work for them and their families. Cara believes that separation and divorce are family matters with a legal element, not a lawsuit that happens to be about a family.

To understand how these goals are accomplished in a fair and reasonable manner – and gain perspectives on alternative ways to view mediation and settlement we discuss:

What does neutrality really mean?
What are the process choices that people have when contemplating divorce?
How do we as a society view divorce?
What is a successful divorce?
What is the role the law will play in your divorce? Is the law relevant, determinative or something in between?

This interview will surely help you understand the many aspects of mediation.

To listen, click on the link http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/be-smart-about-mediation/

Filed under: best interests of the children, Children's best interest, Conflict, dispute resolution, Divorce information, emotional divorce, lawyers, mediation Tagged: Alternative Dispute Resolution, Amicable divorce, Amicable resolution, children's best interest, conflict divorce, coping with divorce, family conflicts, legal processes, parenting plan, smart decisions, smart divorce, The Smart Divorce Radio

Celebrating Mother’s Everywhere

The Smart Divorce — Sun, 13 May 2012 18:13:38 +0000

And to all….a very happy mother’s day. Although, to be honest, I feel everyday should be mother’s day — by that I mean, it shouldn’t be only one day where our children show their love and respect, it should be everyday.

I came across some articles I would like to share , and I hope you enjoy.

What my mom taught me about being a working mother

by: JUDITH TIMSON, The Globe and Mail

Whenever there’s a tedious new eruption of the so-called Mommy Wars (watch out, Ann Romney), I summon up an indelible image of my mother from when I was around 11. She was heading out, dressed in a form-fitting black coat with a mustard-coloured little hat perched on her head.

In the midst of a difficult marriage that would eventually end in divorce, she was off to a momentous job interview. She landed the job – as an executive assistant at a scholarship trust foundation. And for more than two decades, her work shaped and sustained her.

She taught me valuable lessons about the role of work in a woman’s life: I learned that work can be a solace, a refuge, a turning point. It can boost your mental health, give you pride and self-sufficiency, and make you feel necessary in the wider world. And yes, it can rescue you when your marriage goes belly up.

We don’t hear much about the sustaining value of work itself in the trivial furor over whether “good” mothers should work outside the home when their children are young. Of course, I know that being a mother IS work, and argued as such in my book Family Matters.

To read the rest of the article click on the link

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/mothers-day/what-my-mom-taught-me-about-being-a-working-mother/article2429188/?utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_source=Globe%20Life&utm_type=text&utm_content=What%20my%20mom%20taught%20me%20about%20being%20a%20working%20mother&utm_campaign=94932576

My Mother: The Ultimate Fearless Role Model

by Arianna Huffington, The Huffington Post

The first experience of fear I remember was a particularly strange one. I was 9 years old. Over dinner one night, my mother started telling my younger sister, Agapi, and me about the time during the Greek civil war, in the 1940s, when she fled to the mountains with two Jewish girls. As part of the Greek Red Cross, she was taking care of wounded soldiers and hiding the girls.

She described the night when German soldiers arrived at their cabin and started to shoot, threatening to kill everyone if the group did not surrender the Jews the Germans suspected (rightly) they were hiding. My mother, who spoke fluent German, stood up and told them categorically to put down their guns, that there were no Jews in their midst. And then she watched the German soldiers lower their guns and walk away. And just hearing it, I remember the fear rising inside me, not just fear for my mother and the danger she faced but fear for myself. How would I ever live up to this standard of fearlessness?

My mother did not let financial concerns stop her from leaving my father when I was 11-years-old. For my father, as for many Greek men of his generation, there was nothing wrong with extramarital affairs. “I don’t want you to interfere with my private life,” I remember him telling my mother when she complained. His marriage was part of his public life, his affairs part of his private life. But that was not okay for her, and even though she had no job and no obvious way to earn money, she took her two children and left, trusting that somehow she would make ends meet. And, somehow, she did.

The full article can be found on the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/fearless-role-model_b_1512193.html?utm_source=Alert-blogger&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Email%2BNotifications

Super Moms

by BARBARA HOFFMAN, New York Post

Who would have guessed there were so many Wonder Women out there? Not to mention an army of Beyoncés, multiple Michelle Obamas and a batch of Sandra Bullocks.

At least, that’s how The Post’s young readers see their moms. For this year’s Mother’s Day contest, we challenged them to compare the leading women in their lives to a star, superhero or historical figure. More than 200 kids responded with heartfelt comparisons, though a few insisted their mothers were like no one else. Still others proved that love is blind, seeing the essence beyond age and gender, seeing their moms as George Washington . . . and the Incredible Hulk.

In a field this wide and wonderful, it was hard to pick just three winners. Congratulations to Louise Cruz, Marco Vucovic and Nigel Walker, who won their heroines a massage and facial at the Oasis Day Spa. Let their letters and these honorable mentions inspire you to make your mom feel like a star tomorrow — Mother’s Day — and every day.

Wonder-ful provider

I think my mom, April Bond, is Wonder Woman because she is a single mom who takes care of me and my 18-month-old sister, and she works her butt off to take care of us. She always finds ways to keep us together no matter what. I know it’s not easy for her, but she loves us. My mom is Wonder Woman and I love her dearly.

–Nigel Walker, 10, Brooklyn winner with mom

Just don’t get her mad!

If my mom was a superhero, she would be the Hulk, because sometimes she gets mad and turns super strong. But like the regular Bruce Banner, she’s smart and mild-tempered. Sometimes she tells us why she’s mad, then my brothers and me try to fix the problem. A mom’s work is very exasperating.

–Darshan Singh, 11, Queens

Leader of the pack

The historical figure most like my mother has got to be George Washington. He waged war, she wages a battle to get us to eat a healthy dinner (there really isn’t much of a difference). Washington oversaw an army; my mother oversees four teen/preteen kids and a troop of their friends. Washington helped midwife a country; my mother gave birth to four kids in four years, all over 9 pounds. However, the thing that makes my mother most like George Washington is the fact that both Washington and my mother are known for fighting to keep the home front safe. Come hell, high water or middle school, I have never felt insecure at home, and that is thanks to my mother.

–Eden Hirtzel, 16, Lititz, Pa.

To read aout more Super Women, click on the link

http://m.nypost.com/p/entertainment/super_moms_n1tJydXpK4tG3x8SMjO64K?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Newsletter_Tracking&utm_campaign=%2Anew%2A%20Newsletter%20%28eagle%29%202012-05-12

Filed under: Happiness, Huffington Post Tagged: Emotional Wellness, Happiness, Mother's Day, Motherhood, parenting, Role Models, society

Life Post Divorce: Cooking For One

The Smart Divorce — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:30:12 +0000

Life after divorce: Cooking for one

Tips and recipes to keep you healthy and happy when you’re eating on your own

By:

Deborah Moskovitch

istockphoto.com

I’ve found that separating the “emotional divorce” from the “legal divorce” is essential to a healthy, smart divorce. Through life experience and research, I have learned the best ways to manage and cope with the emotional aspects of life after divorce, and throughout the process. However, I feel the time has come to share my crimes and misdemeanors when it comes to dealing with certain post-divorce habits – and I plead guilty.

Regain your lust for healthy living
It’s more a factor of laziness, rather than anything else. I take pride in ensuring my children eat well, preparing healthy, nutritious and delicious meals. But when it comes to cooking for one – when my kids are with their dad – well, there’s a bit of slippage. I figure, what’s wrong with an occasional bowl of cereal for dinner, followed by a 100-calorie snack or two? Sometimes I indulge in my favorite: cottage cheese and noodles. At my laziest, I grab a decadent chocolate bar for lunch, followed by an apple for dessert. But there are alternatives.

I think I’ve figured wrong when I read about the importance of healthy eating. As I celebrate the wisdom gained through age and maturity, sadly, my metabolism doesn’t grow, but rather my midsection. To help get me out of this rut, I enlisted the help of leading Canadian nutritionist Barbie Casselman for the times when I’m cooking for one.

“If we want to stay healthy, feel better and look younger, we have to change our lifestyle,” says Casselman. “By which I mean all the factors that contribute to the way we eat, the exercise we get, stress, cigarette and alcohol consumption, our relationships and our spiritual outlook.”

To read the whole article, and tasty recipes from Barbie Casseleman’s book – Good For You Cooking,

Click on the link:

http://www.more.ca/attitude/wining-and-dining/life-after-divorce-cooking-for-one/a/41910

Filed under: Cooking, Cooking for one, Health, Lone Parent, More.ca article, Single Parent Tagged: eating well, food, good health, health, healthy-living, nutrition, smart decisions, smart divorce

The Finances of the Grey Divorce

The Smart Divorce — Wed, 02 May 2012 21:07:17 +0000

I’m Divorced, Now How Am I Going to Retire?

For the new generation of empty-nesters, divorce is becoming more common. Moreover, among people ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has doubled over the past 20 years. It used to be that as people got aged, the chances of divorce declined – but this is no longer the case. Given that the aging population is living longer and healthier, retiring post divorce is an issue for the grey divorce segment.

On this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, our guest is Eva Sachs, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and founder of Women in Divorce Financial http://www.WomenInDivorce.ca discusses the many concerns, considerations and consequences of financial planning post divorce for the older divorcee.

What do you need to think about, is a question many ponder. We answer that question and explore more:

Creative solutions for a financially prudent separation agreement
Adjusting to lifestyle differences post divorce
Managing debt with less
Medical/health benefits
Retirement plans for the divorced
The home as a burden or asset

Find out how to protect yourself and develop a list of questions, as you work through your finances for a financially secure retirement.

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/im-divorced-now-how-am-i-going-to-retire/

Filed under: Divorce considerations, financial considerations, Grey Divorce, matrimonial home, moving on post-divorce, Older divorcing couples, The Smart Divorce Radio Show Tagged: Divorce Source Radio, finances, Finances of divorce, financial outcomes, financial planning, retirement, The Smart Divorce Radio

Understanding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

The Smart Divorce — Tue, 01 May 2012 02:43:23 +0000

My colleague, Dr. Robert Cipriano Jr., has put together this very informative YouTube video on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The effects of PTSD and the impact on the family is serious, and a deep understanding of what goes on is critical.

Tune in and watch this important video as Dr. Cipriano explains what PTSD is all about.

http://youtu.be/kbHNm9XFlB0

If you want to learn more, I interviewed Dr. Cipriano on The Smart Divorce. Click on the link below to hear this informative show

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/can-divorce-cause-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

Filed under: grieving, Happiness, healing post divorce; moving on, Health, Mental Wellness, Military Divorce, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Tagged: health, medicine, mental-health, robert cipriano, smart divorce, traumatic stress disorder

It’s All About The Kids, “Stupid” – Parenting During Divorce

The Smart Divorce — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:00:21 +0000

One of the most important concerns parents have post divorce is how their time is to be shared between their children. Is there such a thing about the right parenting plan or how parenting time is shared? In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, our guest Dr. Phil Stahl has some very insightful answers and thoughts on parenting during divorce.

Dr. Stahl is one of the North America’s foremost parenting experts; a practitioner, author, and teacher, specializing in high conflict families of divorce. He has served on numerous committees and task forces designed to improve the quality of work in his field. He teaches judges, attorneys, psychologists and other mental health professionals about issues affecting families and children. His expertise is accepted in courts across the country.

If you are a parent going through a divorce, you will want to learn more about custody evaluations and some of the issues affecting families and children. This show is insightful for grandparents and step-parents…..or anyone who wants a better understanding of the parenting plan and putting the children’s best interests first.

Topics include:

Communication blunders, and apologizing to our children for our mistakes
Wise advice from Dr. Stahl’s book – Parenting After Divorce
What makes a good parenting plan
Parenting plan ideas
Parenting through conflict
How to share your child – your child is not a percentage

For more on Dr. Stahl, visit: http://www.parentingafterdivorce.com/index.html

To hear this insightful interview chock full of great advice tune in at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/its-all-about-the-kids-stupid-parenting-during-divorce/

Filed under: children, Children's best interest, communication with children, custody and access, Divorce information, Divorced Parent, family relationships, Helping Children, parenting, parenting plan, parenting support, Parenting through divorce Tagged: children, children's best interest, co-parenting, coping with divorce, Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce Source Radio, family, mental-health, parenting plan, single parenting, The Smart Divorce Radio

What Are the Benefits of a Divorce Consultant?

The Smart Divorce — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 19:09:51 +0000

I will be a guest speaker at Riverdale Mediation, 40 hour mediation program on Monday, March 7. This is what I will be speaking about:

Day three begins with a class discussion led by renowned divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch. Is there a difference between a coach and consultant? What are their respective roles? What kinds of clients might benefit from these type of professionals?

For more information or to register for this program check out the brochure.

2012 Basic Med Agenda copy and their link http://www.riverdalemediation.com/

Filed under: Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce considerations, divorce consultant, Divorce resources, mediation, seminars, workshops Tagged: coping with divorce, Deborah Moskovitch, emotional divorce, Family Solution, guest speaker, lectures, Mediation, Riverdale Mediation, smart divorce

Fathers are Important Too

The Smart Divorce — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 21:22:43 +0000

Kids Need Their Fathers, During and After Divorce

One of the sad realities of divorce and the outcome is fatherlessness. In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, we discuss the need for fathers to stay involved in their kids lives, especially during and after divorce.

Deborah Moskovitch

It is more common for father’s relationships to be thinned out more than mothers. While a lot of attention and research has focused on single-parent families where the parent is the mother, limited attention has focused on single-parent families where the father is the parent. Single-father families are a small, but growing segment of our society. But what happens when dads aren’t involved?

Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck explore this issue, and help provide an understanding of fatherlessness, while providing ideas for staying connected.

Did you know:

Up to 25% of children do not see their father by 2-3 years after divorce
Daughters that do not have a relationship with their father are more likely to have long term emotional issues – are more promiscuous and less likely to graduate from high school and college; while sons are more likely to exhibit delinquent behavior
80% of the daughters and sons in the U.S. only live with their fathers for a maximum of 10 to 15 percent of the time after their parents divorce

Tune in to discover what can be done and how you can overcome these obstacles. There’s been research that shows when fathers are more involved in their kids’ lives — they are less likely to divorce themselves.

Also, Like us on our Facebook pages, The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio. Join the community!

To hear this interview, click on the link

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/kids-need-their-fathers-during-and-after-divorce/

Filed under: Abandonment, best interests of the children, children, Children's best interest, custody and access, divorce, Divorce resources, family relationships, Single fathers Tagged: children's best interest, community, conflict divorce, dating, Divorce Source Radio, Fathers and divorce, parenting, The Smart Divorce Radio

How to Become the Most Awesome Dad

The Smart Divorce — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 16:09:04 +0000

Becoming the Most Awesome Single Dad

Becoming the most awesome single dad is our new episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch. Dads often get under played in society and the media…..Disney dads, born again fathers, dads that disappear from their children’s lives…..and then there’s our guest Joel Schwartzberg.

Joel is an award-winning humorist, personal essayist and screenwriter whose work has appeared in Newsweek, The New York Times Magazine, New Jersey Monthly, The New York Post, The New York Daily News, The Star Ledger, Babble.com, and in the flimsy pages of regional parenting magazines around the country. He’s the author of The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad, a unique and award-winning collection of funny and personal essays that examine how divorce reinvents relationships with kids and one’s own sense of Dadhood.

Joel offers great tips and insights on being a part-time Dad in a full-time life — a meaningful interview for any parent, particularly the millions who’ve gone through divorce with their senses of humor intact.

Topics include:

Putting a spin a heart wrenching situation and finding the humor in life
“Lazy Dadurday” offer a glimpse into those special moments and new routines with dad after a split
Top Ten Things Divorced Dads Need to Realize
What Remarried Dads Owe Their Stepmom Wives
And so much more….

More about Joel’s book, The 40 Year-Old Version can be found at: BookForDad.com

To hear this most awesome interview, click on the link http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/becoming-the-most-awesome-single-dad/

Filed under: best interests of the children, blended families, Dating and Divorce, Single fathers Tagged: children's best interest, coping with divorce, family, parenting plan, smart divorce, The Smart Divorce Radio

Lifethrudivorce.com

The Smart Divorce — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 17:26:59 +0000

There’s a new website out and I’m profiled in the launch site….read on to find more information.

http://lifethrudivorce.com/ltd-bloggers/?contrib=50

Filed under: Deborah Moskovitch, divorce, divorce options, Divorce resources, moving on post-divorce, The Smart Divorce Tagged: Deborah Moskovitch, smart divorce, The Smart Divorce Radio