Posts filed under ‘understandning divorce’

Can Divorce Really Be Smart?

Did you know that divorce is a process?

di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.

If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.

Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”

Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/can-divorce-really-be-sma_b_1235584.html?ref=divorce

To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com

http://tinyurl.com/6mkkvub

February 3, 2012 at 11:12 pm Leave a comment

How Divorce Can Be Empowering

I share with More magazine online (more.ca) my most personal journey through divorce…..the purpose is to inspire and empower the reader with focus, hope and confidence.

There’s a story I often share in the hopes that it inspires and empowers others. I call it: Reframing your thoughts to create the best life yet. It’s about how my engagement ring changed from a symbol of love as a couple to love of myself. I know what you’re thinking: This sounds cliché, and this divorce consultantand educator is just one more flake trying to sell swampland in Florida.

Deciding to divorce was second only to the pain of telling my oldest child his parents were divorcing.

A week after my youngest child was born I learned some devastating facts about my marriage which were about to turn my world upside down. But, fifteen years later my world is not only sunny-side up but also a whole lot different — very fulfilling. I’m living out my dreams.

I’ll never forget the day a week after my third child was born. I tried to buy diapers for my son and my credit card was declined, yet again. The humiliation I felt when I approached my car empty handed, while my parents and baby were waiting for me, was devastating. There is usually a breaking point that causes people to make difficult decisions. And that episode was to be the start of mine. It was the low point that began my catalyst for change.

I believed in the sanctity of marriage in good and bad times. I grew up fairly sheltered, with tunnel vision and naiveté. The “D” word never existed in my vocabulary and I was determined to stay married. I made my life about my children. But all that unraveled that fateful day my diaper purchase was declined – the day I realized that the trust, communication and honesty were gone from my marriage.

To read the full article, click on the link: http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/how-your-divorce-can-be-empowering/a/37626

October 26, 2011 at 6:33 pm Leave a comment

Why Families Matter

Trailblazer” isn’t a term often associated with divorce professionals.  With the divorce rate hovering around 50 per cent, and over a million children annually experiencing their parent’s divorce, it is critical that couples understand the impact of divorce on families, children, the individual and society.

What I find most astounding is that the divorce rate rises with subsequent marriages ( http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/divorce-myths-debunked/a/30888) – this only demonstrates that people are not learning from their mistakes, and/or not taking the time to understand their own needs and expectations.  This only serves to demonstrate that significant learning and education need to be provided.   It’s easy to see why divorce has spawned a lucrative industry.

Without trying to sound too self-important, I am proud to have been referred to as a trailblazer because I transformed my pain into a career that helps so many others.  I am passionate about educating the public about divorce — the process, and the significant impact upon an individual and the family.  Getting through my divorce was not easy; it was full of emotion, and needless to say significant legal bills.  I learned many lessons along the way of my long protracted divorce journey, which is how I came to write The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Experts (Chicago Review Press, 2007).  I wrote the book so that I could share my pain and others could heal from the lessons.   I personally interviewed over 100 of North America’s foremost divorce professionals, so that others could be empowered with knowledge, and avoid my mistakes — while saving time, money and their sanity.

My role model for becoming a trailblazer in the divorce arena is Justice Harvey Brownstone. Justice Brownstone, Canada’s first openly gay judge, is single-handedly transforming the public image of the judiciary and enhancing access to justice. The public is desperately hungry for reliable, accessible information they can turn to about a myriad of issues impacting on relationships, parenting and the well-being of kids. With so many ways of looking at the family, and the many configurations, Justice Brownstone will also explore a number of issues related to same-sex relationships including marriage, adoption, parenting, surrogacy, and so on.

There aren’t any judges in Canada, and only a handful in the United States, that actually go out on a limb to share their wisdom and expertise without judging.  It isn’t often that I write about other individuals, but I felt that furthering the cause to promote a new television show called  Family Matters was in order.  This is a talk show created to educate and enlighten parents and families about issues that are of importance to the modern North American family. Justice Brownstone wants parents to get the best possible information, directly from a judge, about the realities of family court and the alternatives available to litigation, so that parents could make informed decisions about how to resolve parenting disputes in a way that meets the best interests of their children. The show will deal with everything from open marriages to sexual addictions to online security and privacy to relationship formation, sustenance and dissolution.

Divorce is far more than obtaining a separation agreement; it’s managing emotions and finances, as diverse as a business transaction and the children’s best interest. This journey is creating a new normal for divorcees who question what normal is, and don’ t want to be identified with labels.  Separation and divorce are filled with many nuances, hidden agendas, and fears.  It’s time people really stepped up to the plate and learned what’s involved before they make the decision to separate, rather than learn while they divorce.  Perhaps we can all learn a lesson or two about why Family Matters — and maybe the negative impact of divorce on children, the family and society can be lessened.  You can start by tuning into Family Matters with Justice Harvey Brownstone.

To learn more about this groundbreaking show, check out the website at www.familymatterstv.com.

Tune in October 4, 10:30pm on CHCH and watch my interview with Justice Brownstone

October 3, 2011 at 10:07 pm Leave a comment

Deborah Talks: How to be Smart About Divorce with Justice Harvey Brownstone

Once of the reasons I became a divorce consultant and educator is because I believe in the importance of divorce education.  My career evolved and has become my passion and mission since writing The Smart Divorce.  Getting through my divorce was not easy; it was full of emotion, and needless to say significant legal bills.  I wrote the book so that I could share my pain and others could heal from the lessons. The Smart Divorce provides wisdom from over 100 of North America’s foremost divorce professionals, so that others could be empowered with knowledge – and save time, money and their sanity.

I have been fortunate that my message not only continues to be endorsed, but promoted by so many professionals in the divorce arena.  They further assist with my divorce education on the many aspects of the divorce process — on topics from putting your children’s best interest first to finances, from managing your emotions to rebuilding your life post-divorce and so much more.  And, they provide a forum for me to share this learning.

 

My role model for taking risks and being a trailblazer in the divorce arena is Justice Harvey Brownstone. Justice Brownstone is an outspoken Judge who speaks passionately about divorce, families and the impact on society without hesitation. Educating the public about divorce, and other family matters seems to be his mission. I was honored to be a guest on the show for another guest appearance this summer.  I was first interviewed when the show premiered last year. For a preview of what we discussed in my second interview, click on the link below.

http://www.familymatterstv.com/2011/07/debra-moskovitch-on-family-matters/

And, to hear the first interview click on this link below:

http://www.familymatterstv.com/2010/08/the-smart-divorce/

 

August 23, 2011 at 7:09 pm Leave a comment

Getting through divorce while saving time, money – and your sanity.

Introducing The Smart® Divorce Resource Toolkit

The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is now available, order yours today– one easy phone call or email, to get this valuable resource.  It’s one of the  most comprehensive programs providing a full overview of the divorce process — and endorsed by judges, lawyers, and mental health professionals.  The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit will help you make smart decisions for you and your family – taking you through the entire divorce process, removing the mystery and misconceptions about the outcomes of divorce, how to cut down on your legal bills and so much more.

This comprehensive resource  provides an understanding of all aspects of the divorce process; helping you understand the two sides to your divorce – the “emotional divorce” and the “legal divorce”

Move through your divorce with focus, hope and confidence.

The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit makes the divorce process easy to understand, helping you to be strategic while making sound, smart decisions.  After all, information is knowledge and knowledge is power.

   Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit. 

Included in The Smart Divorce Toolkit are tips, strategies and ideas, packaged as never seen before.  This smart toolkit comes with:

The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit is designed specifically to meet your needs — to help reduce stress, educate and inform you about the divorce process in a cost effective, easy to understand way. Guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process are included.  And, it’s put together in one smart package, making it uncomplicated, and effortless to understand.

The Tool Kit contains 4 CDs covering the myriad of issues, concerns and questions most people have about divorce – removing the mystery, complexity, and confusion about divorce.  Also included are Smart Guides which add another layer of detail to The Smart Divorce Audios, and provide a step by step plan for going through the divorce process.

The Smart Divorce Audios. 

These unique and informative CDs provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence.

  • Audio 1 – The Emotional  Divorce
  • Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
  • Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
  • Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Smart Guides.

Tip sheets that support the information in the audios providing detail and understanding of the specific topic.

Smart Guides:

  • Planning for a Smart Divorce
  • Getting Your Finances Organized for Divorce
  • Coping with the Stress of the Emotional Divorce
  • Coping with Stress in a High Stress Environment
  • Understanding Your Divorce Options
  • Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer
  • Smart Co-Parenting
  • Living Separate and Apart
  • Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds
  • Divorce Financial Check List
  • Understanding Marital Property Laws
  • Important Financial Steps Required to Prepare for Divorce

Don’t delay, order your kit today

Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.

June 14, 2011 at 12:33 am Leave a comment

Introducing – The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit

I am pleased to announce the launch of a new product called: The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit.  The purpose of the Tool Kit is to provide organizations, lawyers, mental health professionals and others in the divorce arena with a resource to help their employees and clients divorce with focus, hope and confidence.  The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is one very smart package developed specifically to meet an individual’s needs.

This valuable Tool Kit is designed to reduce stress, educate and inform about the many aspects of the divorce process, and is cost effective and easy to understand.

Divorce or a breakdown of a co-habitation relationship is an extremely emotional process. While divorce is a personal matter the emotional impact can spill over into the workplace suddenly making it a public affair. There are so many unknowns about divorce that people are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process.  In an effort to better heal and deal with divorce process privately, many individuals seek therapeutic counseling.  However, not all therapists are equipped to help their patients understand the specifics of divorce to alleviate many of their concerns i.e. the legal process, financial impact or custody and access issues.  As a result, an individual’s world is temporarily turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.

On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks No. 2–second only to the death of a spouse or child. The process of getting divorced is an emotional roller coaster which can impact people’s ability to be mindful on the job. Although divorce is primarily a personal heartbreak, the effects spill into the workplace; at the extreme – costing one to lose their job – not to mention a good portion of their wealth, and it can even affect the organization’s reputation.  People often feel overburdened and lack confidence; it is not surprising how many buckle under the pressure.

It is well documented that divorce reduces worker productivity.  If one were to do a cost benefit analysis of the effects of divorce in the workplace, one would find that the financial costs to the organization can be enormous.

I understand only too well how devastating the emotions of divorce can be, taking over the legal process while wreaking havoc on one’s career, causing a meltdown on so many fronts, and  the difficulty in overcoming the challenges  of raising children on your own.  It is for these reasons that I created The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit.    I know how important it is to treat your divorce as a business transaction, and arm yourself with as much information as possible.

The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit includes:

The Smart Divorce Audios.  These unique and informative audios provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through divorce with clarity.

  • Audio 1 – The Emotional  Divorce
  • Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
  • Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
  • Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Smart Guides.  12 very valuable tip sheets that support the information in the audios and cover other important issues; providing detail, strategies and tips for managing a specific divorce related topic.

In addition to the extensive information available in The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit, some organizations may also find it beneficial to offer workshops.  These presentations will provide greater clarity about divorce and managing through the process, in an effort to minimize stress, while maximizing an employee’s attention at work during this often distracting time.

The Smart Divorce® facilitator guided workshop

  • Workshop 1- The Smart Divorce.  A 1 ½ hour overview of the divorce process based on the book, The Smart Divorce. The divorce process in explained in broad terms, while providing an understanding of the emotional divorce and the legal divorce
  • Workshop 2- Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds.  A one hour presentation focusing on considerations when blending families.

Note: Each workshop includes PowerPoint presentation and facilitator script.

Don’t miss out on the introductory offer and save $50 when you place an order a minimum order of 10 kits.  Or, try it out and order just one Toolkit.

For more information click on the link.   To learn more about this unique and innovative program, and how it may help your organization or practice, please contact Deborah Moskovitch at info@thesmartdivorce.com.

The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit _ Flyer

May 27, 2011 at 5:37 pm 2 comments

Grey divorce is on the rise — Huffington Post

Recent statistics show that the divorce rate has increased significantly amongst couples who have been in long term marriages of 20, 30 years or longer. Just look at Tipper and Al Gore, Kurt and Martha Schrader, Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Sumner Redstone and Phyllis Gloria Raphael, are some couples that spring to mind. People seem to be scratching their heads and asking, if these couples have made their marriage work this long, why couldn’t they last “till death do us part.

To read the full article in The Huffington Post, click on the link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/post_2054_b_865942.html

May 24, 2011 at 1:20 am Leave a comment

Finding your Authentic Self, Happiness and Moving On

A new show from The Smart Divorce has just been posted.  Tune in to hear our guest Hanna McDonough.

Our guest, Hanna McDonough, is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Psychotherapist (www.hannatherapy.com).  Ms. McDonough shares her wisdom on finding the best in yourself, and delves into relationships and what’s important – is it sex, money?  And, what are the differences between men and women and they way each values a relationship. We explore the gamut in topics and – learn about living your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.

Topics in this program include:

  • The value of a therapist: how to find a good therapist, when to stay and when to go
  • Understanding a verbally abusive relationship
  • Exploring transformative therapy
  • How to keep your marriage HOT
  • Putting children first

To listen to the podcast, click on the link

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/finding-your-authentic-self-happiness-and-moving-on/

April 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm Leave a comment

Divorce Stats, Fact and Myths

Tune in and watch my interview on Breakfast Television.  I speak with host Jennifer Valentyne about divorce, the impact on children, the friend dynamics when a couple breaks up and more.

My interview aired at 7:40 am, which is the second to last part of this segment.

http://video.citytv.com/video/detail/847024745001.000000/tuesday-7am8am/

March 23, 2011 at 2:25 am Leave a comment

I Think My Marriage is Over, What Should I do Now?

Hear Dr. Robert Simon answer this question on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Is divorce always the outcome when there is conflict in the marriage?  Of course not, there are options to consider, and help available to put your marriage back on track.  This episode explores the role of marriage counseling, and the next steps required if the marriage results in divorce.  Once the decision to divorce is made, there are many considerations and issues to ponder.  Our guest, psychologist Dr. Robert A. Simon http://dr-simon.com/ provides us with tips and strategies for getting through the early days of separation with your sanity and dignity intact.

Topics in this program include:

  • The benefits of marriage counseling
  • Building your support network
  • Finding a therapist
  • Telling your children about divorce
  • Emotional healing and coping strategies
  • And so much more……..

To find out more click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/i-think-my-marriage-is-over-what-should-i-do-now-the-smart-divorce/

February 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm Leave a comment

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