di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.

If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.

Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”

Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/can-divorce-really-be-sma_b_1235584.html?ref=divorce

To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com

http://tinyurl.com/6mkkvub

A client came into my office the other day in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired once her divorce became final.

After a few more tears and 30 minutes of talking, she began to understand how the “emotional divorce” could impact “the legal divorce.” What this means is that there are two sides of divorce to wade through — the emotional and the legal. Divorce is upper-case Emotional, and if not managed properly, it can wreak havoc on the legal process and financial outcomes. While it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other — you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process — but the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and usually have to be managed at the same time.

To read the rest of my article which appeared on The Huffington Post, click on the link

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/the-finances-of-divorce_b_1214050.html

Our guest  on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source radio , Mark Baer (http://www.markbaeresq.com) is a family law attorney, mediator, and collaborative law practitioner in Pasadena, California and has been practicing for twenty years.  He received a great deal of media attention regarding his opinions that the family law system in the United States destroys families and his views on better and more constructive ways of handling such matters.  His articles have appeared in Forbes, The Los Angeles Daily Journal and Valley Lawyer Magazine.   Columnists from the Pasadena Star-News, the Los Angeles, Times and other newspapers use Mark as a resource for their columns.

Problem solving is a hallmark of a good lawyer.  We explore this outlook and learn what you need to consider when looking for a lawyer.  To learn more, Mark has written the must read article Things to Consider in Order to Select an Attorney Who is a Problem Solver and Not a Conflict Creator (http://www.markbaeresq.com/Pasadena-Family-Law-Blog/2011/September/Things-to-Consider-in-Order-to-Select-an-Attorne2.aspx)

Topics in this program include:

• What is a problem solving lawyer
• What is a problem creator lawyer
• Finding your problem-solving lawyer
• How to look for a mediator that’s right for you
• Problems with lawyers and the legal system

To listen in click on this link

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/find-a-problem-solving-divorce-attorney-not-a-conflict-creator/

Get Through Your Divorce While Saving Time, Money – and Your Sanity!

The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit is designed specifically to meet your needs — to help reduce stress, educate and inform you about the divorce process in a cost-effective, easy to understand way. Guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process are included.  And, it’s put together in one smart package, making it uncomplicated, and effortless to understand.  This program has also  been endorsed by the foremost  Judges, Lawyers and Mental Health Professionals. And, this ToolKit was praised by Justice Harvey Brownstone on his popular TV show Family Matters http://www.familymatterstv.com/why-families-matter and http://www.familymatterstv.com/how-to-be-smart-about-divorce

Move Through Your Divorce with Focus, Hope and Confidence 

The Smart Divorce Audios

These unique and informative CDs provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence.

• Audio 1 – The Emotional Divorce
• Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
• Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
• Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Smart Guides

Tip sheets that guide you through divorce specifics, covering a myriad of helpful topics – empower yourself with information and knowledge.

Smart Guides:

• Planning for a Smart Divorce
• Getting Your Finances Organized for Divorce
• Coping with the Stress of the Emotional Divorce
• How to Increase Your Ability to Cope When Divorcing
• Understanding Your Divorce Options
• Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer
• Smart Co-Parenting
• Living Separate and Apart
• Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds
• Divorce Financial Check List
• Understanding Marital Property Laws
• Important Financial Steps Required to Prepare for Divorce

The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is now available, order yours today– one easy phone call or email, to get this valuable resource.  It’s one of the  most comprehensive programs providing a full overview of the divorce process — and endorsed by judges, lawyers, and mental health professionals.  The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit will help you make smart decisions for you and your family – taking you through the entire divorce process, removing the mystery and misconceptions about the outcomes of divorce, how to cut down on your legal bills and so much more.

This comprehensive resource  provides an understanding of all aspects of the divorce process; helping you understand the two sides to your divorce – the “emotional divorce” and the “legal divorce”

Move through your divorce with focus, hope and confidence.

The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit makes the divorce process easy to understand, helping you to be strategic while making sound, smart decisions.  After all, information is knowledge and knowledge is power.

   Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit. 

Included in The Smart Divorce Toolkit are tips, strategies and ideas, packaged as never seen before.  This smart toolkit comes with:

The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit is designed specifically to meet your needs — to help reduce stress, educate and inform you about the divorce process in a cost effective, easy to understand way. Guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process are included.  And, it’s put together in one smart package, making it uncomplicated, and effortless to understand.

The Tool Kit contains 4 CDs covering the myriad of issues, concerns and questions most people have about divorce – removing the mystery, complexity, and confusion about divorce.  Also included are Smart Guides which add another layer of detail to The Smart Divorce Audios, and provide a step by step plan for going through the divorce process.

The Smart Divorce Audios. 

These unique and informative CDs provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence.

• Audio 1 – The Emotional  Divorce
• Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
• Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
• Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Smart Guides.

Tip sheets that support the information in the audios providing detail and understanding of the specific topic.

Smart Guides:

• Planning for a Smart Divorce
• Getting Your Finances Organized for Divorce
• Coping with the Stress of the Emotional Divorce
• Coping with Stress in a High Stress Environment
• Understanding Your Divorce Options
• Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer
• Smart Co-Parenting
• Living Separate and Apart
• Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds
• Divorce Financial Check List
• Understanding Marital Property Laws
• Important Financial Steps Required to Prepare for Divorce

Don’t delay, order your kit today

Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.

Our guest, Justice Harvey Brownstone, a sitting court judge, best-selling author of Tug of War, and host of Family Matters TV (http://www.familymatterstv.com/); helps us understand what really goes on inside the court room, and a judge’s mind.  Justice Brownstone has been called  a maverick judge who is a pioneer that is unilaterally changing the public image of the judiciary.

This honest and thought provoking interview will change the way you think about litigation, and how you work through the divorce process. We are fortunate to have Justice Brownstone share his thoughts and enlighten listeners as to what really goes on in Court, and what really matters.

Topics in this program include:

• The impact of litigation on the family
• What is really in your children’s best interest
• The importance of a legal consultation
• A frank discussion about divorce, relationships and so much more

To listen to Justice Brownstone’s interview click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/a-judges-verdict-on-the-bitter-realities-of-family-court/

Divorce touches almost everyone in society. If you haven’t personally experienced divorce, chances are you know someone how has. The impact on the individual, the family, and society are monumental. People are searching for answers and information to get through the divorce process with their sanity and dignity intact; they want to move forward with focus hope and confidence.

Brimming with expert advice and the personal experience and expertise of the hosts, Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck, listeners are entertained and educated with an enlightening, provocative and informative show. This is a unique and valuable show. There isn’t anything like this anywhere else.

From the trenches to the Benches — interviews with the leading divorce professionals across North America will be shared so that listeners will learn how to manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life postdivorce. We’ll also be speaking with individuals who have weathered divorce, and are sharing their experience by helping others as well.

Divorce Source Radio produces FREE programs featuring both legal and emotional advice from respected professionals. Tune in every week, to listen to our free programs on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/

People often ask me how I was able to move one despite the conflict I experienced throughout the divorce process.  I share tips and strategies about how to have The Smart Divorce, the trying times I experienced in the litigation process and much more.

Tune into Family Matters to listen to the full interview.

http://blip.tv/file/4051970

impact – options – opportunities

I was part of a “one stop” information panel of experts discussing the emotional, legal, financial, and child aspects of divorce.  I thought the handouts provided would be very helpful…….the information if provided both within this post, as well as attached within a pdf.

Being smart about divorce means arming yourself with as much information as possible…..here’s a start.

THE SMART DIVORCE®

Handout- The Smart Divorce

What is A Smart Divorce?

The Smart Divorce process will help you to:

• understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
• understand the various dispute resolutions available
• make informed decisions
• minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress

Be SMART about your divorce.

State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.

Maximize your information and knowledge base.

Avoid reacting to your emotions.

Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.

Treat your divorce as a business transaction.

How to start The Smart Divorce

1. Develop your support network – therapist/supportive counselor, support groups, clergy, divorce consultant and friends.
2. Choose your lawyer carefully – interview 3 family law lawyers.
3. Be informed.  Understand the dispute resolutions:   Do-It-Yourself; Negotiation; Mediation; Collaborative Family Law; Arbitration; Litigation; private companies who offer divorce mediation/resolution.
4. Put your children’s best interests first.
5. Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.
6. Get your finances in order.
7. Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.
8. Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.

You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com

or, by calling her office at 905.695.0270

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.

Copyright ©2010 The Smart Divorce® and Deborah Moskovitch

All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce.

Legal considerations

“Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce”

Handout – Legal considerations

Presentation by:

Wendy E. Best, Q.C.

Dunphy Best Blocksom LLP

February 25, 2010

1. Custody/parenting

(i)                 shared

(ii)               joint

(iii)             sole

2. Child Support

(i)                 Federal Child Support Guidelines

(ii)               Alberta Child Support Guidelines

(iii)             base table support

(iv)             Section 7 expenses

(a)                child care expenses incurred for employment, illness or education

(b)               medical/dental insurance premiums re: child

(c)                health/dental expenses over insurance by at least $100/year (ortho, counselling, physio, drugs, glasses)

(d)               extraordinary expenses for primary or secondary school

(e)                post secondary expenses

(f)                extraordinary extracurricular expenses

(v)               split custody

(vi)             shared custody (40% of time)

(vii)           incomes over $150,000

(viii)         undue hardship

(ix)             retroactive

(x)               disclosure

3.        Spousal Support

(xi)             Divorce Act

(xii)           Family Law Act/Adult Interdependent Relationships Act

(xiii)         Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines

(xiv)         entitlement

(xv)           periodic

(xvi)         lump sum

(xvii)       combination

4.     Property

(i)                 What is property

(ii)               unmarried: constructive trust/unjust enrichment

(iii)             married: Matrimonial Property Act

(a)                exemptions

(i)                 gifts from third parties

(ii)               inheritance

(iii)             owned before marriage

(iv)             damages in tort

(v)               insurance policy (not re: property)

(b)               increase in value of exempt property – 13 factors

(c)                transfer into joint names

(d)               all other property acquired – presumption of equal sharing

(e)                property (assets/debts) acquired after separation or changes in value

(f)                gifts or non bona fide transfers

(g)               exclusive possession of matrimonial home

5.         Miscellaneous/Common Misunderstandings

(i)                 divorce

(ii)               legal separation

(iii)             abandonment

(iv)             conduct

(v)               what to expect/ask in your first consult

Financial Considerations

7  Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Handout- 7 Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Divorce demands financial decision-making that will alter the rest of your life. Most people have no knowledge of the specifics of the finances of divorce. Most people are too emotional to make sound financial decisions regarding their future. Quite often poor choices are made, choices that are permanent. You must educate yourself on the finances of your divorce.

We have a deep and personal understanding of the financial implications of divorce. At Alberta Divorce Finances, we empower men and women going through divorce by educating them on the financial and tax implications of the decisions that they will make in their own divorce.

A 50/50 Property Split is Not Always Equal

What do you need to know to ensure that your settlement is both fair and equitable?

1. 1. Money will almost always become an issue in divorce

1. 2. Understand that a 50/50 division of property is not always equal

1. 3. Make sure that you can afford to keep the house before you settle this matter

1. 4. Understand the “true” value of your investments and RRSPs

1. 5. Ensure that Pensions are valued properly.

1. 6. Ensure that the payor of child and/or spousal support has Life Insurance to fulfill future support obligations.

1. Many divorce decisions have implications for your tax return

Divorce is a very difficult and very emotional time and bad decisions are made under stress.  You must become educated on “what you need to know” about the finances of your divorce.

Visit: Alberta Divorce Finances.com

Child Considerations

HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION/DIVORCE:

Handout – HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION

v            The way in which parents manage their separation/divorce impacts their children; each individual can

make a difference by their OWN choice of behaviors

v            In separation/divorce, co-parents need to shift their former intimate relationship to that of neutral

business associates linked for the long-term in the “business of co-parenting”

v            Children’s needs and feelings should be a priority; they require reassurance that they are loved by

both parents and belong to both parents and extended families

v            Giving kids permission and opportunities to be attached and to maintain relationships with both

parents/families is important to their well being and growth/development

(*some exceptions: family violence, substance abuse, profound mental health issues)

v            Conflict is typically a part of separation/divorce; how it is managed has an impact on outcomes for

children; kids need to be kept out of “adult issues” including parent conflict and encouraged to regain

and resume their own life pursuits to meet their developmental ages/stages

v            Most often children view separation/divorce differently than the adults involved as they do not always

see it as a way of improving their life; parents can be sensitive to this difference in perspective

v            Children need understanding and guidance to manage and communicate their unique feelings and

behaviors through the process of separation/divorce

v            Shame, blame and embarrassment are feelings that children may express; they need reassurance and age

appropriate explanations that separation/divorce is not their fault

v            Attention to the variety of loss/grief reactions of both adults and kids is important through

separation/divorce; Examples: sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and feeling physically unwell

v            Parents may be less available for their children particularly in the first year of separation/divorce

(“diminished parenting”); this may negatively impact kids outcomes as they need their parents most at

this time of change and transitions

v            When possible, minimizing and “pacing” the multiple changes in their lives as a result of the

separation/divorce is helpful for kids; strive for predictability and routines

v            Transitioning between two households can be difficult for some children; each parent can help their

children to manage this challenge with sensitivity, organization and support

v            A Parenting Plan is an essential working document that helps provide a framework for adults and

children to manage the separation/divorce; a detailed plan that is reviewed regularly helps address the

family’s changing needs

v            An individual’s influence and/or control with their co-parent is typically limited; their focus and energy

is better placed on developing a consistent life with their children in their own home

(Sandy Shuler, B.S.W., R.S.W., C.C.F.E. 2010. Reproduction only by permission. Sandy is the Co-author of the established “Effective Co-Parenting:  Putting Kids First” program;  Co-author of “Groupworks: training for small group facilitators” Developer of the “Fairway Divorce Solutions Nurtured Children Parent Education Seminar”;

Sandy is Director/Consultant of Family Life Works Inc.; www.familylifeworks.ca; 403-540-5608)

Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron

I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce.  The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce.  Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below.  Please note the helpful tips.

By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010

Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.

—

Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.

It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.

And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.

So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.

It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.

“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”

Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.

“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.

“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”

Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.

The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.

Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.

The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.

lkadane@theherald.canwest.com

———

Smart Tips

- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.

“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”

Four tips:

1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.

2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.

3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).

4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.

- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.

“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.

“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”

Four tips:

1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.

2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.

3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.

“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”

4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.

“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”

- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.

“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.

“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”

Four tips:

1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.

2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.

“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.

3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.

4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.

© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Smart+Split/2595250/story.html?id=2595250&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter