Posts filed under 'legal divorce'
Tips to keeping organized during divorce
The divorce process can be overwhelming. The need to stay focused and organized is even that much more important. Here are some ideas to help achieve those objectives……..
Keep a “Divorce Journal”
If you’re in the midst of a divorce, or even contemplating one, consider keeping a journal of events for your lawyer. Note all events that you feel are relevant to your divorce and may affect the outcome. These could be events that involve you or your children. You and your lawyer will want to refer to this journal to help you confirm relevant dates and information. You might want to include this information in affidavits, letters, etc. It helps with accuracy of information and validates facts, dates, and times.
The journal might prove especially important if you end up going to trial. Judges don’t know what really happened; they only know what the lawyers, through their clients, tell them. So a diary of everything that happens could be used as evidence if you go to court. The party that fails to keep a diary is at a significant disadvantage.
Create a Meetings Notebook
What I advise my clients which they find most helpful to staying organized, refreshing their memory, and ensuring they follow up on meetings and tasks is to create a “divorce notebook”. This book can be divided into four sections:
- Meeting agenda and questions
- Notes from the meeting
- Next steps or to do list. Include deadline dates, completion dates, and the date when the completed task or document was communicated or sent to your legal counsel.
- Contacts, their phone numbers, and miscellaneous information
When creating and maintaining your own notebook, be sure to date everything.
Set Up a Divorce Filing System
Your filing system need not be anything complicated or expensive, and simple file folders are perfect. I just happen to prefer legal size, but use whatever works best for you. One way to start is to file all of your divorce-related paperwork in chronological order within specific headings that are relevant to your case. Here are some ideas for the headings you may want to set up:
· correspondence with lawyer, organized by date and topic
· orders or agreements
· folder for each member of your divorce team (financial expert, parenting expert, and so forth).
· financial statements–the statements of assets and liabilities
· invoices/statements–all costs associated with your divorce
· parenting plan
· discovery or deposition transcripts.
If you want to get more detailed, you could arrange files more specifically –according to particular financial or child-related issues, for instance. Of course, the detail you go into also depends on the type of divorce you’re pursuing. For instance, you might not need a discovery or deposition file if you are not litigating.
1 comment October 6, 2008
Strategies for keeping your legal costs down
I know from the many people I speak with, that the monthly statement from their lawyer’s office seems to be the last piece of mail to get opened. It’s not like you are running to your mail to see if it is there. And, the questions you ask yourself as you open the statement can make you anxious. Are there enough funds in the retainer to cover this bill? Do I need to submit additional money? Why can’t I keep the bills down? Why does the bill add up to so much so quickly? Why? Why? Why?
Instead of asking yourself why, utilize the how to strategies to keep your legal costs down, while maintaining control over what is going on in your file.
Here are some cost saving tips to help you cut down on your legal bill:
Maximize your meeting time
- Schedule your meetings through your lawyer’s assistant.
- Make a list of questions you would like to discuss, organized by topic or issue.
- Have an agenda ready, with all items and issues to be discussed.
- Take notes.
- Do any follow-up work the lawyer gives you (reviewing documents, contacting a specific specialist, and so forth), and make sure it is done in a timely manner.
Make all communications cost effective
- Save up your questions. Don’t call or e-mail your lawyer every single time you have an inquiry.
- Check with your lawyer first and find out how he or she likes to handle communications–via e-mail, phone calls, or meetings with prepared agendas. Also ask for recommendations on making your communications more efficient.
Provide as much written information as possible
- Many lawyers have their clients write out an account of their marital history. Ask your lawyer if this is what should be done.
Use your lawyer’s services cost effectively
- Listen to your lawyer and take notes.
- Remember, if you want to vent and complain about your soon-to-be ex-spouse, the meter is still running.
- If you are able to, do certain tasks, such as filling out the financial statement, yourself.
- Don’t micromanage (pay extreme attention to the small details of) your case. This only causes your legal bills to escalate and slows down the process.
And, if there is something that doesn’t make
sense to you, ask your lawyer.
Add comment August 11, 2008
Organizing your finances during divorce
Developing realistic expectations when it comes
to finances is of utmost importance
One of the many concerns that my client’s voice most often during a consultation is their lack of knowledge and organization skills when it comes to their finances.
Getting your finances in order with the objective of cutting down on your legal expenses should be a priority
Lawyers don’t always agree on every issue. But, when it comes to finances, all lawyers agree on how important it is for their clients to be as financially aware as possible. It’s the best way to learn your rights and obligations and to determine realistic financial expectations early in the divorce process. And the more you can manage and organize your information for your lawyer, the more you can help reduce your lawyer’s billable hours!
Here are some ideas as to learn about your finances if you were not involved with finances during your marriage:
- Get more involved in your finances. Know the basics – pay the bills and file the statements. Learn how your daily and monthly expenses are managed.
- Understand where your money is coming from and understand how to budget.
- Take part in managing or setting up any investments, know what your outstanding mortgage is and the terms and so on.
- Gain awareness of your outstanding assets and liabilities.
Many lawyers suggest that if someone is contemplating a divorce or separating, one of the first things you should do is accumulate the financial information.
Once the divorce process is under way, your lawyer will need ready access to all relevant financial documents. Start by locating and gathering together the following records pertaining to both you and your spouse:
- social security numbers
- income tax returns for the past three years
- retirement savings plans statements for the past three years
- bank account statements
- insurance policies (life; automobile; house; other)
- stock certificates
- credit card bills
- employment payment stubs
- brokerage statements
- pension statements
- health insurance and work-related benefits
- real estate records
- receipts and monthly statements documenting household expenses and everyday expenses (groceries, gas, heat, water, personal grooming, transportation, gifts, clothing, laundry and cleaning supplies, entertainment, miscellaneous expenses, and so forth)
- list of all assets and liabilities
- date of separation (the date of separation, or “valuation date,” is the date that is used to determine the value of particular assets–the matrimonial home, bank statements, investments, and so forth)
Photocopy everything, and store your set in a separate folder from the original records. Don’t just keep the originals for your own personal use; the other side is entitled to these documents, too. If you do withhold these records from the other side, sooner or later you are going to be asked to provide them, which will cost you even more in legal fees.
Keeping this information organized, being well informed and involved will give you a feeling of control, reduce the stress, and help to develop realistic financial objectives.
Add comment August 5, 2008
Working effectively with your lawyer
A smart divorce involves moving effectively through the divorce process and understanding the roles both you and your lawyer play during this time. Although you’re the one paying for the lawyer’s services, you must be involved and realize it’s a job for you, too. There are some strategies you can use for working effectively together in order to save you time and money.
Your lawyer’s job
- Develop Realistic Expectations - One of the first things you will do with your lawyer is to discuss what you can expect to receive or pay out in terms of spousal support, child support, custody of and access to the children, and division of matrimonial assets. Your lawyer can help guide you as to what a realistic outcome can be. Trying to obtain a result which your lawyer does not feel you can achieve will only cause you to incur more in legal fees, heartache and frustration.
- Maximize the Economic Outcome - Lawyers view their job as getting the best deal for their clients, but the best deal may not necessarily be the biggest number, because there are other issues as well. Sometimes a lawyer prefers a smaller deal to ensure that the client will collect what was agreed to be paid, or to avoid a trial that might further damage the relationship between parties who must continue to co-parent their children. For this reason, a lawyer’s idea of the best deal and the client’s idea of the best deal may be different, and sometimes lawyers must get clients to realize that what is best for them isn’t necessarily what they think is best.
- Look Out for Your Children’s Best Interests - Many lawyers’ first focus with their clients is on working things out for the children. Unfortunately, some parents are still so emotionally distraught, or were such poor parents in the first place, that they do things that are in their own best interests, not the children’s. They attempt to hurt the other parent, which is ultimately bad for the children. Ethical lawyers will not deal with crazy agendas and destructive goals.
Your lawyer will advise and recommend, but will leave the final decision on any course of action to you, the client. If you want to work effectively with your lawyer, it’s as much a job for you as it is for him or her. Make sure you ask lots of questions, do your research and be informed.
Add comment July 14, 2008
The Two Sides of Divorce
Did you know that divorce is a process?
di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.
If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier.
Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”
Most people who have gone through a divorce–and most lawyers and judges, too–will tell you that the dictionary definition captures only one small part of the reality of divorce.
Divorce is an extremely demanding and painful
experience riddled with complications
When divorce isn’t tragic, it’s at least extremely disappointing. A relationship that was launched in a hopeful wedding ceremony followed by candlelight and the celebratory clinking of glasses has turned into a fire fueled by fear, anger, grief, and guilt.
I know, having gone through divorce myself, that it is both a business transaction (which I certainly didn’t realize at the time) and a time of deep emotional distress (which I experienced all too well). And while it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other–you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process–I also know that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated.
But the ultimate challenge of divorce is precisely this: the legal issues come up at the beginning of the process, when you’re least able to deal with them objectively.
Managing the “emotional” and the “legal” divorce
A smart divorce is one in which you accept that:
- both the emotional and legal sides of divorce are real and valid
- you have to go through both, and pretty much at the same time
- emotions and the legal process cannot be perfectly sealed off from each other
To get a smart divorce, you have to understand how to keep the “two divorces”–the emotional divorce and the legal divorce–as separate as possible. Emotions should be kept out of the legal proceedings as much as possible. Letting your emotions become part of your legal decision-making process will ratchet up your legal costs, cause you to make faulty decisions, prolong the divorce process, and hold everyone back–yourself included–from moving on to a rosier future.
1 comment March 3, 2008
How a Divorce Consultant Can Help You
HOW A DIVORCE CONSULTANT CAN
HELP YOU THROUGH THE PROCESS
Managing a divorce truly is a process. However, you may not know what this process is, how to proceed, and how to process information and counsel along the way to make better decisions. After all, you probably did not approach your marriage with the expectation that you might some day require an exit plan.
Many lawyers would agree that the divorce process should be handled like a business transaction. Yet, it is difficult during this ‘transaction’ to separate out your emotions which are probably at high tide from the important decisions that will affect you and your children for many years to come. It can also be difficult to get the divorce process started or to know how to choose a lawyer, assess if your lawyer is right for you, select other experts such as accountants, therapists and parenting experts, work cost effectively with legal counsel, and ensure you put your children’s best interests first. All of these are areas where a divorce consultant can be very helpful to you.
The role of a divorce consultant is to help you navigate the divorce process so that you can better focus on what needs to be done while also reducing the complexity and costs of divorce. The goal is to assist you in making decisions with confidence by providing the research and education you need to work more effectively with your divorce team.
A divorce consultant is not a substitute for the important roles of lawyer or therapist. However, a divorce consultant can play a vital role in the divorce process. This includes helping people to understand what to expect, providing a basic knowledge of the dispute resolutions, and ultimately to be better prepared and more confident. Working with a divorce consultant is short term and usually consists of one to three sessions.
Some of the specific objectives of a
Divorce Consultant are to help you:
- understand the divorce dispute resolutions available
- interview and choose the right divorce lawyer
- ask the right questions of legal counsel and experts
- know what financial and background information to bring to your lawyer
- organize and manage your divorce file
- assess what experts you might want to add to your divorce team
- access referrals to lawyers, therapists, mediators, accountants and financial experts, organizations, literature
- understand the emotional turmoil
Understanding Dispute Resolutions
There are alternatives to court that you need to be aware of and to consider when looking for legal counsel. Having a basic understanding of what these options are will assist you in choosing the right process and the right lawyer for you. A divorce consultant can help you to better understand and sort through the various alternative dispute resolutions such as negotiation, mediation, arbitration and Collaborative Practice.
This is one of the most important decisions you will make in your divorce. You need to make the time and effort to find the right person for you. A divorce consultant can help you to understand the consultation process and can provide guidance and referrals to assist you with your search.
1 comment March 3, 2008
Watch Deborah talk about………
The Smart Divorce – Live
If you haven’t seen the show “On the Line” on CTS you may want to watch it on March 10, 2008 on at 2pm. This show is a live-to-air one hour current affairs program. Listen to Deborah talk about how to have a smart divorce. And, if you are in the viewing area, please call in with your questions. This show airs in Ontario and Alberta.
Deborah is also part of the panel on Three Takes, a lifestyle-based studio show that gets behind the scenes and reveals what being single, married and divorced is really all about. Watch “Three Takes” on the Slice network, on May 7, 2008 at 12 noon and repeated at 6pm, also on May 8 at 8am. Don’t miss it, broadcast all across Canada!
Steven and Chris on CBC
If you haven’t had the opportunity to watch it, you may want to check out The Steven and Chris Show on CBC. It airs Monday – Friday at 2pm. I was on the show and talked about The Smart Divorce If you want to read about this segment, just click on the link:http://www.cbc.ca/stevenandchris/2008/01/smart_divorce.html
Add comment February 27, 2008
The Smart Divorce Workshops
Limited space is still available in The Smart Divorce™ Workshops. These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.
Program details:
The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 23, 2008
The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – March 1, 2008
Time: 9:30 – 11 am
Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)
If you feel that you could benefit from any of these programs please contact me at
905 695 0270 or by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com.
1 comment February 17, 2008
