Hear Deborah talk about The Smart Divorce

I was interviewed about The Smart Divorce and dealing with the many issues surrounding divorce with host Christine Williams of On The Line

Click on the link to watch the interview which aired on April 19, 2010.

You’ll hear a lot of information about getting through divorce, some personal stories, and guidance about the divorce process.

http://ctstv.com/ontario/player.php?ctsvidID=17595&show=On%20The%20Line

ON THE LINE with Christine Williams has been recipient of six prestigious international awards.  The program features current affairs issues and in-depth discussions about a range of topics with authors, experts and advocates.

impact – options – opportunities

I was part of a “one stop” information panel of experts discussing the emotional, legal, financial, and child aspects of divorce.  I thought the handouts provided would be very helpful…….the information if provided both within this post, as well as attached within a pdf.

Being smart about divorce means arming yourself with as much information as possible…..here’s a start.

THE SMART DIVORCE®

Handout- The Smart Divorce

What is A Smart Divorce?

The Smart Divorce process will help you to:

• understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
• understand the various dispute resolutions available
• make informed decisions
• minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress

Be SMART about your divorce.

State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.

Maximize your information and knowledge base.

Avoid reacting to your emotions.

Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.

Treat your divorce as a business transaction.

How to start The Smart Divorce

1. Develop your support network – therapist/supportive counselor, support groups, clergy, divorce consultant and friends.
2. Choose your lawyer carefully – interview 3 family law lawyers.
3. Be informed.  Understand the dispute resolutions:   Do-It-Yourself; Negotiation; Mediation; Collaborative Family Law; Arbitration; Litigation; private companies who offer divorce mediation/resolution.
4. Put your children’s best interests first.
5. Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.
6. Get your finances in order.
7. Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.
8. Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.

You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com

or, by calling her office at 905.695.0270

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.

Copyright ©2010 The Smart Divorce® and Deborah Moskovitch

All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce.

Legal considerations

“Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce”

Handout – Legal considerations

Presentation by:

Wendy E. Best, Q.C.

Dunphy Best Blocksom LLP

February 25, 2010

1. Custody/parenting

(i)                 shared

(ii)               joint

(iii)             sole

2. Child Support

(i)                 Federal Child Support Guidelines

(ii)               Alberta Child Support Guidelines

(iii)             base table support

(iv)             Section 7 expenses

(a)                child care expenses incurred for employment, illness or education

(b)               medical/dental insurance premiums re: child

(c)                health/dental expenses over insurance by at least $100/year (ortho, counselling, physio, drugs, glasses)

(d)               extraordinary expenses for primary or secondary school

(e)                post secondary expenses

(f)                extraordinary extracurricular expenses

(v)               split custody

(vi)             shared custody (40% of time)

(vii)           incomes over $150,000

(viii)         undue hardship

(ix)             retroactive

(x)               disclosure

3.        Spousal Support

(xi)             Divorce Act

(xii)           Family Law Act/Adult Interdependent Relationships Act

(xiii)         Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines

(xiv)         entitlement

(xv)           periodic

(xvi)         lump sum

(xvii)       combination

4.     Property

(i)                 What is property

(ii)               unmarried: constructive trust/unjust enrichment

(iii)             married: Matrimonial Property Act

(a)                exemptions

(i)                 gifts from third parties

(ii)               inheritance

(iii)             owned before marriage

(iv)             damages in tort

(v)               insurance policy (not re: property)

(b)               increase in value of exempt property – 13 factors

(c)                transfer into joint names

(d)               all other property acquired – presumption of equal sharing

(e)                property (assets/debts) acquired after separation or changes in value

(f)                gifts or non bona fide transfers

(g)               exclusive possession of matrimonial home

5.         Miscellaneous/Common Misunderstandings

(i)                 divorce

(ii)               legal separation

(iii)             abandonment

(iv)             conduct

(v)               what to expect/ask in your first consult

Financial Considerations

7  Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Handout- 7 Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Divorce demands financial decision-making that will alter the rest of your life. Most people have no knowledge of the specifics of the finances of divorce. Most people are too emotional to make sound financial decisions regarding their future. Quite often poor choices are made, choices that are permanent. You must educate yourself on the finances of your divorce.

We have a deep and personal understanding of the financial implications of divorce. At Alberta Divorce Finances, we empower men and women going through divorce by educating them on the financial and tax implications of the decisions that they will make in their own divorce.

A 50/50 Property Split is Not Always Equal

What do you need to know to ensure that your settlement is both fair and equitable?

1. 1. Money will almost always become an issue in divorce

1. 2. Understand that a 50/50 division of property is not always equal

1. 3. Make sure that you can afford to keep the house before you settle this matter

1. 4. Understand the “true” value of your investments and RRSPs

1. 5. Ensure that Pensions are valued properly.

1. 6. Ensure that the payor of child and/or spousal support has Life Insurance to fulfill future support obligations.

1. Many divorce decisions have implications for your tax return

Divorce is a very difficult and very emotional time and bad decisions are made under stress.  You must become educated on “what you need to know” about the finances of your divorce.

Visit: Alberta Divorce Finances.com

Child Considerations

HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION/DIVORCE:

Handout – HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION

v            The way in which parents manage their separation/divorce impacts their children; each individual can

make a difference by their OWN choice of behaviors

v            In separation/divorce, co-parents need to shift their former intimate relationship to that of neutral

business associates linked for the long-term in the “business of co-parenting”

v            Children’s needs and feelings should be a priority; they require reassurance that they are loved by

both parents and belong to both parents and extended families

v            Giving kids permission and opportunities to be attached and to maintain relationships with both

parents/families is important to their well being and growth/development

(*some exceptions: family violence, substance abuse, profound mental health issues)

v            Conflict is typically a part of separation/divorce; how it is managed has an impact on outcomes for

children; kids need to be kept out of “adult issues” including parent conflict and encouraged to regain

and resume their own life pursuits to meet their developmental ages/stages

v            Most often children view separation/divorce differently than the adults involved as they do not always

see it as a way of improving their life; parents can be sensitive to this difference in perspective

v            Children need understanding and guidance to manage and communicate their unique feelings and

behaviors through the process of separation/divorce

v            Shame, blame and embarrassment are feelings that children may express; they need reassurance and age

appropriate explanations that separation/divorce is not their fault

v            Attention to the variety of loss/grief reactions of both adults and kids is important through

separation/divorce; Examples: sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and feeling physically unwell

v            Parents may be less available for their children particularly in the first year of separation/divorce

(“diminished parenting”); this may negatively impact kids outcomes as they need their parents most at

this time of change and transitions

v            When possible, minimizing and “pacing” the multiple changes in their lives as a result of the

separation/divorce is helpful for kids; strive for predictability and routines

v            Transitioning between two households can be difficult for some children; each parent can help their

children to manage this challenge with sensitivity, organization and support

v            A Parenting Plan is an essential working document that helps provide a framework for adults and

children to manage the separation/divorce; a detailed plan that is reviewed regularly helps address the

family’s changing needs

v            An individual’s influence and/or control with their co-parent is typically limited; their focus and energy

is better placed on developing a consistent life with their children in their own home

(Sandy Shuler, B.S.W., R.S.W., C.C.F.E. 2010. Reproduction only by permission. Sandy is the Co-author of the established “Effective Co-Parenting:  Putting Kids First” program;  Co-author of “Groupworks: training for small group facilitators” Developer of the “Fairway Divorce Solutions Nurtured Children Parent Education Seminar”;

Sandy is Director/Consultant of Family Life Works Inc.; www.familylifeworks.ca; 403-540-5608)

Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron

I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce.  The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce.  Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below.  Please note the helpful tips.

By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010

Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.

—

Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.

It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.

And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.

So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.

It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.

“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”

Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.

“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.

“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”

Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.

The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.

Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.

The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.

lkadane@theherald.canwest.com

———

Smart Tips

- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.

“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”

Four tips:

1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.

2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.

3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).

4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.

- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.

“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.

“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”

Four tips:

1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.

2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.

3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.

“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”

4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.

“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”

- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.

“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.

“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”

Four tips:

1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.

2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.

“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.

3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.

4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.

© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Smart+Split/2595250/story.html?id=2595250&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Separation/Divorce

impact – options – opportunities

Space is still available in a very unique seminar on separation /divorce.  This is a “one stop” information panel of experts for individual, families and experts; featuring presenters:

Deborah Moskovitch, Author, Speaker, Divorce Consultant:

“The Smart Divorce”

“A Team Approach To Managing The Issues of Divorce”

Wendy Best, Q.C.: Senior Partner, Dunphy, Best, Blocksom, LLP

“Consideration Of The Legal Issues”

Sharon Numerow, CDFA™, Tax Consultant: Alberta Divorce Finances Ltd.

“Why a 50/50 Property Split is not Always Equal – 7 secrets to a successful divorce”

Sandy Shuler, Social Worker, Certified Family Educator: Family Life Works Inc.

“Effective Co-Parenting:  Putting Kids First”

EDUCATION▪▪STRATEGIES▪▪RESOURCES▪▪BOOK DISPLAY

SPONSORED BY:  Calgary Family Services & Deer Park United Church

SUPPORTED BY:  Dunphy, Best, Blocksom LLP

This seminar is appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. You will learn strategies for a smart divorce, understanding your legal options, financial considerations, and putting your children’s best interest first.  Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money.

Click on the link below for more information

Calgary – TakingChargeofYourSeparationDivorce2

Program details:

When: February 25, 2010

Location: Deer Park United Church – 777 Deer Point Rd. SE, Calgary Alberta

Time: 7 – 9:30 P.M.

To register, or for more information contact:  Calgary Family Services at 403 204 5244

“Guy Talk is a radio show that deals with psychological issues which modern men face.   The underlying premise of Guy Talk rests in the question: Why Won’t Men Grow Up? The creator/hosts of Guy Talk are Dale Curd and Stuart Knight.

I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and how to navigate the divorce process. November 1, 2009.  Tune in and feel free to call in with your views at 416 872 1010.  Although this show is targeted towards men, women are invited to call in as well.  I would be interested in hearing your perspective as we discuss the many issues divorcees are confronted with.

The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series

These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.

I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.

Click on the link for more information: the-smart-divorce-workshop-f09-2-finr1

Program details:

The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns

The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns

“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto

“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville

Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)

Registration Fee: $25 per workshop

Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com

SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY

Instead of asking yourself why, utilize the how to strategies to keep your legal costs down, while maintaining control over what is going on in your file.

Here are some cost saving tips to help you cut down on your legal bill:

Maximize your meeting time

- Schedule your meetings through your lawyer’s assistant.

 - Make a list of questions you would like to discuss, organized by topic or issue.

 - Have an agenda ready, with all items and issues to be discussed.

 - Take notes.

 - Do any follow-up work the lawyer gives you (reviewing documents, contacting a specific specialist, and so forth), and make sure it is done in a timely manner.

Make all communications cost effective

 - Save up your questions. Don’t call or e-mail your lawyer every single time you have an inquiry.

 - Check with your lawyer first and find out how he or she likes to handle communications–via e-mail, phone calls, or meetings with prepared agendas. Also ask for recommendations on making your communications more efficient.

Provide as much written information as possible

 - Many lawyers have their clients write out an account of their marital history. Ask your lawyer if this is what should be done.

Use your lawyer’s services cost effectively

 - Listen to your lawyer and take notes.

 - Remember, if you want to vent and complain about your soon-to-be ex-spouse, the meter is still running.

 - If you are able to, do certain tasks, such as filling out the financial statement, yourself.

 - Don’t micromanage (pay extreme attention to the small details of) your case. This only causes your legal bills to escalate and slows down the process.

And, if there is something that doesn’t make

sense to you, ask your lawyer.

A client came into my office the other day, in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired when her divorce became final.

There is no crystal ball as to how this will end……

While you might have an idea of where you would like to see yourself financially post-divorce, this objective and the final outcome might not necessarily the same.

Mistakes to avoid

• Don’t make any significant investments before your settlement is signed.
• Don’t make any significant purchases while negotiating your settlement – you might end up being responsible for that purchase, such as jewelry, vacation, clothing and so on.
• Don’t make purchases based on projections; you never know how it will turn out.

Establish your own financial identity

If you have been the financially uninformed spouse, and you do not have a credit rating, now is the time to start building one.

If you are in the matrimonial home and your spouse has left, you might want to consider changing the household bills to your name. Make sure you pay these off on time and in full. This is a good way to start establishing a good credit rating.

If you had a joint credit card with your former spouse, the principal card holder has the credit rating. Apply for your own credit card. If you are a first time card holder, you can always start out with a small credit limit and gradually increase it as you pay off on time and prove to be a good credit risk.

Get your finances in order

All lawyers agree on how important it is for their clients to be as financially aware as possible. It’s the best way to learn your rights and obligations and determine realistic expectations early in the divorce process. Your lawyer can then give you informed opinions based on fact, not on speculation. And the more you can manage and organize your information for your lawyer, and establish realistic financial goals, the more you can help reduce your lawyer’s billable hours!

·  Get involved in your finances. Know the basics – pay the bills and file the statements. Learn how your daily and monthly expenses are managed.

·  Determine where the money is coming from and how it is applied toward your budget.

  ·   Take part in setting up investments such as retirement funds, and understand where and what the other assets are.

Many lawyers suggest that if someone is contemplating a divorce or separating, one of the first things they should do is accumulate the financial information.