Posts filed under ‘emotional divorce’
Can Divorce Really Be Smart?
Did you know that divorce is a process?
di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.
If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.
Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”
Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.
To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com
The Financial Realities of Divorce
The Finances of Divorce
A client came into my office the other day in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired once her divorce became final.
After a few more tears and 30 minutes of talking, she began to understand how the “emotional divorce” could impact “the legal divorce.” What this means is that there are two sides of divorce to wade through — the emotional and the legal. Divorce is upper-case Emotional, and if not managed properly, it can wreak havoc on the legal process and financial outcomes. While it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other — you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process — but the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and usually have to be managed at the same time.
To read the rest of my article which appeared on The Huffington Post, click on the link
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/the-finances-of-divorce_b_1214050.html
How Divorce Can Be Empowering
I share with More magazine online (more.ca) my most personal journey through divorce…..the purpose is to inspire and empower the reader with focus, hope and confidence.
There’s a story I often share in the hopes that it inspires and empowers others. I call it: Reframing your thoughts to create the best life yet. It’s about how my engagement ring changed from a symbol of love as a couple to love of myself. I know what you’re thinking: This sounds cliché, and this divorce consultantand educator is just one more flake trying to sell swampland in Florida.
A week after my youngest child was born I learned some devastating facts about my marriage which were about to turn my world upside down. But, fifteen years later my world is not only sunny-side up but also a whole lot different — very fulfilling. I’m living out my dreams.
I’ll never forget the day a week after my third child was born. I tried to buy diapers for my son and my credit card was declined, yet again. The humiliation I felt when I approached my car empty handed, while my parents and baby were waiting for me, was devastating. There is usually a breaking point that causes people to make difficult decisions. And that episode was to be the start of mine. It was the low point that began my catalyst for change.
I believed in the sanctity of marriage in good and bad times. I grew up fairly sheltered, with tunnel vision and naiveté. The “D” word never existed in my vocabulary and I was determined to stay married. I made my life about my children. But all that unraveled that fateful day my diaper purchase was declined – the day I realized that the trust, communication and honesty were gone from my marriage.
To read the full article, click on the link: http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/how-your-divorce-can-be-empowering/a/37626
How you can forgive your ex-spouse
Forgiveness and letting go are topics that often arise in my divorce consulting practice. The individuals who were “wronged” either through betrayal, shattered promises, or a whole host of other reasons want an apology. Many feel that having a sense that justice has been done will ease the emotional trauma. But, the truth is, an apology or restitution is unlikely to happen. Even when apologies happen, offended parties tend to perceive them as less complete and sincere than they ought to be.
I hear:
“He had an affair, he was wrong, and I want him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.”
“He promised we would spend the rest of our lives together, and now he’s leaving? I hate him; he deserves nothing!”
And the extreme, “I’m going to cut his !@#$ off, he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, only to be in pain for the rest of his life -just like Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband.”
To read the full article, click on the link
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/how-you-can-forgive-your-_b_870705.html
Getting through divorce while saving time, money – and your sanity.
Introducing The Smart® Divorce Resource Toolkit
The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is now available, order yours today– one easy phone call or email, to get this valuable resource. It’s one of the most comprehensive programs providing a full overview of the divorce process — and endorsed by judges, lawyers, and mental health professionals. The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit will help you make smart decisions for you and your family – taking you through the entire divorce process, removing the mystery and misconceptions about the outcomes of divorce, how to cut down on your legal bills and so much more.
This comprehensive resource provides an understanding of all aspects of the divorce process; helping you understand the two sides to your divorce – the “emotional divorce” and the “legal divorce”
Move through your divorce with focus, hope and confidence.
The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit makes the divorce process easy to understand, helping you to be strategic while making sound, smart decisions. After all, information is knowledge and knowledge is power.
Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.
Included in The Smart Divorce Toolkit are tips, strategies and ideas, packaged as never seen before. This smart toolkit comes with:
The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit is designed specifically to meet your needs — to help reduce stress, educate and inform you about the divorce process in a cost effective, easy to understand way. Guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process are included. And, it’s put together in one smart package, making it uncomplicated, and effortless to understand.
The Tool Kit contains 4 CDs covering the myriad of issues, concerns and questions most people have about divorce – removing the mystery, complexity, and confusion about divorce. Also included are Smart Guides which add another layer of detail to The Smart Divorce Audios, and provide a step by step plan for going through the divorce process.
The Smart Divorce Audios.
These unique and informative CDs provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence.
- Audio 1 – The Emotional Divorce
- Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
- Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
- Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce
Smart Guides.
Tip sheets that support the information in the audios providing detail and understanding of the specific topic.
Smart Guides:
- Planning for a Smart Divorce
- Getting Your Finances Organized for Divorce
- Coping with the Stress of the Emotional Divorce
- Coping with Stress in a High Stress Environment
- Understanding Your Divorce Options
- Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer
- Smart Co-Parenting
- Living Separate and Apart
- Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds
- Divorce Financial Check List
- Understanding Marital Property Laws
- Important Financial Steps Required to Prepare for Divorce
Don’t delay, order your kit today
Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.
How you can forgive your ex-husband
Letting go of a spouse’s transgressions isn’t easy. Here are 5 ways to move on.
- By:
- Deborah Moskovitch
Forgiveness and letting go are topics that often arise in my divorce consulting practice. The individuals who were “wronged” either through betrayal, shattered promises, or a whole host of other reasons want an apology. Many feel that having a sense that justice has been done will ease the emotional trauma. But, the truth is, an apology or restitution is unlikely to happen. Even when apologies happen, offended parties tend to perceive them as less complete and sincere than they ought to be.
I hear:
“He had an affair, he was wrong, and I want him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.”
“He promised we would spend the rest of our lives together, and now he’s leaving? I hate him; he deserves nothing!”
And the extreme, “I’m going to cut his !@#$ off, he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, only to be in pain for the rest of his life – just like Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband.”
To read the full article click on the link
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/how-you-can-forgive-your-ex-husband/a/35594
Divorcing with Good Karma
Tune into the Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio to hear this very informative interview with Judge Michele Lowrance.
Positive. Life-enhancing. Enlightening. Compassionate. These words are seldom associated with divorce. Words that typically come to mind are: Painful. Agonizing. Resentful. Bitter. Our guest, domestic relations judge and best selling author Judge Michele Lowrance enlightens listeners how people can attain a positive outlook, achieve forgiveness, and move on with a mended soul (http://thegoodkarmadivorce.com/). Judge Lowrance has learned that there’s a better way to handle divorce. So she came up with a plan to turn the negatives of divorce into positives. She explains the program in her book, The Good Karma Divorce: Avoid Litigation, Turn Negative Emotions into Positive Actions, and Get On with the Rest of Your Life.
Topics in this program include:
- On court: An understanding what the court system can and cannot do – it can’t rescue you, but perhaps it can encourage forgiveness.
- On children: Ordinary parenting is not enough; parents need to adopt wisdom building skills for heroic parenting. Justice Lowrance asks: “What is more important for you to be right, or for your children to be happy?”
- On forgiveness: In the beginning, you won’t be ready to forgive. At this stage it is fine to let your emotions steep and give them room to breathe. Treat them like a flu that has to run its course. There is a necessary gestation period between anger and forgiveness.
- Creating your soul searching party: developing your Personal Manifesto
- The crucial things you have to know about having the “divorce conversation” with your soon to be former partner.
Click on the link to hear Judge Michele Lowrance explain what a good Karma Divorce is
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/divorcing-with-good-karma/
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