If you can identify, get a copy of Susan Weitzman’s book Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages or check out nottopeoplelikeus.com. Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. In your world that swirls with “unreals” and craziness, you’ll find this book/site a gift of validation. You’ll know you are not crazy.

Also visit The Weitzman Center and download the free Care Kit provided. It too will help you understand and safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. When you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. Often the upscale abuser has the means, power and leverage to hire a legal dream team and use the courts to further the abuse.

To learn more about Sharon’s story, read her article that appeared in The Huffington Post:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sharon-zarozny/are-you-brave-enough-to-l_b_837390.html

To hear this important interview click on the link below

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/overcoming-domestic-violence-moving-out-and-moving-on/

Judge Lynn Toler is a former municipal court judge who now hosts the nationally syndicated show, Divorce Court. She is also a bi-monthly contributor to News and Notes on NPR and became host of the prime time TV show Decision House in 2007. In 2006, Judge Lynn published her book, My Mother’s Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius. Praised as an “awe-inspiring memoir” by Essence Magazine, it not only chronicles her life as a child raised in the shadow of her father’s mental illness but provides practical advice for anyone seeking more and better emotional control

Having completed more than two thousand episodes, on DIVORCE COURT, Judge Lynn Toler turns up the heat on court shows in this half-hour, relationship oriented series. Viewers experience the drama firsthand as husbands and wives square off in real-life courtroom battles.  Judge Lynn shares her wisdom and insight of the legal process, how to have a much smarter divorce…..or even save your marriage.  And, she speaks of her mission to gain awareness about teen violence.

Topics in this program include:

• How communicating better might help you avoid divorce
• What a judge can and cannot do
• The emotions of court; what to do to get a better resolution
• The inherent unfairness of no fault divorce
• The surprising truth about teen violence and what parents should be aware of Domestic violence – an explanation, coping and managing
• The limits of the legal system
• Intelligent mediation

The background of an individual – economic, cultural, education, age, sex or lifestyle – does not matter. Domestic violence, be it physical or emotional affects all walks of life. I recently attended a workshop on this topic and I wanted to share the following information……..

• The number one problem in society today is that 2/3 of people who are abused don’t come forward.
• You don’t have to physically abuse your children or partner to harm them.
• Abuse can take many forms: emotional, financial, cause terror or fear.
• 80% of children know it is happening when there is domestic violence in the family.
• There is a link between depression and violence.
• When there is violence in a family, not every parent can be a co-parent.

What can you do about domestic violence?

• Protect children; ensure their safety.
• Protect the wellbeing of a victim.
• Encourage the victim to get the help that she or he needs.
• Hold the perpetrator accountable – ensure this person gets help.
• Don’t ignore it.

If you are living in this terrible circumstance I urge you to reach out to mental health professionals, support organizations, and the courts for assistance in helping you seek safety.

No one should live in an abusive situation.

Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.

The issue of domestic violence is extremely serious and far too complex to be covered in a few short paragraphs in this blog. I do not want to treat it lightly, and I am not an expert on the topic. However, I do think it is important to know the available resources. If you are living in this terrible circumstance, then the stakes of your divorce are that much higher, the physical and emotional pain that you face is far greater, and the need for a support system to help you through this time and maintain your sanity is that much more urgent. You can reach out to mental health professionals, support organizations, and the courts for assistance in helping you seek safety.

 - Mental health professionals. Look for someone who has training and competency in working with the dynamics of domestic violence and abuse. You may find someone with the appropriate training and understanding through your lawyer or family doctor.

 - Women’s shelters. If you are in an abusive, violent relationship, you may seek refuge in a shelter for a period of time.

 - The court system. You can use the courts to obtain a restraining order or a no contact order.

Help for Victims of Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline

www.ndvh.org

(800) 799-7233

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) is a not-for-profit organization that provides crisis intervention, information, and referrals to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends, and families. The hotline answers a variety of calls and is a resource for domestic violence advocates, government officials, law enforcement agencies, and the general public. NDVH serves as the only domestic violence hotline in the United States and has access to more than five thousand shelters and domestic violence programs across the United States, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Shelternet

www.shelternet.ca

Shelternet is a Canadian national not-for-profit charitable organization committed to working toward the prevention of violence against women and their children. Shelternet is dedicated to decreasing barriers faced by women accessing help online, and to increasing the technological capacities of shelters for abused women and their children. The site contains special sections on topics such as understanding abuse, finding shelter, and abuse and children.

Other ways to seek help: To find help in your local area via the Internet, use a search engine such as Google (www.google.com) to look up phrases such as “assaulted women’s hotline,” “domestic violence,” “family violence,” “abusive situations,” and “shelters” along with the name of your city or area.

Call 911 or your local police if you are in immediate danger.