Posts filed under ‘The Smart Divorce’

Your presence is requested as we celebrate our divorce

The invitations to Charles and Bonnie Bronfman’s latest fete are embossed and formal. Guests of the Canadian-born business magnate and his architect wife are asked to wear proper business attire for the fancy event — a night of cocktails and party chatter in New York City. And before signing off on the invites with “Fondly, Bonnie and Charles,” they tell guests how much they look forward “to continuing these relationships with everyone.”

To read the full article, and view a quote by Deborah Moskovitch, open the pdf below.

Your presence is requested as we celebrate our divorce

May 24, 2011 at 3:44 am 1 comment

Grey divorce is on the rise — Huffington Post

Recent statistics show that the divorce rate has increased significantly amongst couples who have been in long term marriages of 20, 30 years or longer. Just look at Tipper and Al Gore, Kurt and Martha Schrader, Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Sumner Redstone and Phyllis Gloria Raphael, are some couples that spring to mind. People seem to be scratching their heads and asking, if these couples have made their marriage work this long, why couldn’t they last “till death do us part.

To read the full article in The Huffington Post, click on the link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/post_2054_b_865942.html

May 24, 2011 at 1:20 am Leave a comment

10 Things We Wish We Had Known about Getting a Divorce

BY CARA WATERFALL

Don’t Be Ashamed to Reach Out to Family and Friends.
When you got married, you thought you would be the one to rise above the stats and make it work. Now you’re consoling yourself with a tub of Chubby Hubby and Married with Children re-runs, wondering where it all went wrong. The latest estimates from Statistics Canada put the divorce rate around 38% in Canada.  The good news? You’re not alone. And relying on friends and family during this difficult time is the key to getting you back on the road to happiness.

Accept That There Will Be Lonely Periods.
There are no two ways about it: you’re going to be lonely. Jamaal, 34, says, “How could you not be? Many hours of the week that used to be occupied will now be free; the home that used to be full of conversation (or disagreement) will be silent. Be ready for it.”
Keep busy with new hobbies, hanging out with friends, and reconnecting with family. Above all, don’t mistake your need for human contact as a sign you should jump into another relationship.

Remember The Bad Times
It’s normal to reminisce about the good, old days.  A recently separated 34-year-old said, “It’s only natural that we should hold on most strongly to the happy memories, and dismiss or gloss over the unhappy ones. It’s important to remember that the decision to split up was not taken lightly.” Divorce can turn your life upside down, but you would still be together if it was all puppy dogs and rainbows.

Cut The Cord
You need a period of non-contact between you and your ex to adjust to life “on the outside.” Although it’s admirable to think we’re all mature enough to sustain grown-up relationships with our exes, for most of us, this just won’t be the case. There’s no good reason to torture each other with phony pleasantries—unless you have kids together. Don’t muddy the already-murky waters.

You’re Divorcing More Than Your Husband.
Divorce is not only the death of a marriage, but also of some of the shared hopes and dreams. Although it can feel intensely private, others were along for the ride: your ex’s family and friends were part of your inner circle and now they can’t be. Tina, 44, remembers “how much divorce hurts people other than yourself.” She also recalls how radically her future changed: “What I thought my life was going to become was altered when I became divorced.”

You’re Also Divorcing a Lifestyle
Montreal-based divorce coach Marilyn Rackover’s first order of business for her clients is that wives become familiar with the family finances. As a divorcée herself, she was fortunate to have a husband who shared what items needed to be negotiated—like health insurance—and many women are included in their husband’s health coverage. It’s time to create your own financial identity—separate from your ex’s.

Create A Paper Trail For Everything.
Deborah Moscovitch, the founder of The Smart Divorce, encourages people to treat the divorce as a business transaction. In addition to a financial paper trail, keep a paper trail of everything that been discussed and agreed upon.

Getting Sound Advice is Critical.
Don’t underestimate the power of a good divorce lawyer. It’s important to have a trusted third party to guide you through the complexities of divorce proceedings. Your lawyer can point out the fine print—and help you understand it.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

One woman remembers how her friend ranted about a potato-masher that her ex had in his possession. Of course, she wasn’t really upset about the potato-masher! Recognize that the pain of divorce stems from many different things and that pointing fingers is pointless.  Don’t quibble about the little things, because they may come back to bite you—and ultimately, they impede your ability to move forward.

You Are Stronger Than You Realize.
By standing on your own two feet, you empower yourself.  One 44 year-old divorcée was always known as the one who didn’t take charge until she finally listened to her own intuition and left her husband. She said: “When I took charge of my life, I was so proud of myself, because I realized I could do it without his help.”

*Not her real name

Resources:
1.    http://imfcanada.org/default.aspx?go=article&aid=1182&tid=8
2.    http://www.vifamily.ca/sites/default/files/divorce_facts_causes_conseque…
3.    http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/main.html

Original article appeared on

http://www.ivillage.ca/relationships/divorce/10-things-we-wish-we-had-known-about-getting-divorce#

May 15, 2011 at 9:38 pm Leave a comment

Six divorce advice tips

Going through a divorce can be tough in many ways. Here is some thoughtful advice to help get you through this chapter, and on to a brighter tomorrow.

Divorce advice

A divorce can take its toll on everyone involved. As you process the reality of what you and your family are actually going through, you might be left feeling mentally and emotionally drained, and quite alone in your experiences. But the truth is, you’re not, and you will get through it. Here are 6 great articles and tips with solid divorce advice to help you get through this difficult time

1. Surviving divorce at midlife
You’re going through a divorce and your life is about to change quite dramatically. One woman discusses how a surprise divorce gave her a new path in life.

2. Reclaim your space after divorce
So your ex has moved out – now what? One of the best ways to get through a divorce is to reclaim your own space. Check out our guide to moving your home from “we” to “me”.

3. 5 steps to post-divorce happiness
Your marriage may be over, but that doesn’t mean your life is. Expert tips on how to survive life post-divorce, and how to find your happiness again.

4. After divorce: Happier, stronger you
Identifying herself as a formerly married person didn’t work. But as a fabulous single woman…

5. Home alone: The post-divorce social scene
It may not be easy, but it is possible. This artlcle explores ways in which you can rebuild your social life after a divorce.

6. From dam to glam: Dating after divorce
The dating game has never been an easy one. And now that you’ve been there, done that, and are back again, how do you get back in? You will also find useful tips here to ensure you are putting your children’s best interests first.

By: Simone Castello & More.ca

This article is original content on More.ca

You might also be interested in reading Canadian divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch’s Midlife divorce advice for women. Are children of a divorce really doomed? Check out Divorce myths debunked to find out. Also, is it possible your parents are to be blamed for your midlife divorce?

For this article and more, click on
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/6-divorce-advice-tips/a/34568

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/deborah-moskovitch-midlife-divorce-advice-for-women/a/1909

May 6, 2011 at 8:30 pm Leave a comment

The doyennes of divorce

Divorce is a live changing event.  I can certainly attest to that, as my life has changed dramatically.  I feel that my divorce has opened up a world of opportunity, and led me on path that I never dreamed of when I first separated.  Divorce is rich in opportunity to learn and grow from; I am the author of The Smart Divorce, and a successful Divorce Consultant and Author.  Read on to see how others are changing the world of divorce and helping others.

Below please find an excerpt from More magazine about three women who are remapping the road to Splitsville, and helping others along the way.

The doyennes of divorce

Take Toronto’s Deborah Moskovitch, 51, whose book, The Smart Divorce, was published in 2007 after her own disastrous seven-year-long divorce. While writing the book, she began to get phone calls from friends, relatives, even strangers asking her for advice. “That’s when I realized there was a need for people to understand the divorce process itself,” she says.

In response, the mother of three launched a divorce consulting business in 2006. In addition to word-of-mouth referrals, her main marketing tools have been a website and strategically cultivated media contacts. Before long, she’d become a go-to girl on divorce for the media (she has appeared in the Globe and Mail, on the television program Money Maze and on more.ca, to name a few). That high profile has provided her with a steady stream of clients.

Guiding people through divorce

Moskovitch isn’t a marriage counsellor or a lawyer; her background is in marketing. But her seminars and consulting sessions aim to guide people through the tough choices — from deciding on a process and a lawyer to staying sane and handling parenting. Moskovitch keeps a roster of mental health professionals, parenting experts and lawyers so she can offer referrals as needed. But mainly she guides her clients, keeping their bottom line in mind. Among her pearls of wisdom: “You have to recognize you’re not going to get revenge in court — you’re going to get legal bills.”

Moskovitch has recently hooked up with large companies and government organizations to offer divorce workshops and private consultations to employees. Her book is now in its second printing — in part because the experts she interviewed for it often buy it in bulk and sell or give it to clients — and she has two more in the works. “Am I really rich? No,” says Moskovitch. “But it’s evolving. I’ve recently realized my dream to have a radio talk show about helping people deal with a life reconfigured by divorce.”

To view the full article, click on the link below

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/the-doyennes-of-divorce/a/35287/2

May 6, 2011 at 12:51 am Leave a comment

Divorce Stats, Fact and Myths

Tune in and watch my interview on Breakfast Television.  I speak with host Jennifer Valentyne about divorce, the impact on children, the friend dynamics when a couple breaks up and more.

My interview aired at 7:40 am, which is the second to last part of this segment.

http://video.citytv.com/video/detail/847024745001.000000/tuesday-7am8am/

March 23, 2011 at 2:25 am Leave a comment

What’s family day really about?

Given that today is family day in Ontario, it has given me time to stop and ponder.  Although I’ve had to work all day, being surrounded by my children is something I will always be thankful for.

The legal community and researches often define divorce matters in technical terms…….custodial parent, custody, access, primary residence, but the term that irks me most is “broken home”.  I understand the legal rationale behind referring to certain terms, but when it comes to defining a family run by a single parent as broken, I wonder — where is the break?  Perhaps I’m sensitive, but I don’t consider my children to be growing up in a “broken home.” When I talk to my children, we call ourselves a family because that’s what we are.

Families.  Single parent households, blended families, same-sex families, cohabitating families…….there are, I know, many other reconfigurations that I haven’t even mentioned.  When you’re divorced and single suddenly the words family day take on new meaning.

What if you’re divorced with no children, and perhaps no extended family in your life to share the day – does that mean you can’t celebrate? I suggest, reach out to your friends who have become your extended family.  Let them know how special they are to you.  Think about what family means to you and start building important bonds and relationships that you hope can be long lasting.

If you have become estranged or alienated from your family and children use this time to reflect and try to understand what went wrong.  Perhaps this can be the day when you start mending those broken relationships.  The ending of a relationship between a parent and a child is probably one of the most painful experiences to ever happen.

I recently interviewed Jill Egizzi on my new radio show The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio.  Tune in to hear the Jill’s painful experience of becoming a targeted parent and losing the relationship with her children.

Click here to listen to the interview http://tinyurl.com/Jill-Egizzi

What do you do to overcome these devastating scenarios of parent alienation?  Dr. Robert A. Simon, a clinical and forensic psychologist in California suggests:

“Parental Alienation Syndrome, though a very real phenomenon, is something that I believe has become rather “trendy” these days. One of the things I’ve come to understand about PAS is that even when a parent deliberately sets out to alienate the children from the other parent that the other parent often behaves in ways so as to “confirm” the alienation. In terms of re-establishing a relationship with your children, it is vital that you look carefully at yourself and at what you are doing or have done that may play into the hands of the children’s other parent.. Otherwise, no matter what the courts do, the children will still struggle in their relationship with you”.

I also suggest that you work with a parenting expert, psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker to help understand the dynamics and guide you to put the relationship right.  If you are dealing with a painful experience and having a difficult time rebuilding the relationship, you should still try to work with one of these professionals because you are most likely dealing with your own emotional turmoil that needs healing.

One a separate note, if you are having martial difficulties and considering divorce, tune into hear Dr. Simon speak about marriage counseling and considerations.  http://tinyurl.com/Dr-Robert-Simon

I would also like to refer you to the links at the side of this blog, there are some helpful sites to research these topics as well.

What I hope that you will take away from reading this post is how important it is for children to have a healthy relationship with both parents.  Of course, if one parent is abusive either physically or emotionally, that is not what I am referring to.  I am talking about a loving, healthy relationship where children are not used as pawns and both parents take their responsibilities seriously meaning emotional, financial and ensure their basic needs met.

If you are contributing to the breakdown of the relationship or your child’s other parent is, please reflect and consider the long term effects on your child and help to start rebuilding those relationships today.

If you are as fortunate as I am to have a healthy relationship with your children, then give them an extra hug today and tell them how much you love them.

Family day, parent child relationships and the meaning of family I’m sure for many is a hot topic.  I urge you to share your thoughts.  What are you doing to encourage a good relationship, overcome a painful relationship, or living with a strained relationship…….I would love to hear from you, please share your thoughts.

February 22, 2011 at 4:11 am Leave a comment

I Think My Marriage is Over, What Should I do Now?

Hear Dr. Robert Simon answer this question on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Is divorce always the outcome when there is conflict in the marriage?  Of course not, there are options to consider, and help available to put your marriage back on track.  This episode explores the role of marriage counseling, and the next steps required if the marriage results in divorce.  Once the decision to divorce is made, there are many considerations and issues to ponder.  Our guest, psychologist Dr. Robert A. Simon http://dr-simon.com/ provides us with tips and strategies for getting through the early days of separation with your sanity and dignity intact.

Topics in this program include:

  • The benefits of marriage counseling
  • Building your support network
  • Finding a therapist
  • Telling your children about divorce
  • Emotional healing and coping strategies
  • And so much more……..

To find out more click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/i-think-my-marriage-is-over-what-should-i-do-now-the-smart-divorce/

February 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm Leave a comment

A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles and the Bitter Realities of Family Court

There are many myths and misconceptions about what goes on in a Court Room.  When it comes to justice, all too often couples are disappointed by the outcome – and end up with large legal bills, family drama which causes an all out war, and a resolution that leaves couples disillusioned.

Our guest, Justice Harvey Brownstone, a sitting court judge, best-selling author of Tug of War, and host of Family Matters TV (http://www.familymatterstv.com/); helps us understand what really goes on inside the court room, and a judge’s mind.  Justice Brownstone has been called  a maverick judge who is a pioneer that is unilaterally changing the public image of the judiciary.

This honest and thought provoking interview will change the way you think about litigation, and how you work through the divorce process. We are fortunate to have Justice Brownstone share his thoughts and enlighten listeners as to what really goes on in Court, and what really matters.

Topics in this program include:

  • The impact of litigation on the family
  • What is really in your children’s best interest
  • The importance of a legal consultation
  • A frank discussion about divorce, relationships and so much more

To listen to Justice Brownstone’s interview click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/a-judges-verdict-on-the-bitter-realities-of-family-court/

February 17, 2011 at 4:44 pm Leave a comment

Announcing The Smart Divorce Radio Show

The Smart Divorce radio show on Divorce Source Radio.

Divorce touches almost everyone in society. If you haven’t personally experienced divorce, chances are you know someone how has. The impact on the individual, the family, and society are monumental. People are searching for answers and information to get through the divorce process with their sanity and dignity intact; they want to move forward with focus hope and confidence.

Brimming with expert advice and the personal experience and expertise of the hosts, Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck, listeners are entertained and educated with an enlightening, provocative and informative show. This is a unique and valuable show. There isn’t anything like this anywhere else.

From the trenches to the Benches — interviews with the leading divorce professionals across North America will be shared so that listeners will learn how to manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life postdivorce. We’ll also be speaking with individuals who have weathered divorce, and are sharing their experience by helping others as well.

Divorce Source Radio produces FREE programs featuring both legal and emotional advice from respected professionals. Tune in every week, to listen to our free programs on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/

February 11, 2011 at 1:35 am Leave a comment

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