Posts filed under 'The Smart Divorce'

When women are better off divorced

Divorce is rich in opportunity to learn and grow from.  While it may be an ending to your marriage, it can be a new beginning to a fulfilling life.

An article appeared in the Toronto Sun talking about how some celebrities have shown strength during the divorce process, and have moved on valiantly.

I offer some tips in that article how to get your groove back, and move on to a better life post-divorce.

“Showing the world your happy face won’t only keep

the less sympathetic tabloids at bay, it could actually

change your whole perspective.”

Click on the link to view the full article.

http://www.torontosun.com/life/2010/08/27/15159681.html#/life/2010/08/27/pf-15159681.html

Add comment August 30, 2010

An interview with Justice Harvey Brownstone

I was recently interviewed by the best selling author and sitting court judge, Justice Harvey Brownstone, on his show Family Matters.

People often ask me how I was able to move one despite the conflict I experienced throughout the divorce process.  I share tips and strategies about how to have The Smart Divorce, the trying times I experienced in the litigation process and much more.

Tune into Family Matters to listen to the full interview.

http://blip.tv/file/4051970

Add comment August 28, 2010

Hear Deborah on Divorce Source Radio

Hear Deborah talk about

The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Have you hear about internet radio show Divorce Source Radio?

Divorce Source Radio is a free Audio Source for help and support if you are in the process of divorce.  Host, Steve Peck interviews leading divorce attorneys, psychologists, family counselors and experts in the field of divorce to provide you advice and support during and after your divorce.

I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and how to navigate the divorce process.  Tune into program #28 at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/Listen.html

Learning The Smart Divorce process helps you move efficiently and effectively through the practicalities and process of divorce while significantly reducing the complexity, costs and time involved ending a marriage.

By providing the tools and strategies to make better informed decisions for you and your children, The Smart Divorce helps you move forward with focus, hope and confidence.

If you are considering divorce or just beginning the process, according to Divorce Source Radio, this is a must hear program!

Add comment July 26, 2010

Taking Charge of Your Separation and Divorce

Taking Charge of Your Separation and Divorce

impact – options – opportunities

I was part of a “one stop” information panel of experts discussing the emotional, legal, financial, and child aspects of divorce.  I thought the handouts provided would be very helpful…….the information if provided both within this post, as well as attached within a pdf.

Being smart about divorce means arming yourself with as much information as possible…..here’s a start.

THE SMART DIVORCE®

Handout- The Smart Divorce

What is A Smart Divorce?

The Smart Divorce process will help you to:

  • understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
  • understand the various dispute resolutions available
  • make informed decisions
  • minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress

Be SMART about your divorce.

State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.

Maximize your information and knowledge base.

Avoid reacting to your emotions.

Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.

Treat your divorce as a business transaction.

How to start The Smart Divorce

  1. Develop your support network – therapist/supportive counselor, support groups, clergy, divorce consultant and friends.
  2. Choose your lawyer carefully – interview 3 family law lawyers.
  3. Be informed.  Understand the dispute resolutions:   Do-It-Yourself; Negotiation; Mediation; Collaborative Family Law; Arbitration; Litigation; private companies who offer divorce mediation/resolution.
  4. Put your children’s best interests first.
  5. Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.
  6. Get your finances in order.
  7. Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.
  8. Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.

You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com

or, by calling her office at 905.695.0270

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.

Copyright ©2010 The Smart Divorce® and Deborah Moskovitch

All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce.

Legal considerations

“Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce”

Handout – Legal considerations

Presentation by:

Wendy E. Best, Q.C.

Dunphy Best Blocksom LLP

February 25, 2010

1. Custody/parenting

(i)                 shared

(ii)               joint

(iii)             sole

2. Child Support

(i)                 Federal Child Support Guidelines

(ii)               Alberta Child Support Guidelines

(iii)             base table support

(iv)             Section 7 expenses

(a)                child care expenses incurred for employment, illness or education

(b)               medical/dental insurance premiums re: child

(c)                health/dental expenses over insurance by at least $100/year (ortho, counselling, physio, drugs, glasses)

(d)               extraordinary expenses for primary or secondary school

(e)                post secondary expenses

(f)                extraordinary extracurricular expenses

(v)               split custody

(vi)             shared custody (40% of time)

(vii)           incomes over $150,000

(viii)         undue hardship

(ix)             retroactive

(x)               disclosure

3.        Spousal Support

(xi)             Divorce Act

(xii)           Family Law Act/Adult Interdependent Relationships Act

(xiii)         Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines

(xiv)         entitlement

(xv)           periodic

(xvi)         lump sum

(xvii)       combination

4.     Property

(i)                 What is property

(ii)               unmarried: constructive trust/unjust enrichment

(iii)             married: Matrimonial Property Act

(a)                exemptions

(i)                 gifts from third parties

(ii)               inheritance

(iii)             owned before marriage

(iv)             damages in tort

(v)               insurance policy (not re: property)

(b)               increase in value of exempt property – 13 factors

(c)                transfer into joint names

(d)               all other property acquired – presumption of equal sharing

(e)                property (assets/debts) acquired after separation or changes in value

(f)                gifts or non bona fide transfers

(g)               exclusive possession of matrimonial home

5.         Miscellaneous/Common Misunderstandings

(i)                 divorce

(ii)               legal separation

(iii)             abandonment

(iv)             conduct

(v)               what to expect/ask in your first consult

Financial Considerations

7  Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Handout- 7 Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Divorce demands financial decision-making that will alter the rest of your life. Most people have no knowledge of the specifics of the finances of divorce. Most people are too emotional to make sound financial decisions regarding their future. Quite often poor choices are made, choices that are permanent. You must educate yourself on the finances of your divorce.

We have a deep and personal understanding of the financial implications of divorce. At Alberta Divorce Finances, we empower men and women going through divorce by educating them on the financial and tax implications of the decisions that they will make in their own divorce.

A 50/50 Property Split is Not Always Equal

What do you need to know to ensure that your settlement is both fair and equitable?

  1. 1. Money will almost always become an issue in divorce

  1. 2. Understand that a 50/50 division of property is not always equal

  1. 3. Make sure that you can afford to keep the house before you settle this matter

  1. 4. Understand the “true” value of your investments and RRSPs

  1. 5. Ensure that Pensions are valued properly.

  1. 6. Ensure that the payor of child and/or spousal support has Life Insurance to fulfill future support obligations.

  1. Many divorce decisions have implications for your tax return

Divorce is a very difficult and very emotional time and bad decisions are made under stress.  You must become educated on “what you need to know” about the finances of your divorce.

Visit: Alberta Divorce Finances.com

Child Considerations

HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION/DIVORCE:

Handout – HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION

v            The way in which parents manage their separation/divorce impacts their children; each individual can

make a difference by their OWN choice of behaviors

v            In separation/divorce, co-parents need to shift their former intimate relationship to that of neutral

business associates linked for the long-term in the “business of co-parenting”

v            Children’s needs and feelings should be a priority; they require reassurance that they are loved by

both parents and belong to both parents and extended families

v            Giving kids permission and opportunities to be attached and to maintain relationships with both

parents/families is important to their well being and growth/development

(*some exceptions: family violence, substance abuse, profound mental health issues)

v            Conflict is typically a part of separation/divorce; how it is managed has an impact on outcomes for

children; kids need to be kept out of “adult issues” including parent conflict and encouraged to regain

and resume their own life pursuits to meet their developmental ages/stages

v            Most often children view separation/divorce differently than the adults involved as they do not always

see it as a way of improving their life; parents can be sensitive to this difference in perspective

v            Children need understanding and guidance to manage and communicate their unique feelings and

behaviors through the process of separation/divorce

v            Shame, blame and embarrassment are feelings that children may express; they need reassurance and age

appropriate explanations that separation/divorce is not their fault

v            Attention to the variety of loss/grief reactions of both adults and kids is important through

separation/divorce; Examples: sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and feeling physically unwell

v            Parents may be less available for their children particularly in the first year of separation/divorce

(“diminished parenting”); this may negatively impact kids outcomes as they need their parents most at

this time of change and transitions

v            When possible, minimizing and “pacing” the multiple changes in their lives as a result of the

separation/divorce is helpful for kids; strive for predictability and routines

v            Transitioning between two households can be difficult for some children; each parent can help their

children to manage this challenge with sensitivity, organization and support

v            A Parenting Plan is an essential working document that helps provide a framework for adults and

children to manage the separation/divorce; a detailed plan that is reviewed regularly helps address the

family’s changing needs

v            An individual’s influence and/or control with their co-parent is typically limited; their focus and energy

is better placed on developing a consistent life with their children in their own home

(Sandy Shuler, B.S.W., R.S.W., C.C.F.E. 2010. Reproduction only by permission. Sandy is the Co-author of the established “Effective Co-Parenting:  Putting Kids First” program;  Co-author of “Groupworks: training for small group facilitators” Developer of the “Fairway Divorce Solutions Nurtured Children Parent Education Seminar”;

Sandy is Director/Consultant of Family Life Works Inc.; www.familylifeworks.ca; 403-540-5608)

Add comment April 13, 2010

The Smart Split

The Smart Split

Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron

I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce.  The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce.  Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below.  Please note the helpful tips.

By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010

Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.

Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.

It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.

And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.

So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.

It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.

“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”

Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.

“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.

“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”

Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.

The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.

Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.

The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.

lkadane@theherald.canwest.com

———

Smart Tips

- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.

“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”

Four tips:

1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.

2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.

3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).

4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.

- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.

“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.

“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”

Four tips:

1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.

2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.

3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.

“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”

4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.

“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”

- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.

“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.

“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”

Four tips:

1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.

2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.

“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.

3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.

4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.

© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:

http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Smart+Split/2595250/story.html?id=2595250&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

3 comments February 22, 2010

Mapping out a prenup

Many people think a prenuptial agreement is for the rich and famous.  However, there are many issues that the average person needs to consider and discuss with their new partner.  It’s an excellent opportunity to understand his/her financial perspectives and expectations before you get married.  Many people are afraid to have this important conversation as they fear it might ruin the relationship.  But, if you can’t talk about the important things and expect that things will just “work itself out” when married, it doesn’t always happen that way.  Don’t you want an understanding of how each other thinks, and ensure you are on the same page?

  1. Think of it as marriage/divorce insurance.  You want the marriage to work, but if it doesn’t you’ve protected yourself.
  2. The blended family dilemma.  You want your children to support your new marriage; however you want them to feel protected as well.
  3. What if you die? Without sounding morbid, it is a consideration……how you want your assets to be divided between your new partner and your children.

There are many other obvious considerations. A recent article in Canadian Business answers this very important question:

I’m about to get married for the second time. How do I ensure that my children and my new wife won’t ever have to duke it out over my estate after I’m gone?

Mapping out a prenup – Canadian Business Magazine

1 comment October 30, 2009

Hear Deborah again on “Guy Talk”

Have you hear about the radio show on Newstalk 1010 CFRB, “Guy Talk”?  You can hear it live on Sunday evenings from 9 pm-10pm.

Guy Talk is a radio show that deals with psychological issues which modern men face.   The underlying premise of Guy Talk rests in the question: Why Won’t Men Grow Up? The creator/hosts of Guy Talk are Dale Curd and Stuart Knight.

I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and how to navigate the divorce process. November 1, 2009.  Tune in and feel free to call in with your views at 416 872 1010.  Although this show is targeted towards men, women are invited to call in as well.  I would be interested in hearing your perspective as we discuss the many issues divorcees are confronted with.

2 comments October 23, 2009

Get Your Justice Live Tonight with Deborah Moskovitch

Get Your Justice Live is an interactive internet talk radio show that focuses on reforming the judiciary, with a special focus on the anti-family courts within the United States.

Tune in live tonight with Get Your Justice Live with guest Deborah Moskovitch

Live Call Ins: 724-444-7444

Talk Cast Id: 39517

Pin 1#

To join the live chat simply follow this link: http://budurl.com/liveshowtimechat at 8PM EST or watch for the newsletter for the finished interview.

Tune in and listen live tonight to hear about The Smart Divorce

Add comment October 15, 2009

Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit

YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!

YOU CAN LEAD A LIFE FULL OF JOY AND HAPPINESS!

“Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit” which will be taking place  Monday and Wednesday Evenings,  9:00 – 10:00 pm EST beginning on October 12, 2009.

The Telesummit I will be featuring 8 teleseminars with 8 leading experts in the field of moving forward during, through and after divorce.

I am the first featured guest on this telesummit.  Tune in tonight and learn what to expect about the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, so that you are better prepared to move forward with focus and confidence, while saving time and money.

Click on the link http://www.lauracampbellcompanies.com/where-divorce-ends-your-destin/ to reserve your free spot.

Add comment October 14, 2009

Parenting Tips for Transforming Your Family

Make a family calendar and hang it wherever the children will see it, to show that you care. Make your children see that their lives are important to you and that they are your priority.

On the family calendar, list:

  • birthdates
  • school schedules
  • other dates, such as dental appointments, dance recitals, sports games, and so on.

Establish rules such as the following:

  • Each parent must order his or her own tickets for children’s events.
  • Each parent must make his or her own arrangements at school to get information.
  • It is not up to your former spouse to do those things or provide information for you.
  • It’s up to you to take the initiative.
  • Don’t make your son or daughter into the man or woman of the house.
  • Don’t turn your son or daughter into your best friend and confidant.
  • Don’t fill the void in your bed by allowing your child to sleep there. If you eventually start a relationship and no longer allow your child into your bed because you are sharing it with someone else, the child could feel displaced.

If you are the noncustodial parent, here are some ideas to help you maintain a positive relationship with your children:

  • Some schools allow children to leave the grounds for lunch; you may be able to take them out to lunch without affecting the custodial parent’s time. (Generally speaking, permission might be needed if it is a sole custody arrangement and the non-custodial parent wishes to exercise access.)
  • As much as you can, duplicate at your home the little things that your kids love at the custodial parent’s home–things like special Barbie dolls, books, and so on. Send out the message that you care. Duplicating items will remove the stress children may feel about taking their favorite things to the other parent’s home or about forgetting to bring them (but keep in mind that some items, like the favorite blanket or stuffed animal, can’t be duplicated).

Here are some ideas on how to maintain connections with teenagers:

  • Check in with your kids via their cell phones and e-mail accounts to just to say, “What’s up?”; “How was your day?”; and so forth. Checking in helps ensure that you have as much input with your kids as their friends do.
  • Be flexible; be an open door. Invite kids over either after school or for a few hours on the weekend, or just to have dinner, rather than for the full evening or weekend. You can say, “You are welcome the entire weekend, but I won’t be upset if you want to be with your friends; you tell me if it fits in. If not, and you want to be with your friends, I’ll drive you.” If you pressure your kids to give up time with their friends in order to be with you, it will only backfire, causing your children to avoid you.
  • If there are big differences in ages between siblings, plan one-on-one time with each child.

Source: The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Expert (Chicago Review Press, 2007)

1 comment September 3, 2009

Previous Posts


Categories

attorneys

bill of rights

Blogroll

books

Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD

budgets

budgetting

Child Abduction

Child Custody

Child Protection

children

children's

Children's Bill of Rights in Divorce

Collaborative Divorce

Counseling

Custody

custody and coparenting

Custody Evaluations

divorce

Divorce education

Divorce Grounds

Divorce research

Domestic Violence

domestic violence prevention

Emery's Divorce mediation Study

Ethics

Family Court Reform

Father involvment

financial divorce information

financial information

financial projections

Grieving Divorce

Happiness

helping children through divorce

information and support

Jusisdiction

lawyers

legal help

Marriage

Parent Alientation

parent education

parenting plans

Positive Psychology

relationship centre

relationships

Reproduction

Single dads

Support

Tax Issues

therapy

Understanding divorce for children

Feeds

 

September 2010
M T W T F S S
« Aug    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  

Recent Posts

Archives

Recent Comments

sherlin1234 on The Smart Split
Carolyne L on About
Carolyne L on About
The Smart Divorce on Applying for your child’s…
The Smart Divorce on The Smart Split

Pages

Top Clicks

RSS The Smart Divorce