Posts filed under ‘divorce’
How to Remake Your Pad Post-Split
Changing It Up From ‘We’ To ‘Me’
This article first appeared on more.ca
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/reclaim-your-space-after-divorce/a/22636
It was a dream-like experience. Upon returning from a weekend away with our children, the bedroom closets were empty — my husband, now my ex, had moved out. He took the fabulous living room furniture that we had purchased not that long ago. My world was changing.
The reality was, I wanted to stop thinking about who I had become upon divorce — a single woman — and focus on my surroundings. I wanted my home to change from our home to my home.
I wanted to shape my space to reflect my personality. I wanted to transform it into a space where I would be happy. Slowly, this philosophy would influence the décor throughout my home.
Of course, like most of the things I was dealing with, this was uncharted territory — especially learning to deal with my new budget. The first project I wanted to tackle was my new bedroom. The room which we shared, which was ours, was now mine. As I gloriously celebrated more closet space, I needed to create a room which would provide new memomories of the next chapter of my life. I fantasized about my new seductive boudoir, strewn with rose pedals and candlelight everywhere.
But the truth was, that wasn’t me. Reality set in and I did what I could — cost effectively, changing only my sheets, drapery and mattress. It was a fresh start.
The rest of the article can be seen on The Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/changing-it-up-from-we-to_b_1244994.html
Can Divorce Really Be Smart?
Did you know that divorce is a process?
di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.
If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.
Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”
Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.
To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com
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Helping an Employee Through Divorce
Breakups can take financial toll on employers, emotional toll on colleagues
By Deborah Moskovitch
I wrote this article for the HR Reporter which appeared in the January 30, 2012 edition.
Divorce or the breakdown of a relationship is an extremely emotional process. People are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process. Their world is turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.
Close to 50 per cent of marriages in North America end in divorce. The divorce rate rises to a staggering 60 per cent and higher for subsequent divorces by these same individuals. Clearly, we need to employ strategies that will get everyone, including those caught in the middle — often the children — off the “divorce-go-round” and on to a better life. We need to encourage healthy new beginnings, even when divorce looks like an end.
On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks number two — second only to the death of a spouse or child. People often feel overburdened and lack confidence so it’s not surprising many buckle under the pressure.
Divorce undoubtedly reduces a worker’s productivity. Research by Integrated Organizational Development in Waynesville, N.C., pegged the cost per worker going through a divorce at about $8,300, assuming an average wage of $19.50 per hour and a 50 per cent to 75 per cent drop in productivity. It also includes days missed as the worker takes time off to deal with the legal, financial and psychological issues related to divorce.
For the full article, click on the link:
HR Reporter_Helping an employee through divorce – Moskovitch copy copy
If you would like more information about workplace divorce support, check out The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit http://wp.me/pbONe-gF
I’m on Family Matters TV
If you live in Ontario, tune in tonight- January 24, to hear my interview on Family Matters with Justice Brownstone. It’s on CHCHTV @10:30, and repeated on Saturday at 6:30.
This is a one-on-one conversation with Debrah Moskovitch, author of THE SMART DIVORCE. Learn how to minimize conflict and enter into child-focused decision-making. Learn how to reinvent yourself from an ?ex-partner? to a ?co-parent?. And best of all, learn how to surround yourself with the people you need to maximize your opportunities for success in dealing with an ex-partner.
If you miss the show, or it isn’t broadcast in your area,this episode is now available on DVD. Please go to: https://www.createspace.com/327510 to order copies.
The Financial Realities of Divorce
The Finances of Divorce
A client came into my office the other day in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired once her divorce became final.
After a few more tears and 30 minutes of talking, she began to understand how the “emotional divorce” could impact “the legal divorce.” What this means is that there are two sides of divorce to wade through — the emotional and the legal. Divorce is upper-case Emotional, and if not managed properly, it can wreak havoc on the legal process and financial outcomes. While it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other — you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process — but the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and usually have to be managed at the same time.
To read the rest of my article which appeared on The Huffington Post, click on the link
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/the-finances-of-divorce_b_1214050.html
How to Help Your Friend During Divorce
I was recently interviewed by Jen Kirsch at Canadian Living Magazine about being a friend – to a friend during divorce. This is what we discussed:
How to help friends going through a divorce or breakup
By Jen Kirsch
People can make off-the-cuff remarks that can be really hurtful. For instance: “I never liked him in the first place,” or “You’re better off without that loser,” says Moskovitch. “These comments can trigger your friend’s own insecurities, and make her feel ashamed for being with her ex.”If you bad-mouth her ex, your friend may internalize your comments and think they reflect on her. You could be doing more harm than good, so avoid using put-downs or confessing how you really feel about her ex. “With time, the divorced couple may become amicable and you’ll have said things that can’t be unsaid,” Moskovitch reminds us.
Like this:
Moving Out and Moving On: Overcoming Domestic Violence
Our guest, Sharon Zarozny of Brilliant Exits (http://www.brilliantexits.com/) shares her personal story of overcoming the trauma she experienced as a victim of Domestic Violence and abuse. Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, and Sharon was hard pressed to believe that this was happening to her. Fact was, as an educated woman who’d traded in a successful career to be a stay at home mom, there was no wayshe and her daughters were the “victims” of that ugly phrase “domestic violence.” Sharon’s family had the trappings of a privileged life thanks to her husband’s thriving surgical practice. He was a brilliant Ivy League grad. It just didn’t add up.
If you can identify, get a copy of Susan Weitzman’s book Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages or check out nottopeoplelikeus.com. Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. In your world that swirls with “unreals” and craziness, you’ll find this book/site a gift of validation. You’ll know you are not crazy.
Also visit The Weitzman Center and download the free Care Kit provided. It too will help you understand and safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. When you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. Often the upscale abuser has the means, power and leverage to hire a legal dream team and use the courts to further the abuse.
To learn more about Sharon’s story, read her article that appeared in The Huffington Post:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sharon-zarozny/are-you-brave-enough-to-l_b_837390.html
To hear this important interview click on the link below
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/overcoming-domestic-violence-moving-out-and-moving-on/
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