Posts filed under ‘Divorce resources’

10 Things We Wish We Had Known about Getting a Divorce

BY CARA WATERFALL

Don’t Be Ashamed to Reach Out to Family and Friends.
When you got married, you thought you would be the one to rise above the stats and make it work. Now you’re consoling yourself with a tub of Chubby Hubby and Married with Children re-runs, wondering where it all went wrong. The latest estimates from Statistics Canada put the divorce rate around 38% in Canada.  The good news? You’re not alone. And relying on friends and family during this difficult time is the key to getting you back on the road to happiness.

Accept That There Will Be Lonely Periods.
There are no two ways about it: you’re going to be lonely. Jamaal, 34, says, “How could you not be? Many hours of the week that used to be occupied will now be free; the home that used to be full of conversation (or disagreement) will be silent. Be ready for it.”
Keep busy with new hobbies, hanging out with friends, and reconnecting with family. Above all, don’t mistake your need for human contact as a sign you should jump into another relationship.

Remember The Bad Times
It’s normal to reminisce about the good, old days.  A recently separated 34-year-old said, “It’s only natural that we should hold on most strongly to the happy memories, and dismiss or gloss over the unhappy ones. It’s important to remember that the decision to split up was not taken lightly.” Divorce can turn your life upside down, but you would still be together if it was all puppy dogs and rainbows.

Cut The Cord
You need a period of non-contact between you and your ex to adjust to life “on the outside.” Although it’s admirable to think we’re all mature enough to sustain grown-up relationships with our exes, for most of us, this just won’t be the case. There’s no good reason to torture each other with phony pleasantries—unless you have kids together. Don’t muddy the already-murky waters.

You’re Divorcing More Than Your Husband.
Divorce is not only the death of a marriage, but also of some of the shared hopes and dreams. Although it can feel intensely private, others were along for the ride: your ex’s family and friends were part of your inner circle and now they can’t be. Tina, 44, remembers “how much divorce hurts people other than yourself.” She also recalls how radically her future changed: “What I thought my life was going to become was altered when I became divorced.”

You’re Also Divorcing a Lifestyle
Montreal-based divorce coach Marilyn Rackover’s first order of business for her clients is that wives become familiar with the family finances. As a divorcée herself, she was fortunate to have a husband who shared what items needed to be negotiated—like health insurance—and many women are included in their husband’s health coverage. It’s time to create your own financial identity—separate from your ex’s.

Create A Paper Trail For Everything.
Deborah Moscovitch, the founder of The Smart Divorce, encourages people to treat the divorce as a business transaction. In addition to a financial paper trail, keep a paper trail of everything that been discussed and agreed upon.

Getting Sound Advice is Critical.
Don’t underestimate the power of a good divorce lawyer. It’s important to have a trusted third party to guide you through the complexities of divorce proceedings. Your lawyer can point out the fine print—and help you understand it.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.
One woman remembers how her friend ranted about a potato-masher that her ex had in his possession. Of course, she wasn’t really upset about the potato-masher! Recognize that the pain of divorce stems from many different things and that pointing fingers is pointless.  Don’t quibble about the little things, because they may come back to bite you—and ultimately, they impede your ability to move forward.

You Are Stronger Than You Realize.
By standing on your own two feet, you empower yourself.  One 44 year-old divorcée was always known as the one who didn’t take charge until she finally listened to her own intuition and left her husband. She said: “When I took charge of my life, I was so proud of myself, because I realized I could do it without his help.”

*Not her real name

Resources:
1.    http://imfcanada.org/default.aspx?go=article&aid=1182&tid=8
 2.    http://www.vifamily.ca/sites/default/files/divorce_facts_causes_conseque…
 3.    http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/main.html

Original article appeared on

http://www.ivillage.ca/relationships/divorce/10-things-we-wish-we-had-known-about-getting-divorce#

May 15, 2011 at 9:38 pm Leave a comment

Finding Happiness During Divorce

Finding Happiness During Divorce is the new program on The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch featuring Susan Pease Gadoua. Isn’t it time you find your happiness?

Our guest, Susan Pease Gadoua is the founder and Executive Director of the Transition Institute of Marin, specializing in meeting the needs of separating and divorcing men and women. We explore the importance of understanding your own needs, how to find your happiness, and the meaning of loving yourself.  It’s an enlightening and engaging conversation, tune in to learn how to find the power of happiness.

  • The meaning of happiness
  • What it means to love yourself, to be open to loving and healthy relationships
  • Preparing yourself emotionally for a great relationship
  • Why people get stuck in relationship traps – and being with the same personality type
  • Avoiding the relationship trap mistakes and downfalls
  • The risk of a rebound relationship

Click here to liste:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/finding-happiness-during-divorce/

May 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

Six divorce advice tips

Going through a divorce can be tough in many ways. Here is some thoughtful advice to help get you through this chapter, and on to a brighter tomorrow.

Divorce advice

A divorce can take its toll on everyone involved. As you process the reality of what you and your family are actually going through, you might be left feeling mentally and emotionally drained, and quite alone in your experiences. But the truth is, you’re not, and you will get through it. Here are 6 great articles and tips with solid divorce advice to help you get through this difficult time

1. Surviving divorce at midlife
You’re going through a divorce and your life is about to change quite dramatically. One woman discusses how a surprise divorce gave her a new path in life.

2. Reclaim your space after divorce
So your ex has moved out – now what? One of the best ways to get through a divorce is to reclaim your own space. Check out our guide to moving your home from “we” to “me”.

3. 5 steps to post-divorce happiness
Your marriage may be over, but that doesn’t mean your life is. Expert tips on how to survive life post-divorce, and how to find your happiness again.

4. After divorce: Happier, stronger you
Identifying herself as a formerly married person didn’t work. But as a fabulous single woman…

5. Home alone: The post-divorce social scene
It may not be easy, but it is possible. This artlcle explores ways in which you can rebuild your social life after a divorce.

6. From dam to glam: Dating after divorce
The dating game has never been an easy one. And now that you’ve been there, done that, and are back again, how do you get back in? You will also find useful tips here to ensure you are putting your children’s best interests first.

By: Simone Castello & More.ca

This article is original content on More.ca

You might also be interested in reading Canadian divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch’s Midlife divorce advice for women. Are children of a divorce really doomed? Check out Divorce myths debunked to find out. Also, is it possible your parents are to be blamed for your midlife divorce?

For this article and more, click on
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/6-divorce-advice-tips/a/34568

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/deborah-moskovitch-midlife-divorce-advice-for-women/a/1909

May 6, 2011 at 8:30 pm Leave a comment

Coping with the personality disordered spouse

Our guest, Emily Brown, is Director of Key Bridge Therapy & Mediation Center in Arlington, VA. (http://www.affairs-help.com/) works with couples, individuals, and families regarding the underlying issues in marriage, divorce, and betrayal. Battles over custody and related issues that are fueled by a personality disordered spouse can be the most frustrating of all wars.  The judges regularly get conned by the personality disordered spouse who makes nice in front of the judge; the other spouse who is angry and upset appears to be the problem.  Emily has worked with a number of these cases, trying to extricate the victimized spouse – and overcoming the frustration which many experience.  Tough cases, but she likes the challenge.

Topics in this program include:

  • Insight into personality disorder
  • How to deal with a persistent blamer, and managing within the legal system
  • How to help children when their parent is personality disordered
  • Finding the help you need to cope
  • The purpose of child custody evaluations with a personality disordered ex spouse.

Click on the link to hear the full interview

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/coping-with-the-personality-disordered-ex-spouse/

April 20, 2011 at 7:03 pm Leave a comment

Divorce: It’s All About Control

Tune into the Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio to hear this very informative interview with lawyer, Stacy Phillips.

Stacy D. Phillips, is a celebrity divorce lawyer extraordinaire.  She is the author of the best-selling book Divorce: It’s All About Control How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars http://www.controlyourdivorce.com); a certified family law specialist, and founder and the managing partner of Phillips Lerner & Lauzon LLP (http://www.plljlaw.com/Bio/StacyPhillips.asp.  In this exclusive interview Stacy offers advice on how to cope with losing control and avoid common divorce battles.

Topics in this program include:

  • An overview of the anatomy of control
  • Managing and coping with control
  • Dealing with the emotional, psychological and legal wars
  • What’s a good client; and working more effectively with your lawyer
  • The major divorce considerations and what to think about
  • Fighting just to win, is it worth it?
  • How to deal with an inflexible ex

Click on this link to hear about managing and overcoming the control

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/divorce-its-all-about-control/

March 13, 2011 at 11:26 pm Leave a comment

When a spouse comes out -new in the Huffington Post

I am thrilled to announce that I will be blogging for the Huffington Post.  All of these posts will also be posted to this blog as well.  This first blog is called “When a spouse comes out”; and I am proud to say it has had an phenomenal response.

To read the article, and view what readers had to say, please click on the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/when-a-spouse-comes-out-o_b_830214.html

If you would like more information, then tune into this very insightful interview with Amity Buxton who I interview on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio.  Amity discusses the grieving and healing process the occurs when the disclosure is made that your partner is GLBT.

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/out-of-the-closet-support-for-the-straight-spouse-2/

March 7, 2011 at 2:14 am Leave a comment

I Think My Marriage is Over, What Should I do Now?

Hear Dr. Robert Simon answer this question on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Is divorce always the outcome when there is conflict in the marriage?  Of course not, there are options to consider, and help available to put your marriage back on track.  This episode explores the role of marriage counseling, and the next steps required if the marriage results in divorce.  Once the decision to divorce is made, there are many considerations and issues to ponder.  Our guest, psychologist Dr. Robert A. Simon http://dr-simon.com/ provides us with tips and strategies for getting through the early days of separation with your sanity and dignity intact.

Topics in this program include:

  • The benefits of marriage counseling
  • Building your support network
  • Finding a therapist
  • Telling your children about divorce
  • Emotional healing and coping strategies
  • And so much more……..

To find out more click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/i-think-my-marriage-is-over-what-should-i-do-now-the-smart-divorce/

February 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm Leave a comment

A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles and the Bitter Realities of Family Court

There are many myths and misconceptions about what goes on in a Court Room.  When it comes to justice, all too often couples are disappointed by the outcome – and end up with large legal bills, family drama which causes an all out war, and a resolution that leaves couples disillusioned.

Our guest, Justice Harvey Brownstone, a sitting court judge, best-selling author of Tug of War, and host of Family Matters TV (http://www.familymatterstv.com/); helps us understand what really goes on inside the court room, and a judge’s mind.  Justice Brownstone has been called  a maverick judge who is a pioneer that is unilaterally changing the public image of the judiciary.

This honest and thought provoking interview will change the way you think about litigation, and how you work through the divorce process. We are fortunate to have Justice Brownstone share his thoughts and enlighten listeners as to what really goes on in Court, and what really matters.

Topics in this program include:

  • The impact of litigation on the family
  • What is really in your children’s best interest
  • The importance of a legal consultation
  • A frank discussion about divorce, relationships and so much more

To listen to Justice Brownstone’s interview click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/a-judges-verdict-on-the-bitter-realities-of-family-court/

February 17, 2011 at 4:44 pm Leave a comment

Announcing The Smart Divorce Radio Show

The Smart Divorce radio show on Divorce Source Radio.

Divorce touches almost everyone in society. If you haven’t personally experienced divorce, chances are you know someone how has. The impact on the individual, the family, and society are monumental. People are searching for answers and information to get through the divorce process with their sanity and dignity intact; they want to move forward with focus hope and confidence.

Brimming with expert advice and the personal experience and expertise of the hosts, Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck, listeners are entertained and educated with an enlightening, provocative and informative show. This is a unique and valuable show. There isn’t anything like this anywhere else.

From the trenches to the Benches — interviews with the leading divorce professionals across North America will be shared so that listeners will learn how to manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life postdivorce. We’ll also be speaking with individuals who have weathered divorce, and are sharing their experience by helping others as well.

Divorce Source Radio produces FREE programs featuring both legal and emotional advice from respected professionals. Tune in every week, to listen to our free programs on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/

February 11, 2011 at 1:35 am Leave a comment

The Smart Divorce Workshop at Centennial College

It’s not too late to register – if you are looking to gain greater insight into the divorce process and save time, money – and your skin……..space is still available for the October 23, 2010 workshop.

Click on the link for more information:

http://db2.centennialcollege.ca/ce/coursedetail.php?CourseCode=CESI-602

course code: CESI-602
course name: THE SMART DIVORCE
category: Lifestyle & Leisure
description: People often divorce without understanding that it is a process that has both legal and emotional components. Myths and misunderstandings prevail about the effects of divorce on parents and children. This workshop will help those contemplating or experiencing divorce navigate the process. Learn what to expect about all aspects of the divorce process, how to work more effectively with a lawyer and other professionals, and strategies and tips to reduce the complexity and costs. Become better prepared for your divorce, with focus and confidence, while saving time and money.
web site: http://www.centennialcollege.ca/fun
certificate:
register https://secure.centennialcollege.ca/webreg

For an unbiased look at what I talk about and the benefits so many have received, click on the link to view a recent article in Metro News entitled: Seminar targets “smart” divorce.  Or, read below.

http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/learn/article/273568–seminar-targets-smart-divorce

There is also another article about the workshops which appeared previously in The Toronto Star: http://www.thestar.com/SpecialSections/article/541734

Seminar targets ‘smart’ divorce

RAFAEL BRUSILOW

FOR METRO CANADA

August 05, 2009 2:28 a.m.

Worrying about divorce and its complications? It may be time to go back to school.

A three-hour seminar titled The Smart Divorce is being offered by Centennial College’s School of Continuing Education to help people understand the challenging complications involved in a legal marital split.

The seminar, part of Centennial’s Life and Career Skills division, offers tips and strategies for dealing with all aspects of divorce, including the legal and emotional components of divorce, how it affects children and parents alike, how to look for lawyers and deal with them efficiently and effectively, and where to turn for support.

“The course is for people who are contemplating it or are in the situation, experiencing the divorce process already,” said Mary Devine, chair of Centennial’s School of Continuing Education. “People can take away some strategies, skills and an increased confidence to work through their own situation.”

Instructor and divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch, author of The Smart Divorce, will head up the course.

Moskovitch went through her own messy divorce years ago and wants to pass the lessons she learned on to others who have never experienced the whirlwind of emotions and legal tangles at the root of any divorce. Most important of all, she hopes to instill a sense of hope in people worried that divorce is the end of the line emotionally.

“I truly believe that you can build a better life than you had before. Even if you were a victim, you have to rise above it and really find that happiness,” she said.

Moskovitch says attendance in the course in previous sittings has been almost an even 50/50 split among men and women.

The Smart Divorce runs on Oct. 23 from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. at Centennial and costs $32. For more information, visit centennialcollege.ca.

September 13, 2010 at 8:04 pm 1 comment

Older Posts Newer Posts

Categories

Feeds

Moving forward with focus, hope and confidence

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

 

May 2012
M T W T F S S
« Apr    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Recent Posts

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,648 other followers