Posts filed under ‘divorce options’
Introducing – The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit
I am pleased to announce the launch of a new product called: The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit. The purpose of the Tool Kit is to provide organizations, lawyers, mental health professionals and others in the divorce arena with a resource to help their employees and clients divorce with focus, hope and confidence. The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is one very smart package developed specifically to meet an individual’s needs.
This valuable Tool Kit is designed to reduce stress, educate and inform about the many aspects of the divorce process, and is cost effective and easy to understand.
Divorce or a breakdown of a co-habitation relationship is an extremely emotional process. While divorce is a personal matter the emotional impact can spill over into the workplace suddenly making it a public affair. There are so many unknowns about divorce that people are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process. In an effort to better heal and deal with divorce process privately, many individuals seek therapeutic counseling. However, not all therapists are equipped to help their patients understand the specifics of divorce to alleviate many of their concerns i.e. the legal process, financial impact or custody and access issues. As a result, an individual’s world is temporarily turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.
On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks No. 2–second only to the death of a spouse or child. The process of getting divorced is an emotional roller coaster which can impact people’s ability to be mindful on the job. Although divorce is primarily a personal heartbreak, the effects spill into the workplace; at the extreme – costing one to lose their job – not to mention a good portion of their wealth, and it can even affect the organization’s reputation. People often feel overburdened and lack confidence; it is not surprising how many buckle under the pressure.
It is well documented that divorce reduces worker productivity. If one were to do a cost benefit analysis of the effects of divorce in the workplace, one would find that the financial costs to the organization can be enormous.
I understand only too well how devastating the emotions of divorce can be, taking over the legal process while wreaking havoc on one’s career, causing a meltdown on so many fronts, and the difficulty in overcoming the challenges of raising children on your own. It is for these reasons that I created The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit. I know how important it is to treat your divorce as a business transaction, and arm yourself with as much information as possible.
The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit includes:
The Smart Divorce Audios. These unique and informative audios provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through divorce with clarity.
- Audio 1 – The Emotional Divorce
- Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
- Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
- Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce
Smart Guides. 12 very valuable tip sheets that support the information in the audios and cover other important issues; providing detail, strategies and tips for managing a specific divorce related topic.
In addition to the extensive information available in The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit, some organizations may also find it beneficial to offer workshops. These presentations will provide greater clarity about divorce and managing through the process, in an effort to minimize stress, while maximizing an employee’s attention at work during this often distracting time.
The Smart Divorce® facilitator guided workshop
- Workshop 1- The Smart Divorce. A 1 ½ hour overview of the divorce process based on the book, The Smart Divorce. The divorce process in explained in broad terms, while providing an understanding of the emotional divorce and the legal divorce
- Workshop 2- Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds. A one hour presentation focusing on considerations when blending families.
Note: Each workshop includes PowerPoint presentation and facilitator script.
Don’t miss out on the introductory offer and save $50 when you place an order a minimum order of 10 kits. Or, try it out and order just one Toolkit.
For more information click on the link. To learn more about this unique and innovative program, and how it may help your organization or practice, please contact Deborah Moskovitch at info@thesmartdivorce.com.
The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit _ Flyer
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10 Things We Wish We Had Known about Getting a Divorce
BY CARA WATERFALL
Don’t Be Ashamed to Reach Out to Family and Friends.
When you got married, you thought you would be the one to rise above the stats and make it work. Now you’re consoling yourself with a tub of Chubby Hubby and Married with Children re-runs, wondering where it all went wrong. The latest estimates from Statistics Canada put the divorce rate around 38% in Canada. The good news? You’re not alone. And relying on friends and family during this difficult time is the key to getting you back on the road to happiness.
Accept That There Will Be Lonely Periods.
There are no two ways about it: you’re going to be lonely. Jamaal, 34, says, “How could you not be? Many hours of the week that used to be occupied will now be free; the home that used to be full of conversation (or disagreement) will be silent. Be ready for it.”
Keep busy with new hobbies, hanging out with friends, and reconnecting with family. Above all, don’t mistake your need for human contact as a sign you should jump into another relationship.
Remember The Bad Times
It’s normal to reminisce about the good, old days. A recently separated 34-year-old said, “It’s only natural that we should hold on most strongly to the happy memories, and dismiss or gloss over the unhappy ones. It’s important to remember that the decision to split up was not taken lightly.” Divorce can turn your life upside down, but you would still be together if it was all puppy dogs and rainbows.
Cut The Cord
You need a period of non-contact between you and your ex to adjust to life “on the outside.” Although it’s admirable to think we’re all mature enough to sustain grown-up relationships with our exes, for most of us, this just won’t be the case. There’s no good reason to torture each other with phony pleasantries—unless you have kids together. Don’t muddy the already-murky waters.
You’re Divorcing More Than Your Husband.
Divorce is not only the death of a marriage, but also of some of the shared hopes and dreams. Although it can feel intensely private, others were along for the ride: your ex’s family and friends were part of your inner circle and now they can’t be. Tina, 44, remembers “how much divorce hurts people other than yourself.” She also recalls how radically her future changed: “What I thought my life was going to become was altered when I became divorced.”
You’re Also Divorcing a Lifestyle
Montreal-based divorce coach Marilyn Rackover’s first order of business for her clients is that wives become familiar with the family finances. As a divorcée herself, she was fortunate to have a husband who shared what items needed to be negotiated—like health insurance—and many women are included in their husband’s health coverage. It’s time to create your own financial identity—separate from your ex’s.
Create A Paper Trail For Everything.
Deborah Moscovitch, the founder of The Smart Divorce, encourages people to treat the divorce as a business transaction. In addition to a financial paper trail, keep a paper trail of everything that been discussed and agreed upon.
Getting Sound Advice is Critical.
Don’t underestimate the power of a good divorce lawyer. It’s important to have a trusted third party to guide you through the complexities of divorce proceedings. Your lawyer can point out the fine print—and help you understand it.
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.
One woman remembers how her friend ranted about a potato-masher that her ex had in his possession. Of course, she wasn’t really upset about the potato-masher! Recognize that the pain of divorce stems from many different things and that pointing fingers is pointless. Don’t quibble about the little things, because they may come back to bite you—and ultimately, they impede your ability to move forward.
You Are Stronger Than You Realize.
By standing on your own two feet, you empower yourself. One 44 year-old divorcée was always known as the one who didn’t take charge until she finally listened to her own intuition and left her husband. She said: “When I took charge of my life, I was so proud of myself, because I realized I could do it without his help.”
*Not her real name
Resources:
1. http://imfcanada.org/default.aspx?go=article&aid=1182&tid=8
2. http://www.vifamily.ca/sites/default/files/divorce_facts_causes_conseque…
3. http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/main.html
Original article appeared on
http://www.ivillage.ca/relationships/divorce/10-things-we-wish-we-had-known-about-getting-divorce#
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I Think My Marriage is Over, What Should I do Now?
Hear Dr. Robert Simon answer this question on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio
Is divorce always the outcome when there is conflict in the marriage? Of course not, there are options to consider, and help available to put your marriage back on track. This episode explores the role of marriage counseling, and the next steps required if the marriage results in divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, there are many considerations and issues to ponder. Our guest, psychologist Dr. Robert A. Simon http://dr-simon.com/ provides us with tips and strategies for getting through the early days of separation with your sanity and dignity intact.
Topics in this program include:
- The benefits of marriage counseling
- Building your support network
- Finding a therapist
- Telling your children about divorce
- Emotional healing and coping strategies
- And so much more……..
To find out more click on the link:
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Taking Charge of Your Separation and Divorce
Taking Charge of Your Separation and Divorce
impact – options – opportunities
I was part of a “one stop” information panel of experts discussing the emotional, legal, financial, and child aspects of divorce. I thought the handouts provided would be very helpful…….the information if provided both within this post, as well as attached within a pdf.
Being smart about divorce means arming yourself with as much information as possible…..here’s a start.
THE SMART DIVORCE®
What is A Smart Divorce?
The Smart Divorce process will help you to:
- understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
- understand the various dispute resolutions available
- make informed decisions
- minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress
Be SMART about your divorce.
State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.
Maximize your information and knowledge base.
Avoid reacting to your emotions.
Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.
Treat your divorce as a business transaction.
How to start The Smart Divorce
- Develop your support network – therapist/supportive counselor, support groups, clergy, divorce consultant and friends.
- Choose your lawyer carefully – interview 3 family law lawyers.
- Be informed. Understand the dispute resolutions: Do-It-Yourself; Negotiation; Mediation; Collaborative Family Law; Arbitration; Litigation; private companies who offer divorce mediation/resolution.
- Put your children’s best interests first.
- Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.
- Get your finances in order.
- Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.
- Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.
You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com
or, by calling her office at 905.695.0270
Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.
Copyright ©2010 The Smart Divorce® and Deborah Moskovitch
All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce.
Legal considerations
“Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce”
Handout – Legal considerations
Presentation by:
Wendy E. Best, Q.C.
Dunphy Best Blocksom LLP
February 25, 2010
1. Custody/parenting
(i) shared
(ii) joint
(iii) sole
2. Child Support
(i) Federal Child Support Guidelines
(ii) Alberta Child Support Guidelines
(iii) base table support
(iv) Section 7 expenses
(a) child care expenses incurred for employment, illness or education
(b) medical/dental insurance premiums re: child
(c) health/dental expenses over insurance by at least $100/year (ortho, counselling, physio, drugs, glasses)
(d) extraordinary expenses for primary or secondary school
(e) post secondary expenses
(f) extraordinary extracurricular expenses
(v) split custody
(vi) shared custody (40% of time)
(vii) incomes over $150,000
(viii) undue hardship
(ix) retroactive
(x) disclosure
3. Spousal Support
(xi) Divorce Act
(xii) Family Law Act/Adult Interdependent Relationships Act
(xiii) Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines
(xiv) entitlement
(xv) periodic
(xvi) lump sum
(xvii) combination
4. Property
(i) What is property
(ii) unmarried: constructive trust/unjust enrichment
(iii) married: Matrimonial Property Act
(a) exemptions
(i) gifts from third parties
(ii) inheritance
(iii) owned before marriage
(iv) damages in tort
(v) insurance policy (not re: property)
(b) increase in value of exempt property – 13 factors
(c) transfer into joint names
(d) all other property acquired – presumption of equal sharing
(e) property (assets/debts) acquired after separation or changes in value
(f) gifts or non bona fide transfers
(g) exclusive possession of matrimonial home
5. Miscellaneous/Common Misunderstandings
(i) divorce
(ii) legal separation
(iii) abandonment
(iv) conduct
(v) what to expect/ask in your first consult
Financial Considerations
7 Secrets to a Successful Divorce
Handout- 7 Secrets to a Successful Divorce
Divorce demands financial decision-making that will alter the rest of your life. Most people have no knowledge of the specifics of the finances of divorce. Most people are too emotional to make sound financial decisions regarding their future. Quite often poor choices are made, choices that are permanent. You must educate yourself on the finances of your divorce.
We have a deep and personal understanding of the financial implications of divorce. At Alberta Divorce Finances, we empower men and women going through divorce by educating them on the financial and tax implications of the decisions that they will make in their own divorce.
A 50/50 Property Split is Not Always Equal
What do you need to know to ensure that your settlement is both fair and equitable?
- 1. Money will almost always become an issue in divorce
- 2. Understand that a 50/50 division of property is not always equal
- 3. Make sure that you can afford to keep the house before you settle this matter
- 4. Understand the “true” value of your investments and RRSPs
- 5. Ensure that Pensions are valued properly.
- 6. Ensure that the payor of child and/or spousal support has Life Insurance to fulfill future support obligations.
- Many divorce decisions have implications for your tax return
Divorce is a very difficult and very emotional time and bad decisions are made under stress. You must become educated on “what you need to know” about the finances of your divorce.
Visit: Alberta Divorce Finances.com
Child Considerations
HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION/DIVORCE:
Handout – HELPING KIDS THROUGH SEPARATION
v The way in which parents manage their separation/divorce impacts their children; each individual can
make a difference by their OWN choice of behaviors
v In separation/divorce, co-parents need to shift their former intimate relationship to that of neutral
business associates linked for the long-term in the “business of co-parenting”
v Children’s needs and feelings should be a priority; they require reassurance that they are loved by
both parents and belong to both parents and extended families
v Giving kids permission and opportunities to be attached and to maintain relationships with both
parents/families is important to their well being and growth/development
(*some exceptions: family violence, substance abuse, profound mental health issues)
v Conflict is typically a part of separation/divorce; how it is managed has an impact on outcomes for
children; kids need to be kept out of “adult issues” including parent conflict and encouraged to regain
and resume their own life pursuits to meet their developmental ages/stages
v Most often children view separation/divorce differently than the adults involved as they do not always
see it as a way of improving their life; parents can be sensitive to this difference in perspective
v Children need understanding and guidance to manage and communicate their unique feelings and
behaviors through the process of separation/divorce
v Shame, blame and embarrassment are feelings that children may express; they need reassurance and age
appropriate explanations that separation/divorce is not their fault
v Attention to the variety of loss/grief reactions of both adults and kids is important through
separation/divorce; Examples: sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and feeling physically unwell
v Parents may be less available for their children particularly in the first year of separation/divorce
(“diminished parenting”); this may negatively impact kids outcomes as they need their parents most at
this time of change and transitions
v When possible, minimizing and “pacing” the multiple changes in their lives as a result of the
separation/divorce is helpful for kids; strive for predictability and routines
v Transitioning between two households can be difficult for some children; each parent can help their
children to manage this challenge with sensitivity, organization and support
v A Parenting Plan is an essential working document that helps provide a framework for adults and
children to manage the separation/divorce; a detailed plan that is reviewed regularly helps address the
family’s changing needs
v An individual’s influence and/or control with their co-parent is typically limited; their focus and energy
is better placed on developing a consistent life with their children in their own home
(Sandy Shuler, B.S.W., R.S.W., C.C.F.E. 2010. Reproduction only by permission. Sandy is the Co-author of the established “Effective Co-Parenting: Putting Kids First” program; Co-author of “Groupworks: training for small group facilitators” Developer of the “Fairway Divorce Solutions Nurtured Children Parent Education Seminar”;
Sandy is Director/Consultant of Family Life Works Inc.; www.familylifeworks.ca; 403-540-5608)
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Hear Deborah again on “Guy Talk”
Have you hear about the radio show on Newstalk 1010 CFRB, “Guy Talk”? You can hear it live on Sunday evenings from 9 pm-10pm.
“Guy Talk is a radio show that deals with psychological issues which modern men face. The underlying premise of Guy Talk rests in the question: Why Won’t Men Grow Up? The creator/hosts of Guy Talk are Dale Curd and Stuart Knight.
I’ve been invited to speak about The Smart Divorce and how to navigate the divorce process. November 1, 2009. Tune in and feel free to call in with your views at 416 872 1010. Although this show is targeted towards men, women are invited to call in as well. I would be interested in hearing your perspective as we discuss the many issues divorcees are confronted with.
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The Smart Divorce Workshop at Centennial College
The Smart Divorce Workshop at Centennial College……..
It’s not too late to register – if you are looking to gain greater insight into the divorce process and save time, money – and your skin……..space is still available for the October 4, 2009 workshop.
For an unbiased look at what I talk about and the benefits so many have received, click on the link to view a recent article in Metro News entitled: Seminar targets “smart” divorce. Or, read below.
http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/learn/article/273568–seminar-targets-smart-divorce
There is also another article about the workshops, which appeared previously in The Toronto Star: http://www.thestar.com/SpecialSections/article/541734
Click on the link for more information:
http://db2.centennialcollege.ca/ce/coursedetail.php?CourseCode=CESI-602
|
Metro News
Seminar targets ‘smart’ divorce
RAFAEL BRUSILOW
FOR METRO CANADA
August 05, 2009 2:28 a.m.
Worrying about divorce and its complications? It may be time to go back to school.
A three-hour seminar titled The Smart Divorce is being offered by Centennial College’s School of Continuing Education to help people understand the challenging complications involved in a legal marital split.
The seminar, part of Centennial’s Life and Career Skills division, offers tips and strategies for dealing with all aspects of divorce, including the legal and emotional components of divorce, how it affects children and parents alike, how to look for lawyers and deal with them efficiently and effectively, and where to turn for support.
“The course is for people who are contemplating it or are in the situation, experiencing the divorce process already,” said Mary Devine, chair of Centennial’s School of Continuing Education. “People can take away some strategies, skills and an increased confidence to work through their own situation.”
Instructor and divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch, author of The Smart Divorce, will head up the course.
Moskovitch went through her own messy divorce years ago and wants to pass the lessons she learned on to others who have never experienced the whirlwind of emotions and legal tangles at the root of any divorce. Most important of all, she hopes to instill a sense of hope in people worried that divorce is the end of the line emotionally.
“I truly believe that you can build a better life than you had before. Even if you were a victim, you have to rise above it and really find that happiness,” she said.
Moskovitch says attendance in the course in previous sittings has been almost an even 50/50 split among men and women.
The Smart Divorce runs on Oct. 4 from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Centennial and costs $32. For more information, visit centennialcollege.ca.
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Managing through a high conflict divorce
Lawyer, Bill Eddy has written a series of articles on divorce which I feel are a must read — for anyone wanting to understand the effects of high conflict on the family. The link to access these articles is:
http://www.eddylaw.com/articles.htm
What makes these articles unique is Mr. Eddy’s combined expertise as lawyer and social worker. I interviewed Mr. Eddy for The Smart Divorce. What I found most fascinating is while he understands that the emotional divorce and the legal divorce often get woven together; his strategies for dealing with personality disorder through this difficult time are exemplary.
If there is something more you would like me to explore in greater detail, please comment below.
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Tug of War – A judge speaks out about divorce in the courtroom
Tug of War
A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and the Bitter Realities of Family Court
Mr. Justice Harvey Brownstone
I just finished reading the book Tug of War and highly recommend it as required reading for anyone that is contemplating litigation for their family law disputes. When I conducted my interviews for The Smart Divorce, there wasn’t one judge who would make his/her views public. Justice Brownstone has gone out on a limb to communicate his views to the public. It is well written and provides a real perspective of what goes on in court – and is endorsed by his colleagues, which speaks volumes in terms of the credibility and accuracy of information.
Tug of War is the first book of its kind. Written by a sitting family court judge in layman’s language, it demystifies complex family law concepts and procedures, clearly explains how family court works, and gives parents essential alternatives to resolve their own custody battles and keep their kids out of the often damaging court system.
Breakup rates in North America are skyrocketing. Recent statistics say 45% of marriages end in divorce, and at the centre are countless children, thrust by their families into a complex and seemingly impermeable family court system. Tug of War explains the role of lawyers and judges in the family justice system, and examines the parents’ own responsibilities to ensure that post-separation conflicts are resolved with minimal damage to the children stuck in the middle of parental disputes. Justice Harvey Brownstone explores themes that apply to all families and parents in conflict. He draws on his fourteen years sitting on the family court bench to provide clear case examples with inclusive and accessible language.
Tug of War describes alternatives to litigation and exposes the myth that parents can represent themselves without a lawyer in family court. Justice Brownstone discloses the inner struggles of parents, judges, and lawyers in the maelstrom of marital conflict.
This book is a must-read for couples involved in or contemplating separation, family law judges, lawyers, mediators, parenting coaches, psychologists, family counselors, social workers, students and professors of family law at law schools. It is endorsed by judges currently sitting in Ontario and New York State.
*100% of author royalties from this book will be donated to Children’s Wish Foundation.
This book is available where ever books are sold, amazon.com and amazon.ca and many other online book seller sites.
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How to Divorce and not Wreck the Kids
If you are facing divorce or know someone who is,
this may be of interest…
The CBC showed a documentary this week called ” How to Divorce and Not Wreck the Kids” it is airing again Saturday January 10, 2009 at 10 pm ET/PT on CBC Newsworld. How to Divorce & Not Wreck the Kids takes viewers inside one of life’s most devastating transitions as three Canadian couples, determined to keep the needs of their children first, work through their separations on camera.
Within this documentary, Dr. Joan Kelly, an internationally acclaimed practitioner, researcher, educator and author in the field of divorce and separation, offers excellent advice to help put your children’s best interest first.
For Dr. Kelly’s Top 10 checklist to help protect your kids, more information and to watch this documentary online visit the CBC website:
http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/doczone/2009/howtodivorce/index.html
This is a very informative documentary and offers insight into the divorcing process using Collaborative Law.
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More workshops added……..
The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series
These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.
I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.
Click on the link for more information: The Smart Divorce Workshop Series
Program details:
The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009
The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009
with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns
The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008
The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009
with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns
“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto
“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville
Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)
Registration Fee: $25 per workshop
Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com
SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY
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