Posts filed under 'divorce consultant'
The Smart Split
The Smart Split
Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron
I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce. The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce. Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below. Please note the helpful tips.
By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010
Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.
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Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.
It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.
And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.
So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.
It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.
“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”
Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.
“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.
“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”
Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.
The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.
Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.
The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.
lkadane@theherald.canwest.com
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Smart Tips
- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.
“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”
Four tips:
1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.
2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.
3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).
4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.
- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.
“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.
“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”
Four tips:
1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.
2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.
3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.
“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”
4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.
“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”
- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.
“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.
“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”
Four tips:
1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.
2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.
“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.
3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.
4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.
© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald
To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:
Add comment February 22, 2010
Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit
YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!
YOU CAN LEAD A LIFE FULL OF JOY AND HAPPINESS!
“Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit” which will be taking place Monday and Wednesday Evenings, 9:00 – 10:00 pm EST beginning on October 12, 2009.
The Telesummit I will be featuring 8 teleseminars with 8 leading experts in the field of moving forward during, through and after divorce.
I am the first featured guest on this telesummit. Tune in tonight and learn what to expect about the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, so that you are better prepared to move forward with focus and confidence, while saving time and money.
Click on the link http://www.lauracampbellcompanies.com/where-divorce-ends-your-destin/ to reserve your free spot.
Add comment October 14, 2009
What Happy Working Mothers Know
I wrote a post on this blog a while ago with Cathy Greenberg, entitled — What Happy Divorcees Know.
http://blog.thesmartdivorce.com/2008/02/27/what-happy-divorcees-know/
Dr. Greenberg shared her insight and wisdom on achieving happiness post divorce. She is a psychologist and an internationally recognized authority on leadership applying the new science of happiness. Cathy has just released a wonderful new book, co-authored with Barrett Avigdor, an international Lawyer, executive coach and Fulbright Scholar. Their book is a must read for anyone, especially the working mom who is looking to achieve happiness; and balance the hectic life of work, and family.
I am proud to be among several dynamic, prominent and distinguished women, as a featured contributor. Click on the sidebar Happy Working Mothers.
http://www.h2cleadership.com/mom/about_book.php
Science and sociology have made great strides in understanding what makes us happy and how we achieve it. For working mothers who face endless demands on their time and attention, What Happy Working Mothers Know provides scientifically proven and practical ways to find the right balance and replace stress with happiness. Written by a behavioral scientist and global leadership guru, and an international lawyer and career coach, this mom-friendly guide offers practical tactics that truly work.
The demands of juggling work and home lead many women to try to do everything and be everything to everyone. In the effort to be Superwoman, many women lose sight of what makes them happy and they fail to realize how important their happiness is to being a good worker and a good mother. The key to being your best at everything you do is to take care of your happiness the way you take care of your health, through conscious choices every day. You’ll learn to overcome obstacles, apply lessons learned at work to your motherhood skills, and learn lessons from your children that you can apply at work.
• Includes interactive activities that illustrate important lessons in the book
• Shows you how to use positive psychology to shift from a scarcity mentality to an abundance mentality for workplace success
• Helps you tap into your own sense of joy every day for your own happiness and the happiness of those around you
• Science-based and packed with real case studies of real working moms
• Written by authors with impeccable qualifications and real-world experience
• Based on the successful books coauthored by Greenberg: What Happy Companies Know and What Happy Women Know
Many moms raise great kids and achieve the professional success they desire and deserve, but if they aren’t happy, what’s the point? This book doesn’t show you how to have it all, but how to have all the things that really matter.
3 comments September 1, 2009
Watch Deborah as she talks about ……..
Divorce, relationships and more
on Dear Valerie
Relationship expert and veteran journalist Valerie Gibson takes your calls about life, love and the pursuit of self fulfillment. Deborah Moskovitch is this week’s featured guest. It’s your live mid-day source for instant, honest and realistic advice on any aspect of life, love, sex, marriage, dating and family relationships. Tune in and call in, this Tuesday, June 16, 2009.
Call 416.446.7090 or toll-free 1-800-968-7836 and ask Valerie and Deborah your most intimate questions. Dear Valerie airs LIVE on Rogers TV Ontario-wide on Tuesdays at 2 PM.
Add comment June 15, 2009
Hear Deborah discuss how to have The Smart Divorce
What makes a smart divorce and what do you need to do to get there? Listen to this interview on Thatchannel.com; an internet television station.
I was recently interviewed on The Liquid Lunch and I discuss my motivations for writing The Smart Divorce, my perspectives on smart parenting and how to move on to create a better life postdivorce.
Click on the link to hear me speak.
Add comment April 15, 2009
A modern marriage of inconvenience
An insightful article appeared in The National Post today, written by Dave McGinn. It’s about the changing perspective on divorce in these difficult economic times.
Couples would rather stay under the same
roof than divorce in a downturn
A few weeks ago, a woman considering divorcing her husband walked in to Akeela Davis’s Vancouver office. A certified financial planner who specializes in divorce issues, Ms. Davis informed the woman that, given the details of her and her husband’s finances in the current recession, her financial future as a divorcee would be less than rosy.
So that was it. The woman realized that while there may not be any romance in her life these days, there was certainly a need for pragmatic decisionmaking.
“The picture didn’t look good and she said, ‘Well, I guess I’ll stick it out for now,’” says Ms. Davis, author of Divorce Dollars: Get Your Fair Share.
This is hardly an isolated case, says Ms. Davis. “The last six months, I have not heard of or seen a lot of separations. When you are concerned with day-to-day living, of making ends meet, yes it can serve to exaggerate the marital problems, but not to the point where you’re saying, ‘I can go off on my own.’ ”
With house prices dropping, portfolios plummeting and family worth diminishing, there is a smaller pie to divide among spouses, leaving some to ride out the tough times until a brighter financial picture emerges.
“In hard economic times, there is no question that there are more couples who decide to stick it out under the same roof,” says Justice Harvey Brownstone, who presides over the North Toronto Family Court.
“What I do see happening more and more [is] people who can’t afford to split up physically end up staying under the same roof and live as roommates, I guess you’d call it, because neither of them has the money to move out.”
Couples who elect to live under the same roof because divorce is not an affordable option are bound to find themselves in a high-stress environment — one that can be damaging for children.
Those couples that do wind up in family court are driven by “vengeance,” says Justice Brownstone. Last week, for example, he presided over a case where a couple spent more money bickering with one another over everything than it would have cost to put two children through university for a year.
“What were they arguing over? Which summer camp the children should go to and whether it should be July or August,” says Justice Brownstone, who attempts to unveil the workings of the family court system in his new book, Tug of War: A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles and the Bitter Realities of Family Court.
“The most common mistake people make is that they think there is going to be a winner and a loser, and what they find out very soon is that there is no winning in family court, only degrees of losing,” he says.
Divorce specialists say couples who are splitting up need to remove the emotional aspect of a divorce, otherwise they will watch their money go down the drain.
“When it’s too acrimonious they stop speaking to each other and do it only through their lawyers,” says Ms. Davis. “Also, what they tend to do is use money and the children as a way of making a point. … It can be a very costly principle.”
Deborah Moskovitch, a Toronto-based divorce consultant and author of The Smart Divorce, says it is no wonder some couples are putting off divorce for financial reasons. “You have to treat divorce like a business transaction.”
And wait to make any big moves until the economy improves.
2 comments February 14, 2009
Preparing for divorce pays off
If you would like an unbiased view of how I help my clients and my outlook on obtaining your smart divorce, please click on the link to view a recent article in The Toronto Star. The Toronto Star
1 comment February 1, 2009
Taking doom and gloom out of the divorce process
Taking the doom and gloom out of the divorce process can sound like a daunting process. But, it need not be if you are smart about your divorce.
With a smart divorce, you realize that the pain of divorce can be lessened dramatically by properly handling the competing emotional and legal sides of divorce. And, that you deal with the emotional side of divorce outside of the legal system. If you are able to do this then you are more likely to gain perspective on your legal options early on; this will assist you in making informed decisions, protect you from the damage that uncontrolled emotions can cause; and guide you in meeting your children’s best interest.
Being smart about divorce also means arming yourself with knowledge about the divorce process. There are many ways to research divorce. Here are a few ways that I can help you navigate the divorce process:
- Reading the book, The Smart Divorce – available at amazon.com, amazon.ca, barnesandnoble.com and wherever books are sold.
- My One-on-One divorce consulting can help you think strategically about the divorce process. one_on_one_consulting-pdf
- Enrolling in one of The Smart Divorce workshops.
There was a recent article in The Toronto Star which outlines the benefits of The Smart Divorce workshops. http://www.thestar.com/Comment/article/541734
If you think that any of this would be helpful for you, please don’t hesitate to contact me at info@thesmartdivorce.com
Wishing you all the best during this difficult time,
Deborah
Add comment November 25, 2008
The Smart Divorce Tip Sheet
THE SMART DIVORCE
Tip Sheet
What is A Smart Divorce?
The Smart Divorce process will help you to:
- understand the “emotional divorce” versus the “legal divorce”
- understand the various dispute resolutions available
- make informed decisions
- minimize the financial, legal and emotional stress
Be SMART about your divorce.
State your goals and objectives at the beginning. Make sure these are realistic.
Maximize your information and knowledge base.
Avoid reacting to your emotions.
Retain the best possible divorce team your budget allows.
Treat your divorce as a business transaction.
How to start The Smart Divorce
-Develop your support network – therapist, support groups, Clergy, divorce consultant and friends.
- interview 3 family law lawyers.
-Be informed. Understand the dispute resolutions – do-it-yourself; negotiation; mediation; collaborative family law; arbitration; litigation.
-Put your children’s best interests first.
-Hire the right team of professionals based on your needs – parenting expert; financial adviser and others.
-Get your finances in order.
-Stay organized – create your divorce notebook and divorce journal.
-Have a vision for how you want your life to unfold and develop strategies to get there.
You may contact Deborah by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com
or, by calling her office at 905 695 0270
Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways.
Copyright ©2008 The Smart Divorce and Deborah Moskovitch
All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce
Add comment November 10, 2008
