Posts filed under ‘dispute resolution’
Nothing is in this world is perfect, and certainly not the legal system. There are gaps in the system. The challenge is to work beyond the gaps…….as one lawyer once told me, the legal system was designed for criminals and, divorce is not a criminal act. So, given that perspective, I hope you can see why you should try to stay out of court. Of course, there are always exceptions, and at times, one has no choice but to litigate.
There was a 5 part series in the Toronto Star, investigating some of the issues people are confronted with when dealing with the legal system. What ever the issues, the bottom line is, there are problems, and that requires reforming the system.
I’ve attached links to the articles which may be of interest to you, my readers. While you might not agree with everything in these articles, it certainly will make you pause and think………the reality is, divorce is a life changing event, and we need to view this as a process, not a crisis. And, as I heard a lawyer so wisely say:
Divorce is a problem to be solved,
not a war to be won.
Here are the links to the articles:
Divorced dads can’t catch a break http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/704075–divorced-dads-can-t-catch-a-break
The good divorce http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705130–the-good-divorce
Kids hard hit in nasty divorces http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705251–kids-hard-hit-in-nasty-divorces
Grandparents go to court for access to grandkids
http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705808–grandparents-go-to-court-for-access-to-grandkids
Where separation occurs without anxiety http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/706400–where-separation-occurs-without-anxiety
Of course, I always like to have the last word and comment. My published letter to the editor, in response to the article entitled “Divorced dads can’t catch a break”, is below.
What’s the delay on shared custody?
Re: Breaking up: Family courts in crisis, Series
There are gaps in the legal system, leading to both fathers and mothers feeling that they are being treated unfairly. But, the real victims are the children who are losing out on a loving relationship with both parents, because of their parents’ conflict – who are too consumed with fighting each other, ignoring what’s in their children’s best interest.
Parents need to work together for the sake of the children, not against each other for vengeance, control and destruction of their ex partner.
Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce Consultant, Author, “The Smart Divorce”
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October 18, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Get Your Justice Live is an interactive internet talk radio show that focuses on reforming the judiciary, with a special focus on the anti-family courts within the United States.
Tune in live tonight with Get Your Justice Live with guest Deborah Moskovitch
Live Call Ins: 724-444-7444
Talk Cast Id: 39517
Pin 1#
To join the live chat simply follow this link: http://budurl.com/liveshowtimechat at 8PM EST or watch for the newsletter for the finished interview.
Tune in and listen live tonight to hear about The Smart Divorce
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October 15, 2009 at 12:00 am
The Smart Divorce Workshop at Centennial College……..
It’s not too late to register – if you are looking to gain greater insight into the divorce process and save time, money – and your skin……..space is still available for the October 4, 2009 workshop.
For an unbiased look at what I talk about and the benefits so many have received, click on the link to view a recent article in Metro News entitled: Seminar targets “smart” divorce. Or, read below.
http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/learn/article/273568–seminar-targets-smart-divorce
There is also another article about the workshops, which appeared previously in The Toronto Star: http://www.thestar.com/SpecialSections/article/541734
Click on the link for more information:
http://db2.centennialcollege.ca/ce/coursedetail.php?CourseCode=CESI-602
| course code: |
CESI-602 |
| course name: |
THE SMART DIVORCE |
| category: |
Lifestyle & Leisure |
| description: |
People often divorce without understanding that it is a process that has both legal and emotional components. Myths and misunderstandings prevail about the effects of divorce on parents and children. This workshop will help those contemplating or experiencing divorce navigate the process. Learn what to expect about all aspects of the divorce process, how to work more effectively with a lawyer and other professionals, and strategies and tips to reduce the complexity and costs. Become better prepared for your divorce, with focus and confidence, while saving time and money. |
| web site: |
http://www.centennialcollege.ca/fun |
| certificate: |
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| register online: |
https://secure.centennialcollege.ca/webreg |
|
Metro News
Seminar targets ‘smart’ divorce
RAFAEL BRUSILOW
FOR METRO CANADA
August 05, 2009 2:28 a.m.
Worrying about divorce and its complications? It may be time to go back to school.
A three-hour seminar titled The Smart Divorce is being offered by Centennial College’s School of Continuing Education to help people understand the challenging complications involved in a legal marital split.
The seminar, part of Centennial’s Life and Career Skills division, offers tips and strategies for dealing with all aspects of divorce, including the legal and emotional components of divorce, how it affects children and parents alike, how to look for lawyers and deal with them efficiently and effectively, and where to turn for support.
“The course is for people who are contemplating it or are in the situation, experiencing the divorce process already,” said Mary Devine, chair of Centennial’s School of Continuing Education. “People can take away some strategies, skills and an increased confidence to work through their own situation.”
Instructor and divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch, author of The Smart Divorce, will head up the course.
Moskovitch went through her own messy divorce years ago and wants to pass the lessons she learned on to others who have never experienced the whirlwind of emotions and legal tangles at the root of any divorce. Most important of all, she hopes to instill a sense of hope in people worried that divorce is the end of the line emotionally.
“I truly believe that you can build a better life than you had before. Even if you were a victim, you have to rise above it and really find that happiness,” she said.
Moskovitch says attendance in the course in previous sittings has been almost an even 50/50 split among men and women.
The Smart Divorce runs on Oct. 4 from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Centennial and costs $32. For more information, visit centennialcollege.ca.
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August 17, 2009 at 3:20 am
Lawyer, Bill Eddy has written a series of articles on divorce which I feel are a must read — for anyone wanting to understand the effects of high conflict on the family. The link to access these articles is:
http://www.eddylaw.com/articles.htm
What makes these articles unique is Mr. Eddy’s combined expertise as lawyer and social worker. I interviewed Mr. Eddy for The Smart Divorce. What I found most fascinating is while he understands that the emotional divorce and the legal divorce often get woven together; his strategies for dealing with personality disorder through this difficult time are exemplary.
If there is something more you would like me to explore in greater detail, please comment below.
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July 20, 2009 at 2:21 pm
The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series
These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.
I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.
Click on the link for more information: the-smart-divorce-workshop-f09-2-finr1
Program details:
The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009
The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009
with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns
The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008
The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009
with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns
“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto
“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville
Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)
Registration Fee: $25 per workshop
Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com
SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY
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January 30, 2009 at 11:52 am
New workshops have been added:
Limited space is available in The Smart Divorce® Workshops. These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients; while saving them time money – and their sanity.
Program details:
The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics –
September 16, 2008
The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce –
September 23, 2008
Time: 7:30 – 9 pm
Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto
(Yonge and St. Clair)
For more details, click on the pdf file below:
the-smart-divorce-workshop-invitation-sep08-pdf
If you feel that you could benefit from these workshops or for more information please contact Deborah Moskovitch at 905 695 0270 or by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com.
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July 10, 2008 at 6:40 pm
You have choices and options to arrive at your separation agreement. A smart divorce means doing the research and gaining the understanding of these options so that you are making your decisions with confidence.
Do it yourself
This is the situation when separating couples to try reach an agreement without legal counsel. When I conducted my research for my book, The Smart Divorce, not one lawyer recommended this option. They didn’t support this option because they felt it is imperative that people understand their rights in terms of what they are entitled to and financial responsibilities and obligations with regard to spousal support and child support. For example, you could be giving away or not getting your most important assets; you might not be doing what is in the family’s best interest. If you do decide to go this route, you should at least consult with a lawyer first to get independent legal advice to understand your rights.
Negotiation
Think of negotiation as taking your wish list regarding how you divide your assets and what your parenting responsibilities should be and use this list as a starting point for what you end up with. It’s me and my lawyer versus you and your lawyer finding a compromise– all with the goal of reaching an acceptable middle ground. It’s me versus you with our lawyers beside us. Usually, we’re both trying to get as much as possible.
Now if you have to go to court, negotiation takes place too. The purpose of negotiation here is using it to avoid trial. When people file lawsuits there’s an expectation that there will be some maneuvering and bargaining and eventually a settlement will occur rather than full blown court with trial. The typical pattern is to use the threat of trial to get people to bargain and stay out of court.
Mediation
Mediation is using a mediator – It’s using the help of a neutral third party to help the divorcing couple reach a separation agreement together. A mediator is the problem solver helping the couple arrive at an agreement by helping them communicate with each other– a good mediator will help the couple identify issues and explore choices that they hadn’t thought of on their own.
Another benefit is that for some couples mediation is more cost effective because they are splitting the cost of a mediator, rather than paying hours separately with their individual lawyers. Many lawyers and clients like it because it gives both sides more control over the final outcome, but it does require that you be willing to work together, there is honesty and full disclosure about the finances.
A mediator can be a lawyer or a mental health professional. Most lawyers prefer that when you are mediating financial matters that your mediator be a lawyer.
Collaborative family law
The concept is that the lawyers work strictly toward settlement. Clients and their lawyers sign a contract in which they agree not to go to court, and to provide full and complete financial disclosure. The purpose of collaborative law is to create an environment in which the separating couple feels safe, in which both parties feel that they are able to make informed decisions about their own destinies, and in which they can work constructively despite their fears, anger, and feelings of revenge.
The lawyers fulfill their traditional role of advising their own clients on how the law applies to their individual situations. But they also help their clients to reframe their thinking–to develop goals as opposed to taking positions, and to make good and ethical choices. If either client wishes to end the collaborative process and go to court, both lawyers and other members of their firms must remove themselves from the case.
Arbitration
Arbitration is much like litigation in that you go to court in a sense, but it is outside of a courtroom. It is a private process. The divorcing spouses together with their lawyers pick a decision maker, who is usually a retired judge or senior lawyer with family law experience.
What happens in arbitration is that the decision being debated between the couple is imposed by the arbitrator. Unlike mediation, no one helps the couple come to an agreement; the decision is made for them. And, usually, if you don’t like the decision, it can’t be appealed which means, you can’t argue it out again for the decision maker to change his or her mind.
Litigation
I’m not saving the best for last; this is last because litigation is usually the option of last resort. Going to court. It’s emotionally difficult and financially, very expensive.
Who remembers Perry Mason?– when you’re up on the stand and your lawyer is asking lots of questions and all of a sudden there is this aha moment by the judge and yes, it’s determined you are right and the other side is wrong and justice is served. It’s his word against hers and the battle starts from there. The lawyers try to poke holes in your persona showing that you are unfit. That’s why it is called the adversarial process. There is one winner, and one loser. It’s not a win – win situation. It’s a war and there are distinct sides.
Like arbitration, the decision is made by a third party. Unlike arbitration, you can’t pick your decision maker and the judge doesn’t always have family law experience. Another difference is that arbitration is private, going to court is public. Being public means that there is a public record of the dispute.
For a more comprehensive analysis of the dispute resolutions readThe Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers Counselors and Other Experts (available wherever books are sold)
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March 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Considering All the Divorce Options
Did you know that there are options to arriving at your separation agreement? Going into my divorce, I didn’t realize there were any options. Maybe I watched too much TV, but my perception was that everyone went to court and litigated–went to trial before a judge. I was completely wrong. I didn’t understand that litigation is not the preferred method of resolution. All lawyers would agree that in most situations, it is the method of last resort; it usually signals a breakdown in negotiations outside the courtroom. The other options besides litigation are called alternative dispute resolutions, or ADRs.
The best-practices thinking is that ADR ought to mean
“appropriate dispute resolution,”
of which litigation is one choice.
Understanding each ADR process is vitally important. Although no one should walk into a lawyer’s office and immediately say, “I want dispute resolution X”–lawyers evaluate which dispute resolution process to pursue based on the nature of the problems and issues–being aware of your choices can help you maintain control and contribute to making decisions with confidence.
Which option provides the best outcome?
All of these modalities can produce either a good outcome or a bad one. Mediation, arbitration, trial–nothing about them, alone, predicts either a good or bad outcome. All carry variables such as a good judge or a bad judge, a good mediator or a bad mediator, a good lawyer or a bad lawyer.
There are five ways to come up with your separation agreement without going to court. You should be well informed about these when considering the best way to arrive at your separation agreement. Why does this matter? It matters because it’s not always about going to court.
The truth is, there is no such thing as revenge in divorce, the only thing you will get are legal bills.
What are your choices and options?
- Do-it-yourself
- Negotiation
- Mediation
- Collaborative family law
- Arbitration
- Litigation
Which Option Is Right for You?
Even choosing which dispute resolution option to take can become a fight for a divorcing couple. Don’t invest yourself in particular outcomes. Your goal should be as reasonable a dissolution of your marriage as possible under the circumstances. You do not have–and you will not be able to get–complete control of the options or of how the other side acts within them.
A good lawyer will emphasize that it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to walk away having won completely. I’ve been told by many lawyers that they make most of their money from clients who are stubborn. But many lawyers also say that they would accept slightly lower fees for easier clients, even if they have to take on more clients to make up the difference.
Information about dispute resolutions and more is covered far more comprehensively in The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Available wherever books are sold, amazon.com, amazon.ca, barnesandnoble.com and many other webseller book sites.
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March 22, 2008 at 5:49 pm
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