Posts filed under ‘Deborah Moskovitch’
How to Get a Military Divorce
There are differences between a military divorce and a civilian divorce. Tune in to The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio, to learn about these differences
Our guest, Matt Hamel is a family law lawyer who understands military divorce. With legal skills forged in the crucible of the Military Justice System, Matt is an unyielding advocate for military wives, female service members and the children of military families.
Recognizing the lack of easily available information about military divorces and Virginia law, Matt joined forces with the Hofheimer/Ferrebee law firm to co-author an informative book about Virginia family law and it’s impact on military families. Equally important, the book discusses entitlements due military wives as a result of their marriage to military members.
Armed with knowledge as a former Navy JAG officer and motivated with an advocate’s passion to help women through the family crisis of divorce, Matt also wanted to honor female military spouses who often serve their nation in quiet desperation as their family life unravels. Thus, he not only co-authored this book, but he also joined the Hofheimer/Ferrebee firm in order to represent women exclusively in divorce and custody matters. Matt’s not just “talking the talk,” he’s “walking the walk.”
Topics in this program include:
- What makes a military divorce different from a civilian divorce
- Where should a military divorce occur
- How will deployment and new duty stations impact child custody arrangements
- Do I need to be married for 10-years to my military spouse to be able to get a portion of his retirement?
- What is the Survival Benefit Plan and is it worth it to elect this?
- Will my medical benefits cease upon my divorce (health benefits are free to military members and their dependents)? What about medical benefits for our children after the divorce?
- What is a 20/20/20 spouse and what is a 20/20/15 spouse?
- And, so much more!
The Joys of Being a Single Parent: A Dad’s Point of View
Our guest on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio, is Bruce Sallan who shares his story of becoming a first-time dad, to a son, four days after his 40th birthday, less than 9 months after getting married (they got pregnant on the honeymoon). His second son was born three years later. When Bruce’s sons were still quite young, he left his job as Vice President ABC Motion Pictures for Television to become a full-time dad and to care for his ailing parents, the classic “sandwich” situation.
Shortly thereafter, his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the state. He became a full-time single dad, in his late-forties. Hear Bruce share his lessons and musings on being a single dad.
Topics in this program include:
- Reactions from friends and acquaintances about being a single stay at home dad
- The inherent differences in the parenting styles of mothers and fathers
- How gender differences affecting parenting, friendships and dating
- A single dad’s view on custody and the children’s best interests
- Triumph over heartbreak; new ventures and lessons learned
- The real importance of being a single parent
How to be Smart About Divorce
I am both proud an honoured to be a guest on Family Matters with Justice Brownstone. This is by far one of my most informative and personal interviews; Justice Brownstone digs deep as I share my research and lessons learned so that anyone can have The Smart Divorce. He also delves into my own divorce journey, so that viewers are empowered with information and knowledge. Tune in tonight, October 4, at 10:30pm on CHCH TV.
If you are interested in learning more about The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit ,which Justice Brownstone speaks so highly of, please email info@thesmartdivorce.com for more information.
Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants
This program on The Smart Divorce radio show with Deborah Moskovitch features Elliott Katz, author of seven nonfiction books. Elliott teaches the principles he shares in his book: Being a Strong Man a Woman Wants
After the end of a relationship, Elliott sought to learn about being a man in a relationship. He found books on marriage and relationships said little to him. He found powerful timeless insights in the lessons that fathers and other older male role models taught younger men. People started seeking his advice and would say, “Why didn’t someone tell me this before?”
Moving beyond the trendy ideas about a man’s role – that just don’t seem to work – Elliott shares insights on being a man that have withstood the test of time. Interestingly, these insights are the traits that he heard many women complain were lacking in men today – showing leadership, making decisions and taking responsibility.
Topics in this program include:
- Why are women so frustrated with today’s men?
- How does growing up without strong male role models affect men today?
- The lack of “quality” men is a common complaint from women today. What happened to today’s men?
- Does today’s strong woman today want a strong man?
- What are the traits of a strong man?
Tune in and listen to what Elliott has to share
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/being-the-strong-man-a-woman-wants/
What September means for divorce
Deborah Moskovitch offers helpful tips for assisting your children through divorce while starting the new school year.
Hello September, so long spouse
ZOSIA BIELSKI
From Friday’s Globe and Mail
September is the cruellest month for students, but not for divorce lawyers, as the dusky end of summer brings a swell of clients to their offices each year.
“Fall is back to business time,” said Julia Cornish, senior family lawyer of Sealy Cornish Coulthard. The Halifax firm sees two spikes a year – September and January, New Year’s resolution time.
“Because we all spent so many years in school, it’s a point in our lives when we’ve been conditioned that this is when we do something new,” Ms. Cornish said.
Her office sees double and sometimes triple the normal number of calls in September. These are from new clients, as well as those who had initiated the separation process in spring but let it languish over the summer months.
“People want to get moving,” said Greg Walen, family lawyer with Scharfstein Gibbings Walen Fisher in Saskatoon.
“They’re back to work, they’re back from summer holidays and they’re back in town from the lake.”
According to Statistics Canada, the country saw 70,226 divorces in 2008, a number that’s held fairly steady since 2001. While there’s no official exit poll in September, Canadian divorce lawyers seem to agree: the calls come thick and fast this month.
Dinyar Marzban, senior family lawyer with Jenkins Marzban Logan in Vancouver, said empty nests motivate the September divorce spike.
“Fall comes around and children go to school. The category of people who rightly or wrongly hung in there for the children, maybe the last one’s gone away to university in September. There’s a fair amount of that, people waiting till the last kid’s out of the house.”
He points out that this brand of waiting game is usually reserved for couples who experience a “general dissatisfaction” in their marriages, not the cutthroat betrayals that prompt high conflict, low patience splits.
Many couples will have stewed for months or years before making the September phone call: “I don’t think people’s marriages break down then. It’s just that they start phoning lawyers then,” Mr. Marzban said.
For people waiting it out through a summer of family-filled days, “the dialogue they have with themselves is, ‘Can I hang in, should I hang in?’ ” Ms. Cornish said.
“It’s the same thing as trying to get through Christmas: Let’s get through this. Unless something catastrophic happens, nobody decides on Christmas Eve, ‘Some time today I need to go see a divorce lawyer.’ What they say is, ‘I’m thinking this probably can’t go on much longer. I’m going to get through Christmas and then come January, it’s time to make a change.’ ”
Of course, there are regional differences. Wendy Best, family lawyer with Dunphy Best Blocksom in Calgary, says that while city lawyers do see a jump in September, the real surge comes after July’s Stampede.
“We think it’s because everyone’s out Stampeding having a grand old time drinking non-stop starting at 7 in the morning. There’s all these stupid, ridiculous sayings like, ‘It ain’t cheating, it’s Stampeding.’ And the other person’s going, ‘Thanks, I’m done with you.’ ”
Stampede aside, several factors make summer an unpopular time for initiating a divorce.
“It’s not a lot of fun spending a beautiful summer day in your lawyer’s office,” Ms. Cornish points out.
Mr. Marzban sees it as seasonal lethargy: “People tend not to do anything in the summer. Summer, everybody powers down a bit.”
Another more tangible reason would be that all-inclusive getaway you splurged on together.
“Do you want to spring that on your partner before you go on the two-week holiday you’ve planned and saved for?” Ms. Cornish posits.
She adds that for those itching to split, summer also offers little in the way of momentum.
“It’s frustrating if you are trying to get things done, only to hear that your spouse is on vacation for the next two weeks, and then their lawyer’s on vacation for the next couple of weeks and then your lawyer’s on vacation. Typically courts have a much quieter schedule in the summer as well.”
At the same time, Ms. Cornish suggests summer can be the only time left in the year for reflection, a pause that can then spark the September phone call.
“It’s an opportunity to step back from the daily grind, figure out what’s working and what’s not in your life.”
How to help kids cope
The Smart Divorce author Deborah Moskovitch offers some basic back-to-school help for parents who have decided to separate in September.
Get thee to the principal’s office
To avoid awkward moments between your child and a teacher unaware of the new family dynamics, try to eke out a moment with a principal or vice-principal, who can relay the news. “They know how to handle it with their teachers,” said Ms. Moskovitch, adding that this is crucial if pick-ups are being handled by a parent unfamiliar to staff. “Parents often change the guard at school, rather than going to the other parent’s home to pick up the children. This way, the teachers are aware of what’s happening if they see another parent they’re not used to seeing.”
Get on the school list
If you weren’t the parent manning the school e-mail list, get your own account now, Ms. Moskovitch said. “Make sure that you get report cards mailed to you – register your second address. If there are field trips, you can put your name on the list to be one of the parenting guides. It shows the kids that you care and want to be involved.”
Homework for all
Moving out doesn’t exempt a parent from helping the kids with their homework, especially if they’re particularly strong in a subject. “If you were married, the kids would come home from school, have snacks and maybe some playtime and then they would do their homework.” Recreate that discipline at your place.
Pass notes
“A lot of parents use a journal that goes into the kids’ backpack as a tool to communicate with each other. It goes back and forth and they send notes about doctors’ appointments and assignments at school,” Ms. Moskovitch said.
Be flexible with visits
Between mountains of homework and extracurricular events, your children’s dance cards will fill up fast. Wednesday night pizza may not always be an option; try a lunch on the weekend or during the week if the school allows children leaving the grounds. “The parent can’t take it as a negative if the kids are busy with their friends doing school projects or hockey. They have to be creative in how they spend time with their kids, whether that’s driving [them] to the activities or having a quick dinner.”
Have the talk – most parents don’t
Ms. Moskovitch urges parents to speak with their children about the separation and anticipate their questions: Where they will live and go to school? “You need to give them a sense of security. If they’re already going to start the school year with a heavy heart because they don’t know what’s going on, at least you can try to minimize the confusion by having that conversation.”
To read this article in The Globe and Mail, and other articles by Zosia Bielski click on the link below:
Smart tips for helping your children as they head back to school
It’s tough enough for kids to go back to school, and it’s even harder for the children of parents who are separated or divorcing. Kids may worry that their lives will change dramatically or that they will be forced to move away. Toss in the butterflies that come with a new school year, and your child may be more stressed than you realize.
Here are 5 key things parents can do make the transition back to school easier, when everything else about the family is in transition:
Talk to your child about what he/ she is feeling.Divorce can affect a child’s behavior, well-being and even academic achievement. Look for signs of depression, withdrawal, or behavior and other issues. And, be sure to talk to your child about what they’re feeling. There are resources available if you or your child need professional help (Catholic Services, Jewish Family & Child Services, Parents without Partners, Rainbows, Up to Parents, a therapist for you or your child).. Help your children overcome these symptoms, and get them the help they need.
Reassure your child you love him/her. . It is natural for a child to worry if he/she is loved or if he/she was somehow to blame for the divorce. Ensure your child knows he/she is not to blame–and that he/she is very loved.
Make time to answer his/her questions. Your child may have a ton of questions that he/she is dying to know. Set aside time for those questions, perhaps during or following your child’s favourite activity. You can always start the ball rolling if they are quiet: “If I were you, I’d want to know where I will be living….”
Try and maintain a normal after-school schedule. Just because your child’s home life is different doesn’t mean his school life has to be. Ensure he is participating in the activities he wants to, over worries about cutting into “mom’s time” or “dad’s time.” The goal is to put your child’s best interest first.
To read the rest of this article which appeared in The Huffington Post, click on the link:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/yeading-back-to-school-pu_b_929858.html
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