Posts filed under 'Deborah Moskovitch'
When women are better off divorced
Divorce is rich in opportunity to learn and grow from. While it may be an ending to your marriage, it can be a new beginning to a fulfilling life.
An article appeared in the Toronto Sun talking about how some celebrities have shown strength during the divorce process, and have moved on valiantly.
I offer some tips in that article how to get your groove back, and move on to a better life post-divorce.
“Showing the world your happy face won’t only keep
the less sympathetic tabloids at bay, it could actually
change your whole perspective.”
Click on the link to view the full article.
http://www.torontosun.com/life/2010/08/27/15159681.html#/life/2010/08/27/pf-15159681.html
Add comment August 30, 2010
An interview with Justice Harvey Brownstone
I was recently interviewed by the best selling author and sitting court judge, Justice Harvey Brownstone, on his show Family Matters.
People often ask me how I was able to move one despite the conflict I experienced throughout the divorce process. I share tips and strategies about how to have The Smart Divorce, the trying times I experienced in the litigation process and much more.
Tune into Family Matters to listen to the full interview.
Add comment August 28, 2010
Out of the closet: support for the straight spouse
Just because your spouse came out of the closet,
doesn’t mean you have to go in.
I have had several individuals in my divorce consulting practice tell me that their spouse declared they were gay. They felt alone – but this is not a rare event. While Canadian figures are not available, conservative estimates indicate that roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex. When these partners come out of the closet, one third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work – although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact.
Please click on the click to read more and a reality check:
I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great tips that apply to both men and women. I’ve written many articles for this site. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life
Getting through these issues and feelings, and effectively coping can take anywhere from 3 – 6 years to properly heal. Statistics indicate that it takes one year of healing for every five years of marriage. And, once this process takes place, for many, there is a realization that their partner really did marry them out of love, and not to hide in a closet — they fully intended to make it work. So, while these couples cannot be lovers, perhaps they can still be good friends.
Add comment August 22, 2010
Why I neded to write about my divorce
People often ask my why I wrote the book, The Smart Divorce, http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Divorce-Strategies-Financial-Counselors/dp/1556526725/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279896174&sr=8-1
I learned so much about divorce, that I wanted to help others through their divorce. But, my experience wasn’t enough. I researched divorce extensively speaking with over 100 foremost experts – lawyers, therapists, financial experts and others — across North America.
For more detail, read the article in the Globe & Mail Why I needed to write about my divorce
While divorce is an ending, it is a new beginning – to a
life that can be rich and rewarding.
Add comment July 23, 2010
Divorce myths debunked
Are children of divorce really doomed? Does communication get better?
There are many myths and misconceptions about the outcome of divorce will be postdivorce. People often have incorrect visions about how their life is going to unfold – with their former partner, their children, dating, and the all too common thought “the grass is greener on the other side.”
Please click on the link for a reality check:
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/divorce-myths-debunked/a/30888/2
I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca
People need to process what the separation means to them on an emotional level; to consider the marriage/relationship in terms of what was good, what was not so good, and how they may have contributed; and, who they are and want to become, as individuals, separate from the relationship. It does one good to become conscious of lessons learned from the old relationship, or else risk a replay of the dynamics in subsequent relationships.
Add comment July 22, 2010
How do you get a smart divorce?
Learn more about being smart about divorce with Deborah
Hear Deborah talk about The Smart Divorce
I was interviewed about The Smart Divorce and dealing with the many issues surrounding divorce with host Christine Williams of On The Line
Click on the link to watch the interview which aired on April 19, 2010.
You’ll hear a lot of information about getting through divorce, some personal stories, and guidance about the divorce process.
http://ctstv.com/ontario/player.php?ctsvidID=17595&show=On%20The%20Line
ON THE LINE with Christine Williams has been recipient of six prestigious international awards. The program features current affairs issues and in-depth discussions about a range of topics with authors, experts and advocates.
Add comment April 20, 2010
Remarriage: Avoid the blended family breakdown
Before you say your vows for the second time, get expert tips
for blending your families
Did you know that the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage? The divorce rate rises over 60% with a 2nd marriage and skyrockets to over 70% with a third time marriage. One of the contributing factors to the lack of a successful partnership is avoiding the discussion about merging two families together.
Please click on the click to read more about tips and strategies as to how to connect two new families. http://www.more.ca/relationships/family-and-friends/remarriage-avoid-the-blended-family-breakdown/a/29507
I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca
But the bottom line is what ever you call it—a step family, blended family, combined family—it’s a newly reconfigured family unit. It takes time to bring this new family together, and it takes effort—just remember to resolve conflict, demonstrate love and find the fun.
Add comment March 8, 2010
The Smart Split
The Smart Split
Successful divorce doesn’t have to be an oxymoron
I will be in Calgary this week, speaking with a panel of experts about divorce. The seminar is entitled Taking Charge of your Separation/Divorce. Lisa Kadane of the Calgary Herald interviewed the panel, which I’ve copied below. Please note the helpful tips.
By Lisa Kadane, Calgary Herald February 22, 2010
Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce takes place Thursday at Deer Park United Church (777 Deer Point Rd. S.E.) from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Pre-register for the $30 seminar at 403-205-5244. Or pay $40 at the door.
—
Divorce is everywhere. It screams at us from tabloid headlines at the grocery store checkout. It touches us personally when, as adults, our parents finally call it quits, or our own starter marriage fizzles.
It’s also universally ugly. Between custody battles, money squabbles and bitterness, divorce usually leaves one party on the short end of the fair stick.
And divorce is always heartbreaking — the final chapter in a book we never wanted to read in the first place.
So, to talk about having a “successful divorce” sounds unrealistic: a pie-in-the-sky idea plucked from some smarmy self-help book.
It’s not, says Deborah Moskovitch, who weathered a seven-year divorce and went on to write The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.
“Being smart about divorce really means moving forward with hope and confidence.”
Moskovitch will be in town Thursday as part of a seminar to help divorcing couples understand the resources available to help them through separation and divorce. Hiring a good attorney is a no-brainer, but head’s up: getting your legal house in order is only part of it.
“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she says.
“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate how powerful it is; how powerful those emotions are.”
Estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 39 per cent of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary.
The percentage is higher in the United States — at 44 per cent — but still short of the “half of all marriages end in divorce” stat that gets bandied about.
Still, it means more than one-third of married Canadian couples will eventually go their separate ways. Since that’s reality, those starting down the rocky road to divorce should become informed about this life-altering event before emotions take over.
The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, to gather tips for a successful divorce.
lkadane@theherald.canwest.com
———
Smart Tips
- Sandy Shuler is a Calgary based family and life educator whose workshop Effective Coparenting teaches separating parents to put the kids first and understand their needs during separation and divorce.
“Often what happens is, in the process, (parents) are remiss in understanding what the experience is like for kids.”
Four tips:
1. Parents need to love their children more than they dislike their parenting partner. Put aside differences for the kids’ sake.
2. Shield children as best you can from parental conflict. No fighting or name-calling in front of the kids.
3. Give children permission to love and connect with both parents and extended family (unless there is abuse happening).
4. Understand that children will experience loss and grief, too, and that their feelings will be different from your own.
- Sharon Numerow is a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) based in Calgary. She worries that people in the midst of divorce make emotional decisions instead of educated ones, and she counsels men and women about splitting up property in their best interests.
“Educate yourself and be prepared. People spend more time researching a car,” says Numerow.
“A 50-50 property split is not always equal, so understand the decisions you’re going to make.”
Four tips:
1. Seek out professional, expert support in every area. Finding a therapist or tax consultant is just as important as hiring a good divorce attorney.
2. Money is always an issue, even when both parties claim it isn’t.
3. When it comes to splitting up investments, understand the scope of them — the risks, outlook, tax implications, costs or fees involved — and make an informed decision.
“It’s a lot of work,” Numerow admits. “I would say it’s really overwhelming for people.”
4. Women need to get on the ball with their financial situation.
“In my experience, way more women have a lack of understanding of, not just finances in divorce, but finances in general.”
- Toronto-based Deborah Moskovitch talked to more than 100 divorce experts when researching her book The Smart Divorce. She recommends people put together a team of professionals to help them navigate the split.
“I noticed so many people were bitter and angry after divorce,” says Moskovitch.
“I realized people are really unprepared for the divorce process.”
Four tips:
1. Realize that many of your divorce beefs are outside of the legal arena. For example, the law does not care if you don’t like your soon-to-beex’s parenting style. So don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money) by ranting about it.
2. A good divorce lawyer is gold, but he or she can’t give you parenting or financial advice.
“Bringing in the right people can save you money,” says Moskovitch. A parenting education class and even a therapist cost less per hour than a lawyer.
3. Try to keep your emotions outside of the process. When emotions take over, you end up with massive legal bills.
4. Work on rebuilding your post-divorce outlook. You will get through divorce and get on with your life.
© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald
To read this article in the Calgary Herald click on the link:
3 comments February 22, 2010
Taking Charge of Your Separation/Divorce
Taking Charge of Your
Separation/Divorce
impact – options – opportunities
Space is still available in a very unique seminar on separation /divorce. This is a “one stop” information panel of experts for individual, families and experts; featuring presenters:
Deborah Moskovitch, Author, Speaker, Divorce Consultant:
“The Smart Divorce”
“A Team Approach To Managing The Issues of Divorce”
Wendy Best, Q.C.: Senior Partner, Dunphy, Best, Blocksom, LLP
“Consideration Of The Legal Issues”
Sharon Numerow, CDFA™, Tax Consultant: Alberta Divorce Finances Ltd.
“Why a 50/50 Property Split is not Always Equal – 7 secrets to a successful divorce”
Sandy Shuler, Social Worker, Certified Family Educator: Family Life Works Inc.
“Effective Co-Parenting: Putting Kids First”
EDUCATION▪▪STRATEGIES▪▪RESOURCES▪▪BOOK DISPLAY
SPONSORED BY: Calgary Family Services & Deer Park United Church
SUPPORTED BY: Dunphy, Best, Blocksom LLP
This seminar is appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. You will learn strategies for a smart divorce, understanding your legal options, financial considerations, and putting your children’s best interest first. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money.
Click on the link below for more information
Calgary – TakingChargeofYourSeparationDivorce2
Program details:
When: February 25, 2010
Location: Deer Park United Church – 777 Deer Point Rd. SE, Calgary Alberta
Time: 7 – 9:30 P.M.
To register, or for more information contact: Calgary Family Services at 403 204 5244
1 comment January 25, 2010
