Posts filed under ‘children’
Moving from Our Home to My Home
New on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio
Moving into a new residence upon separation or divorce can be difficult. Hear Deborah’s interview with interior decorator, Deirdre Dyment about how she works with her decor clients during this transition.
Deirdre Dyment is an interior designer who believes in designing an overall experience at home that leaves you spiritually energized and equipped to live your life passionately. Deirdre knows all too well, there’s much more involved in leaving the matrimonial home than packing a suitcase and signing a lease. When she separated from her husband in 2007, she, unusually, helped him get set up in his new place, from stripping the floors and painting the walls to measuring and ordering furniture. They also got their two kids involved in creating their bedrooms.
The experience has since motivated Dyment to launch a novel service – post-divorce decorating – that assists in feathering the nests of newly single men in particular, whether it’s coordinating their renovations or sourcing and installing art to enliven their empty walls.
Topics in this program include:
• What are the different things can be done to make transition easier and less disruptive for children
• The emotional strain of leaving the family home; where to live, how much to spend and do you rent or purchase
• Creating an environment that will inspire and get the individual that has moved excited about the next chapter of their life
• Creating a space that reflects your personality and happiness
To listen to this interview and learn your own design ideas click on the link below
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/moving-from-our-home-to-my-home/
Estranged or Abandoned by a Parent: Are Children Scarred for Life?
I am working on a book currently entitled: “Children and Divorce: The Effects of Abandonment and Estrangement: Understanding the Consequences, The Importance of Healing, And a Chance to Reconnect.” While doing my research, I have spoken with many adult children who have shared their stories on how this loss has affected their lives. I’m often saddened by these stories, but in awe as to how many of these adult children have risen above their loss to develop an emotionally healthy outlook on life.
That’s why I was compelled to watch psychotherapist, Gary Neuman, who appeared on one of Oprah’s last shows. He interviewed two young children, a brother and sister, who were abandoned by their mother when she divorced her husband — their father. The children were crying, and yet were remarkably articulate in their description of their thoughts and feelings regarding their mother’s abandonment of them due to divorce.
Click on the link to read the full article
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/oprahs-most-memorable-gue_1_b_869497.html
Getting through divorce while saving time, money – and your sanity.
Introducing The Smart® Divorce Resource Toolkit
The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is now available, order yours today– one easy phone call or email, to get this valuable resource. It’s one of the most comprehensive programs providing a full overview of the divorce process — and endorsed by judges, lawyers, and mental health professionals. The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit will help you make smart decisions for you and your family – taking you through the entire divorce process, removing the mystery and misconceptions about the outcomes of divorce, how to cut down on your legal bills and so much more.
This comprehensive resource provides an understanding of all aspects of the divorce process; helping you understand the two sides to your divorce – the “emotional divorce” and the “legal divorce”
Move through your divorce with focus, hope and confidence.
The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit makes the divorce process easy to understand, helping you to be strategic while making sound, smart decisions. After all, information is knowledge and knowledge is power.
Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.
Included in The Smart Divorce Toolkit are tips, strategies and ideas, packaged as never seen before. This smart toolkit comes with:
The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit is designed specifically to meet your needs — to help reduce stress, educate and inform you about the divorce process in a cost effective, easy to understand way. Guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process are included. And, it’s put together in one smart package, making it uncomplicated, and effortless to understand.
The Tool Kit contains 4 CDs covering the myriad of issues, concerns and questions most people have about divorce – removing the mystery, complexity, and confusion about divorce. Also included are Smart Guides which add another layer of detail to The Smart Divorce Audios, and provide a step by step plan for going through the divorce process.
The Smart Divorce Audios.
These unique and informative CDs provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence.
- Audio 1 – The Emotional Divorce
- Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
- Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
- Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce
Smart Guides.
Tip sheets that support the information in the audios providing detail and understanding of the specific topic.
Smart Guides:
- Planning for a Smart Divorce
- Getting Your Finances Organized for Divorce
- Coping with the Stress of the Emotional Divorce
- Coping with Stress in a High Stress Environment
- Understanding Your Divorce Options
- Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer
- Smart Co-Parenting
- Living Separate and Apart
- Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds
- Divorce Financial Check List
- Understanding Marital Property Laws
- Important Financial Steps Required to Prepare for Divorce
Don’t delay, order your kit today
Call 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com to get your copy of The Smart Divorce Resource Toolkit.
Finding your Authentic Self, Happiness and Moving On
A new show from The Smart Divorce has just been posted. Tune in to hear our guest Hanna McDonough.
Our guest, Hanna McDonough, is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Psychotherapist (www.hannatherapy.com). Ms. McDonough shares her wisdom on finding the best in yourself, and delves into relationships and what’s important – is it sex, money? And, what are the differences between men and women and they way each values a relationship. We explore the gamut in topics and – learn about living your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Topics in this program include:
- The value of a therapist: how to find a good therapist, when to stay and when to go
- Understanding a verbally abusive relationship
- Exploring transformative therapy
- How to keep your marriage HOT
- Putting children first
To listen to the podcast, click on the link
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/finding-your-authentic-self-happiness-and-moving-on/
What’s family day really about?
Given that today is family day in Ontario, it has given me time to stop and ponder. Although I’ve had to work all day, being surrounded by my children is something I will always be thankful for.
The legal community and researches often define divorce matters in technical terms…….custodial parent, custody, access, primary residence, but the term that irks me most is “broken home”. I understand the legal rationale behind referring to certain terms, but when it comes to defining a family run by a single parent as broken, I wonder — where is the break? Perhaps I’m sensitive, but I don’t consider my children to be growing up in a “broken home.” When I talk to my children, we call ourselves a family because that’s what we are.
Families. Single parent households, blended families, same-sex families, cohabitating families…….there are, I know, many other reconfigurations that I haven’t even mentioned. When you’re divorced and single suddenly the words family day take on new meaning.
What if you’re divorced with no children, and perhaps no extended family in your life to share the day – does that mean you can’t celebrate? I suggest, reach out to your friends who have become your extended family. Let them know how special they are to you. Think about what family means to you and start building important bonds and relationships that you hope can be long lasting.
If you have become estranged or alienated from your family and children use this time to reflect and try to understand what went wrong. Perhaps this can be the day when you start mending those broken relationships. The ending of a relationship between a parent and a child is probably one of the most painful experiences to ever happen.
I recently interviewed Jill Egizzi on my new radio show The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio. Tune in to hear the Jill’s painful experience of becoming a targeted parent and losing the relationship with her children.
Click here to listen to the interview http://tinyurl.com/Jill-Egizzi
What do you do to overcome these devastating scenarios of parent alienation? Dr. Robert A. Simon, a clinical and forensic psychologist in California suggests:
“Parental Alienation Syndrome, though a very real phenomenon, is something that I believe has become rather “trendy” these days. One of the things I’ve come to understand about PAS is that even when a parent deliberately sets out to alienate the children from the other parent that the other parent often behaves in ways so as to “confirm” the alienation. In terms of re-establishing a relationship with your children, it is vital that you look carefully at yourself and at what you are doing or have done that may play into the hands of the children’s other parent.. Otherwise, no matter what the courts do, the children will still struggle in their relationship with you”.
I also suggest that you work with a parenting expert, psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker to help understand the dynamics and guide you to put the relationship right. If you are dealing with a painful experience and having a difficult time rebuilding the relationship, you should still try to work with one of these professionals because you are most likely dealing with your own emotional turmoil that needs healing.
One a separate note, if you are having martial difficulties and considering divorce, tune into hear Dr. Simon speak about marriage counseling and considerations. http://tinyurl.com/Dr-Robert-Simon
I would also like to refer you to the links at the side of this blog, there are some helpful sites to research these topics as well.
What I hope that you will take away from reading this post is how important it is for children to have a healthy relationship with both parents. Of course, if one parent is abusive either physically or emotionally, that is not what I am referring to. I am talking about a loving, healthy relationship where children are not used as pawns and both parents take their responsibilities seriously meaning emotional, financial and ensure their basic needs met.
If you are contributing to the breakdown of the relationship or your child’s other parent is, please reflect and consider the long term effects on your child and help to start rebuilding those relationships today.
If you are as fortunate as I am to have a healthy relationship with your children, then give them an extra hug today and tell them how much you love them.
Family day, parent child relationships and the meaning of family I’m sure for many is a hot topic. I urge you to share your thoughts. What are you doing to encourage a good relationship, overcome a painful relationship, or living with a strained relationship…….I would love to hear from you, please share your thoughts.
How your parents’ divorce might be setting the stage for your own
Midlife divorce: Blame it on your parents?
Can your parents divorce be the cause of your own divorce?
Shannon*, a 48 year old client of mine, recently explained her “aha” moment when discussing the issues behind her impending divorce. She married her husband because he “completed” her – masking low self-esteem and feelings of not being worthy of love.
It wasn’t until after therapy and introspection that she realized she had fallen into a relationship trap: Trying to fill a void of lost love left by her parents’ divorce, and the loss of a relationship with her mother, when she was just 5.
While the lack of a relationship with a parent can have a significant impact on romantic relationships for a child later in life, there is a debate amongst researchers on this topic. Some say, these individuals are affected for life. Others feel that with work, an individual can learn to come to terms with it, heal and develop rich and successful romantic partnerships.
To read the rest of the article, and learn some helpful and strategies for healing and acceptance, click on the link
http://www.more.ca/relationships/midlife-divorce-blame-it-on-your-parents/a/33856
How do you get a smart divorce?
Learn more about being smart about divorce with Deborah
Hear Deborah talk about The Smart Divorce
I was interviewed about The Smart Divorce and dealing with the many issues surrounding divorce with host Christine Williams of On The Line
Click on the link to watch the interview which aired on April 19, 2010.
You’ll hear a lot of information about getting through divorce, some personal stories, and guidance about the divorce process.
http://ctstv.com/ontario/player.php?ctsvidID=17595&show=On%20The%20Line
ON THE LINE with Christine Williams has been recipient of six prestigious international awards. The program features current affairs issues and in-depth discussions about a range of topics with authors, experts and advocates.
Remarriage: Avoid the blended family breakdown
Before you say your vows for the second time, get expert tips
for blending your families
Did you know that the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage? The divorce rate rises over 60% with a 2nd marriage and skyrockets to over 70% with a third time marriage. One of the contributing factors to the lack of a successful partnership is avoiding the discussion about merging two families together.
Please click on the click to read more about tips and strategies as to how to connect two new families. http://www.more.ca/relationships/family-and-friends/remarriage-avoid-the-blended-family-breakdown/a/29507
I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40. Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great tips that apply to both men and women. If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca
But the bottom line is what ever you call it—a step family, blended family, combined family—it’s a newly reconfigured family unit. It takes time to bring this new family together, and it takes effort—just remember to resolve conflict, demonstrate love and find the fun.
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