Posts filed under 'blended families'

Remarriage: Avoid the blended family breakdown

Before you say your vows for the second time, get expert tips

for blending your families

Did you know that the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage?  The divorce rate rises over 60% with a 2nd marriage and skyrockets to over 70% with a third time marriage.  One of the contributing factors to the lack of a successful partnership is avoiding the discussion about merging two families together.

Please click on the click to read more about tips and strategies as to how to connect two new families. http://www.more.ca/relationships/family-and-friends/remarriage-avoid-the-blended-family-breakdown/a/29507

I wrote this article for More magazine’s online edition. More magazine is a publication which celebrates women over 40.  Men should also feel comfortable reading this article as it offers great tips that apply to both men and women.  If you would like to browse through this magazine click on the following link: www.more.ca

But the bottom line is what ever you call it—a step family, blended family, combined family—it’s a newly reconfigured family unit. It takes time to bring this new family together, and it takes effort—just remember to resolve conflict, demonstrate love and find the fun.

Add comment March 8, 2010

Mapping out a prenup

Many people think a prenuptial agreement is for the rich and famous.  However, there are many issues that the average person needs to consider and discuss with their new partner.  It’s an excellent opportunity to understand his/her financial perspectives and expectations before you get married.  Many people are afraid to have this important conversation as they fear it might ruin the relationship.  But, if you can’t talk about the important things and expect that things will just “work itself out” when married, it doesn’t always happen that way.  Don’t you want an understanding of how each other thinks, and ensure you are on the same page?

  1. Think of it as marriage/divorce insurance.  You want the marriage to work, but if it doesn’t you’ve protected yourself.
  2. The blended family dilemma.  You want your children to support your new marriage; however you want them to feel protected as well.
  3. What if you die? Without sounding morbid, it is a consideration……how you want your assets to be divided between your new partner and your children.

There are many other obvious considerations. A recent article in Canadian Business answers this very important question:

I’m about to get married for the second time. How do I ensure that my children and my new wife won’t ever have to duke it out over my estate after I’m gone?

Mapping out a prenup – Canadian Business Magazine

1 comment October 30, 2009

My home is run down, but it’s not broken…….

My home is run down, but

it’s not broken…

The cabinet door in my kitchen has fallen off the hinge, the hot water tank just burst, the fridge door won’t close properly and I need a new roof. But while my home is in need of physical repair, it certainly does not need emotional repair.

I wrote about this in my book, The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts

You wouldn’t believe how many people it resonated with.

I’m divorced, but I don’t have a

“broken home”

Perhaps I’m sensitive, but I don’t consider my children to be growing up in a “broken home.” When I talk to my children, we call ourselves a family because that’s what we are.

We do not compare ourselves to more “traditional” families with two parents living at home. Divorce may change a family’s structure, but we’re still a family. All families ­­– so-called “traditional” families and the rest of us – all have challenges, no matter how our living arrangements are configured.

Make life work for your kids

As a parent, your challenge is to make life work for your kids. Ensure they don’t view themselves as disadvantaged or as “children of divorce.” They’re regular children.

When I glimpse into families with two parents living at home, my home often appears to be working wonderfully well.

I may be a bit more frazzled than someone in a home with two parents living there – but that’s because of the practical everyday exigencies of life with three active children. (And who really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Just because there are two parents, does that always mean both parents share all the responsibilities? Don’t compare!)

There’s no one to share the driving with

I often have to be in two places at the same time. I run a business, but I still have to manage my personal affairs – on my own. So while I might be a bit more stressed (Did I mention I’m an A type personality?) my children are growing up in a healthy and loving environment.

I have house rules, set curfews (although I have been a bit lax at times), my children must get their homework done, and I’m always there to kiss them goodnight and listen to their worries.

Think about a few things…

What about blended families? Does blending suddenly unbreak “broken homes”?

What about the blended families where the culture is more like oil and water?

How about a family where both parents are living together but constantly fighting?

Or a family where both parents live together but one parent is never at home? Always working, always away on weekends and never around for the kids.

Constance Ahrons ,author of the highly praised books, We’re Still Family and The Good Divorce calls a single parent household a binuclear family –– a much healthier way to view a single parent household.

So, what do we call ourselves – FAMILY. A wonderful, supportive family, that is who we are.

Add comment February 18, 2008


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