Hear Deborah talk about The Smart Divorce

I was interviewed about The Smart Divorce and dealing with the many issues surrounding divorce with host Christine Williams of On The Line

Click on the link to watch the interview which aired on April 19, 2010.

You’ll hear a lot of information about getting through divorce, some personal stories, and guidance about the divorce process.

http://ctstv.com/ontario/player.php?ctsvidID=17595&show=On%20The%20Line

ON THE LINE with Christine Williams has been recipient of six prestigious international awards.  The program features current affairs issues and in-depth discussions about a range of topics with authors, experts and advocates.

Separation/Divorce

impact – options – opportunities

Space is still available in a very unique seminar on separation /divorce.  This is a “one stop” information panel of experts for individual, families and experts; featuring presenters:

Deborah Moskovitch, Author, Speaker, Divorce Consultant:

“The Smart Divorce”

“A Team Approach To Managing The Issues of Divorce”

Wendy Best, Q.C.: Senior Partner, Dunphy, Best, Blocksom, LLP

“Consideration Of The Legal Issues”

Sharon Numerow, CDFA™, Tax Consultant: Alberta Divorce Finances Ltd.

“Why a 50/50 Property Split is not Always Equal – 7 secrets to a successful divorce”

Sandy Shuler, Social Worker, Certified Family Educator: Family Life Works Inc.

“Effective Co-Parenting:  Putting Kids First”

EDUCATION▪▪STRATEGIES▪▪RESOURCES▪▪BOOK DISPLAY

SPONSORED BY:  Calgary Family Services & Deer Park United Church

SUPPORTED BY:  Dunphy, Best, Blocksom LLP

This seminar is appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. You will learn strategies for a smart divorce, understanding your legal options, financial considerations, and putting your children’s best interest first.  Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money.

Click on the link below for more information

Calgary – TakingChargeofYourSeparationDivorce2

Program details:

When: February 25, 2010

Location: Deer Park United Church – 777 Deer Point Rd. SE, Calgary Alberta

Time: 7 – 9:30 P.M.

To register, or for more information contact:  Calgary Family Services at 403 204 5244

There was a 5 part series in the Toronto Star, investigating some of the issues people are confronted with when dealing with the legal system.  What ever the issues, the bottom line is, there are problems, and that requires reforming the system.

I’ve attached links to the articles which may be of interest to you, my readers.  While you might not agree with everything in these articles, it certainly will make you pause and think………the reality is, divorce is a life changing event, and we need to view this as a process, not a crisis.  And, as I heard a lawyer so wisely say:

Divorce is a problem to be solved,

not a war to be won.

Here are the links to the articles:

Divorced dads can’t catch a break  http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/704075–divorced-dads-can-t-catch-a-break

The good divorce http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705130–the-good-divorce

Kids hard hit in nasty divorces http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705251–kids-hard-hit-in-nasty-divorces

Grandparents go to court for access to grandkids

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/705808–grandparents-go-to-court-for-access-to-grandkids

Where separation occurs without anxiety http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/newsfeatures/article/706400–where-separation-occurs-without-anxiety

Of course, I always like to have the last word and comment.  My published letter to the editor, in response to the article entitled “Divorced dads can’t catch a break”, is below.

What’s the delay on shared custody?

Re: Breaking up: Family courts in crisis, Series

There are gaps in the legal system, leading to both fathers and mothers feeling that they are being treated unfairly. But, the real victims are the children who are losing out on a loving relationship with both parents, because of their parents’ conflict – who are too consumed with fighting each other, ignoring what’s in their children’s best interest.

Parents need to work together for the sake of the children, not against each other for vengeance, control and destruction of their ex partner.

Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce Consultant, Author, “The Smart Divorce”

The Smart Divorce® Workshop Series

These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients.

I have added two new workshops to the series called – Taking Control of Your Finances – with guest speakers Atsuko Hiroaka and Aaron Nimon, both Investment Advisors of BMO Nesbit Burns. The focus of these sessions is to help manage and effectively deal with your financial concerns; how to overcome your fears and understand the financial considerations as you work through the divorce process and postdivorce concerns.

Click on the link for more information: the-smart-divorce-workshop-f09-2-finr1

Program details:

The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 4, 2009

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 11, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Aaron Nimon of BMO Nesbit Burns

The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – February 18, 2009 2008

The Smart Divorce: Taking Control of Your Finances – February 25, 2009

with Guest Speaker, Investment Advisor – Atsuko Hiroaka of BMO Nesbit Burns

“Your seminar game the confidence I needed to start my divorce. I know what to do now and feel I’m not alone.” Dave C. Toronto

“I met a client who took your seminar today. An educated client makes this work so much easier!” Jacqueline Vanbetlehem, Mediator and Family Therapist in Oakville

Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)

Registration Fee: $25 per workshop

Call The Smart Divorce at 905 695 0270 or email info@thesmartdivorce.com

SPACES ARE LIMITED, CALL TODAY

With a smart divorce, you realize that the pain of divorce can be lessened dramatically by properly handling the competing emotional and legal sides of divorce. And, that you deal with the emotional side of divorce outside of the legal system. If you are able to do this then you are more likely to gain perspective on your legal options early on; this will assist you in making informed decisions, protect you from the damage that uncontrolled emotions can cause; and guide you in meeting your children’s best interest.

Being smart about divorce also means arming yourself with knowledge about the divorce process. There are many ways to research divorce. Here are a few ways that I can help you navigate the divorce process:

• Reading the book, The Smart Divorce – available at amazon.com, amazon.ca, barnesandnoble.com and wherever books are sold.
• My One-on-One divorce consulting can help you think strategically about the divorce process. one_on_one_consulting-pdf
• Enrolling in one of The Smart Divorce workshops.

There was a recent article in The Toronto Star which outlines the benefits of The Smart Divorce workshops. http://www.thestar.com/Comment/article/541734

If you think that any of this would be helpful for you, please don’t hesitate to contact me at info@thesmartdivorce.com

Wishing you all the best during this difficult time,

Deborah

Instead of asking yourself why, utilize the how to strategies to keep your legal costs down, while maintaining control over what is going on in your file.

Here are some cost saving tips to help you cut down on your legal bill:

Maximize your meeting time

- Schedule your meetings through your lawyer’s assistant.

 - Make a list of questions you would like to discuss, organized by topic or issue.

 - Have an agenda ready, with all items and issues to be discussed.

 - Take notes.

 - Do any follow-up work the lawyer gives you (reviewing documents, contacting a specific specialist, and so forth), and make sure it is done in a timely manner.

Make all communications cost effective

 - Save up your questions. Don’t call or e-mail your lawyer every single time you have an inquiry.

 - Check with your lawyer first and find out how he or she likes to handle communications–via e-mail, phone calls, or meetings with prepared agendas. Also ask for recommendations on making your communications more efficient.

Provide as much written information as possible

 - Many lawyers have their clients write out an account of their marital history. Ask your lawyer if this is what should be done.

Use your lawyer’s services cost effectively

 - Listen to your lawyer and take notes.

 - Remember, if you want to vent and complain about your soon-to-be ex-spouse, the meter is still running.

 - If you are able to, do certain tasks, such as filling out the financial statement, yourself.

 - Don’t micromanage (pay extreme attention to the small details of) your case. This only causes your legal bills to escalate and slows down the process.

And, if there is something that doesn’t make

sense to you, ask your lawyer.

Your lawyer’s job

• Develop Realistic Expectations - One of the first things you will do with your lawyer is to discuss what you can expect to receive or pay out in terms of spousal support, child support, custody of and access to the children, and division of matrimonial assets. Your lawyer can help guide you as to what a realistic outcome can be. Trying to obtain a result which your lawyer does not feel you can achieve will only cause you to incur more in legal fees, heartache and frustration.

• Maximize the Economic Outcome – Lawyers view their job as getting the best deal for their clients, but the best deal may not necessarily be the biggest number, because there are other issues as well. Sometimes a lawyer prefers a smaller deal to ensure that the client will collect what was agreed to be paid, or to avoid a trial that might further damage the relationship between parties who must continue to co-parent their children. For this reason, a lawyer’s idea of the best deal and the client’s idea of the best deal may be different, and sometimes lawyers must get clients to realize that what is best for them isn’t necessarily what they think is best.

• Look Out for Your Children’s Best Interests – Many lawyers’ first focus with their clients is on working things out for the children. Unfortunately, some parents are still so emotionally distraught, or were such poor parents in the first place, that they do things that are in their own best interests, not the children’s. They attempt to hurt the other parent, which is ultimately bad for the children. Ethical lawyers will not deal with crazy agendas and destructive goals.

Your lawyer will advise and recommend, but will leave the final decision on any course of action to you, the client. If you want to work effectively with your lawyer, it’s as much a job for you as it is for him or her. Make sure you ask lots of questions, do your research and be informed.

New workshops have been added:

Limited space is available in The Smart Divorce® Workshops. These workshops are appropriate for individuals contemplating or already experiencing a divorce. Strategies for reducing financial costs and personal turmoil will be presented. Participants will learn what to expect legally and emotionally, and so be able to move through the process with confidence and focus while saving time and money. A subsequent session will address parenting issues, how to work with parenting experts more effectively, and available resources. Feedback from therapists and lawyers has indicated that The Smart Divorce Workshops have helped to prepare individuals for the process and make them better clients; while saving them time money – and their sanity.

Program details:

The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics –

September 16, 2008

The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce –

September 23, 2008

Time: 7:30 – 9 pm

Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto

(Yonge and St. Clair)

For more details, click on the pdf file below:

the-smart-divorce-workshop-invitation-sep08-pdf

If you feel that you could benefit from these workshops or for more information please contact Deborah Moskovitch at 905 695 0270 or by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com.

]]> http://blog.thesmartdivorce.com/2008/07/10/the-smart-divorce-workshops-2/feed/ 0 The Smart Divorce http://blog.thesmartdivorce.com/2008/03/22/developing-your-separation-agreement/ http://blog.thesmartdivorce.com/2008/03/22/developing-your-separation-agreement/#comments Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:49:51 +0000 The Smart Divorce http://blog.thesmartdivorce.com/?p=28 ]]> Considering All the Divorce Options

Did you know that there are options to arriving at your separation agreement? Going into my divorce, I didn’t realize there were any options. Maybe I watched too much TV, but my perception was that everyone went to court and litigated–went to trial before a judge. I was completely wrong. I didn’t understand that litigation is not the preferred method of resolution. All lawyers would agree that in most situations, it is the method of last resort; it usually signals a breakdown in negotiations outside the courtroom. The other options besides litigation are called alternative dispute resolutions, or ADRs.

The best-practices thinking is that ADR ought to mean

“appropriate dispute resolution,”

of which litigation is one choice.

Understanding each ADR process is vitally important. Although no one should walk into a lawyer’s office and immediately say, “I want dispute resolution X”–lawyers evaluate which dispute resolution process to pursue based on the nature of the problems and issues–being aware of your choices can help you maintain control and contribute to making decisions with confidence.

Which option provides the best outcome?

All of these modalities can produce either a good outcome or a bad one. Mediation, arbitration, trial–nothing about them, alone, predicts either a good or bad outcome. All carry variables such as a good judge or a bad judge, a good mediator or a bad mediator, a good lawyer or a bad lawyer.

There are five ways to come up with your separation agreement without going to court. You should be well informed about these when considering the best way to arrive at your separation agreement. Why does this matter? It matters because it’s not always about going to court.

The truth is, there is no such thing as revenge in divorce, the only thing you will get are legal bills.

What are your choices and options?

• Do-it-yourself
• Negotiation
• Mediation
• Collaborative family law
• Arbitration
• Litigation

Which Option Is Right for You?

Even choosing which dispute resolution option to take can become a fight for a divorcing couple. Don’t invest yourself in particular outcomes. Your goal should be as reasonable a dissolution of your marriage as possible under the circumstances. You do not have–and you will not be able to get–complete control of the options or of how the other side acts within them.

A good lawyer will emphasize that it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to walk away having won completely. I’ve been told by many lawyers that they make most of their money from clients who are stubborn. But many lawyers also say that they would accept slightly lower fees for easier clients, even if they have to take on more clients to make up the difference.

Information about dispute resolutions and more is covered far more comprehensively in The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Available wherever books are sold, amazon.com, amazon.ca, barnesandnoble.com and many other webseller book sites.

Program details:
The Smart Divorce: Learning the Basics – February 23, 2008
The Smart Divorce: Parenting Through Divorce – March 1, 2008
Time: 9:30 – 11 am
Location: 12 Lawton Boulevard, Toronto (Yonge and St. Clair)

If you feel that you could benefit from any of these programs please contact me at
905 695 0270 or by email at info@thesmartdivorce.com.