Archive for February, 2012
A Guide To Great Relationships
Tune in to The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio to hear Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck discuss a “How to Guide” to great relationships.
Have you ever stopped to think why the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage, or why seemingly great relationships don’t work?
In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, Deborah and Steve Peck discuss relationships – what’s great and what isn’t. All too often people fall into the same relationship patterns – they get involved with the same “type” that didn’t work for them previously like physical appearance or character traits.
Today’s conversation includes:
- 5 Significant messages to be mindful of
- Avoid repeating the bad relationship patterns
- A candid story of Steve Peck’s relationship mistakes
- Deborah shares how she overcame her relationship immaturity
An interesting and informative show filled with insight and candor. Deborah speaks to the article she wrote Midlife Divorce: Blame it on Your Parents? http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/midlife-divorce-blame-it-on-your-parents/a/33856
To hear this informative interview click on the link
http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/great-relationships-a-how-to-guide-to-get-there-again/
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Think Tank Says Divorce is too Easy, I Think Not!
Getting a divorce is too easy in Canada, says think tank
By Jen Kirsch
Another day, another end of a marriage splattered across your Facebook news feed. So-and-so is listed as single, you’re alerted. And so, another one bites the dust.
This week, a socially conservative Canadian think tank blamed the growing trend of divorce on it being “too easy” to get one according to our national laws. The Institute of Marriage and Family Canadawrote a report which says divorce proceedings aren’t complicated enough. Their specific issue is with no-fault divorce.
The author, Andrea Mrozek, was reported in Huffington Post Canada as saying that under current laws, one person can decide to get divorced for “no reason at all” two weeks into their marriage or simply initiate proceedings by moving out.
“Canadian law actually values marriage as a short-term prospect through no-fault divorce,” she argues.
Deborah Moskovich, divorce consultant and author of The Smart Divorce, says in some circumstances no-fault divorce can make it easier to file for one. For example, a simple loss of trust in a relationship can become grounds for divorce.
To read the whole article click on the link: http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/blogs/shine-on/divorce-too-easy-canada-says-think-tank-012104470.html
This Family Day, Don’t Play Games with Your Children
As published in The Huffington Post
Living in the province of Ontario, I am fortunate to have the day off on February 20 because of the statutory holiday “Family Day”. This holiday was created because the provincial government felt that “there is nothing more valuable to families than time together. And yet it seems tougher than ever to find, with so many of us living such busy lives.”
Single parent households, blended families, same-sex families, cohabiting families. There so many more configurations that I haven’t even mentioned. But when you’re divorced and single, the expression “family day” suddenly takes on a very new meaning.
What if you’re divorced with no children, and have no extended family? Does that mean you can’t celebrate Family Day? No. I suggest that you reach out to your friends who have become your extended family. Let them know how special they are to you. Start building important bonds and relationships that you hope can be long lasting.
If you have become estranged or alienated from your family and children, use this time to reflect and try to understand what went wrong. Perhaps this can be the day when you start mending those broken bonds. The ending of a relationship between a parent and a child is probably one of the most painful experiences that can happen.
To be estranged is a breakdown of the bond between a parent and the child; a distance between the two is created. For whatever reason, there was something that caused the loving relationship to turn into one of apathy or hostility. If you ask me, parent alienation is a form of mental abuse.
I’m in my book, The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts, I argue that:
“The most heinous situation in child custody disputes is called pathological alienation or parent alienation syndrome (PAS). In this scenario, one parent becomes obsessed with destroying a child’s relationship with the other parent when there is no good reason to do so. Alienation can be mild, moderate, or severe… The children’s will and choice are removed from them through a form of brainwashing. This is a serious form of child abuse, because if it isn’t stopped, the children are headed for psychiatric disturbances, failed relationships, and dysfunctional lives in which they will pass this behavior on to their own children.”
So what can you do to overcome these devastating scenarios?
In an interview I conducted with Dr. Robert A. Simon, a clinical and forensic psychologist in California, the doctor offers a slightly different perspective on the issue:
“I have concerns about the use of the term ‘Parental Alienation Syndrome’ because I think this oversimplifies the phenomenon and searches for its cause within an individual. In reality, there is a lack of quality, objective and empirical research to validate the notion that there is an identifiable syndrome that corresponds to the problem. Instead, this is a multi-faceted problem. The issue of children becoming alienated or estranged from a parent is a very real phenomenon and a huge problem.However, I am concerned that raising this issue during the course of child custody litigation has become rather “trendy” these days. And when children resist contact with a parent, this is rarely the result of a malevolent parent setting out to destroy the child’s relationship with the other parent. It is far more complex.
To see the full article in The Huffington Post, click on the link
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/deborah-moskovitch/the-meaning-of-family_b_1277833.html
How to Remake Your Pad Post-Split
Changing It Up From ‘We’ To ‘Me’
This article first appeared on more.ca
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/reclaim-your-space-after-divorce/a/22636
It was a dream-like experience. Upon returning from a weekend away with our children, the bedroom closets were empty — my husband, now my ex, had moved out. He took the fabulous living room furniture that we had purchased not that long ago. My world was changing.
The reality was, I wanted to stop thinking about who I had become upon divorce — a single woman — and focus on my surroundings. I wanted my home to change from our home to my home.
I wanted to shape my space to reflect my personality. I wanted to transform it into a space where I would be happy. Slowly, this philosophy would influence the décor throughout my home.
Of course, like most of the things I was dealing with, this was uncharted territory — especially learning to deal with my new budget. The first project I wanted to tackle was my new bedroom. The room which we shared, which was ours, was now mine. As I gloriously celebrated more closet space, I needed to create a room which would provide new memomories of the next chapter of my life. I fantasized about my new seductive boudoir, strewn with rose pedals and candlelight everywhere.
But the truth was, that wasn’t me. Reality set in and I did what I could — cost effectively, changing only my sheets, drapery and mattress. It was a fresh start.
The rest of the article can be seen on The Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/changing-it-up-from-we-to_b_1244994.html
Can Divorce Really Be Smart?
Did you know that divorce is a process?
di·vorce (dĭ-vôrs′, -vōrs′) n. the legal dissolution of a marriage; v. to sever the marital relationship with a spouse by a judgment or decree of divorce.
If divorce were as straightforward as the dictionary definition, the process would be a whole lot easier. But, the reality is, there are two sides to divorce — the emotional and the legal.
Couples, children, and extended families could carry on with their lives as if nothing much had changed. The “legal dissolution” could involve collegial discussions in lawyers’ boardrooms followed by the signing of papers, a handshake, and best wishes all around. Actually, some lawyers and judges favor the dictionary definition. “Treat your divorce as a business transaction,” they urge couples who come to see them. There’s a lot of wisdom in this piece of advice, if it is applied to the legal side of divorce. But this view neglects the emotional side of divorce. It’s as if they’re saying, “Business partnerships . . . marriage partnerships . . . what’s the difference?”
Please click on the link to read the rest of the article which appears in The Huffington Post.
To read more about The Smart Divorce, check it out on amazon.com
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Helping an Employee Through Divorce
Breakups can take financial toll on employers, emotional toll on colleagues
By Deborah Moskovitch
I wrote this article for the HR Reporter which appeared in the January 30, 2012 edition.
Divorce or the breakdown of a relationship is an extremely emotional process. People are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process. Their world is turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.
Close to 50 per cent of marriages in North America end in divorce. The divorce rate rises to a staggering 60 per cent and higher for subsequent divorces by these same individuals. Clearly, we need to employ strategies that will get everyone, including those caught in the middle — often the children — off the “divorce-go-round” and on to a better life. We need to encourage healthy new beginnings, even when divorce looks like an end.
On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks number two — second only to the death of a spouse or child. People often feel overburdened and lack confidence so it’s not surprising many buckle under the pressure.
Divorce undoubtedly reduces a worker’s productivity. Research by Integrated Organizational Development in Waynesville, N.C., pegged the cost per worker going through a divorce at about $8,300, assuming an average wage of $19.50 per hour and a 50 per cent to 75 per cent drop in productivity. It also includes days missed as the worker takes time off to deal with the legal, financial and psychological issues related to divorce.
For the full article, click on the link:
HR Reporter_Helping an employee through divorce – Moskovitch copy copy
If you would like more information about workplace divorce support, check out The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit http://wp.me/pbONe-gF
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