I understand how upset you must be as you had very different expectations as to how this day was going to be spent. You need to talk to your daughter and tell her that you know how important her friends are to her, and you are not asking her to give up her friendships at certain times of year. However, you would like to honour your traditions with your daughter. Ask your daughter how you can still celebrate and follow the traditions, maybe she has some new ideas - perhaps inviting friends to join you or starting some new traditions. While teenagers are trying to exert their independence, that does not mean they can be rude and disrespectful. Talk to your daughter and tell her how hurt you felt and try to come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

I empathize with how you are feeling. Many parents I know feel the same, and tell me that as young adults, their children’s attitude changes for the better - if you give them their space and independence when they need it most (although, I agree, this can be difficult). If you feel that you are not getting much time to speak with your son, have you thought of scheduling a weekly dinner? I found that for me, this really helped in maintaining a connection. During the summer, when my younger children were away, it was even more special having the one on one time with my older son. Sometimes we had great conversations, other times there was lots of silence. I would like to leave you with one last thought, a quote from The Smart Divorce, which has helped many people reframe their thinking:

“What you need to do is move away from the concept of “losing time” to maintaining a positive, strong relationship with your children. Parents are often so focused on the first eighteen years of the child’s life. What they are really doing during that time is setting the groundwork for the longer-term relationship with the child, which is after they are eighteen. What you want to do is to establish communication and nurturing and an interest in being together and sharing and holidays and rituals and activities and pursuits. Once they are off on their own, that relationship continues, and parents are not only in a relationship with their children but theoretically in a relationship with their grandchildren as well.”
Psychologist and parenting consultant, Mindy Mitnick in Minneapolis, Minnesota