The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Take charge and you’ll feel better…..

I noticed in the early days of divorce, that if you behave passively, like a leaf that is simply tossed this way and that by the wind, you are taking away your own freedom to move forward with your life. A smart divorce requires you to do some work, not be passive. Once you truly accept this, you will have set your feet firmly on a path that can enrich you rather than diminish you.

Give your self the opportunity to explore and

consciously make choices about the

life you want to lead.

Here are the top 5 things you need to think about so that you can achieve control and avoid the pitfalls which can undermine you after divorce.

1. Envision what you would like life to look like when you are ready to start moving on, and think about what you need to do to get there.
2. Will you have to move? If you do, think positive, perhaps this will give you a fresh start and way to begin life postdivorce - creating your better life.
3. Will you have to go back to work? If you have been out of the workforce for a while, consider retraining and look for opportunities which you are passionate about. What have you always wanted to do? Perhaps now is the time to break out and try something different. If you don’t need to work, consider volunteer work and/or pursuing some new interests and hobbies.
4. Develop your support network of new friends, family, clergy, a therapist or support groups.
5. Do what you can to have a positive outlook. By feeling good about yourself, you will be a better parent. Putting your children’s best interest first should be your first objective. Finding a way to manage your emotions privately, giving your children a sense of security and love will go a long way to help your children adjust though the divorce.

What happens when you can’t see beyond this stage of divorce and the possibility of ever finding happiness? You will be undermining yourself and unable to move forward. If you focus on the hurt you lose perspective; you lose a sense of the larger picture and how this new life can take shape. You need to develop a sense of purpose for yourself.

Don’t make the mistake of surrendering to your divorce by thinking, “It’s the end of life.” It may be the end of life as you know it, but the truth is you could actually develop a better life if you work at it!