Archive for July 3, 2008
Making it Through Your Divorce
Take charge and you’ll feel better…..
I noticed in the early days of divorce, that if you behave passively, like a leaf that is simply tossed this way and that by the wind, you are taking away your own freedom to move forward with your life. A smart divorce requires you to do some work, not be passive. Once you truly accept this, you will have set your feet firmly on a path that can enrich you rather than diminish you.
Give your self the opportunity to explore and
consciously make choices about the
life you want to lead.
Here are the top 5 things you need to think about so that you can achieve control and avoid the pitfalls which can undermine you after divorce.
- Envision what you would like life to look like when you are ready to start moving on, and think about what you need to do to get there.
- Will you have to move? If you do, think positive, perhaps this will give you a fresh start and way to begin life postdivorce – creating your better life.
- Will you have to go back to work? If you have been out of the workforce for a while, consider retraining and look for opportunities which you are passionate about. What have you always wanted to do? Perhaps now is the time to break out and try something different. If you don’t need to work, consider volunteer work and/or pursuing some new interests and hobbies.
- Develop your support network of new friends, family, clergy, a therapist or support groups.
- Do what you can to have a positive outlook. By feeling good about yourself, you will be a better parent. Putting your children’s best interest first should be your first objective. Finding a way to manage your emotions privately, giving your children a sense of security and love will go a long way to help your children adjust though the divorce.
What happens when you can’t see beyond this stage of divorce and the possibility of ever finding happiness? You will be undermining yourself and unable to move forward. If you focus on the hurt you lose perspective; you lose a sense of the larger picture and how this new life can take shape. You need to develop a sense of purpose for yourself.
Don’t make the mistake of surrendering to your divorce by thinking, “It’s the end of life.” It may be the end of life as you know it, but the truth is you could actually develop a better life if you work at it!
Do I Keep or Sell the Matrimonial Home
Do I Keep or Sell the Matrimonial Home?
The question of what to do with the matrimonial home is frequently asked by clients in my consulting practice. What do they do, keep it or sell it?
The family home is an especially difficult consideration. For many, there are emotional ties, fond memories and the feelings of security. And the world around you assumes that in a divorce, the winner takes the home and the loser moves out. The truth is we all know that in divorce there should be no winner or loser because being smart about divorce means we try to avoid a war. But, while the home represent so much emotionally, it may not be the best asset for your financial security.
Here are some questions you need answered to help factor into your decision:
- Will your postdivorce income cover the costs to run your home?
- What is the outstanding mortgage?
- Why am I keeping it?
- Is it too much space, or just enough?
- If I decide to move, what are the associated selling and buying costs?
There is an interesting article I came across called “In Housing Slump, Breaking up is Hard to Do.” It refers to another consideration regarding the matrimonial home and that is, keeping the home in the divorcees hands until the slumping housing market recovers. For more details, see the article attached.in-housing-slumpfred-glassman
Consider these factors and any other items which are important to you and discuss them with the right experts when developing your postdivorce financial plan.
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